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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

16 Year Old Daughter sat on fathers knee. Disgusting?

464 replies

RedFlags1 · 11/04/2023 15:12

It was my birthday last month and I went round to my new partners house for a meal with my two daughters.

After dinner I sat in an arm chair in the sitting room and my 16 year old came in and sat on my knee and gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday Dad. She was on my knee for about 30 seconds.

My partner was moody all evening and then shocked me by saying that this was because my daughter had sat on my knee. She said that this was abnormal and disgusting, that she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

I am stunned by this reaction to something that I see as completely natural and not at all controversial.

At home I will often sit on the sofa next to my girls (16, 20+, 20+++) and put my arm around them. I have never for one second thought this inappropriate, nor have they.

Can I ask, does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?

OP posts:
jays · 11/04/2023 17:37

That’s deeply concerning that she said that. My 18 year old son is at Uni, when he visits if we watch a movie, he’ll sling his feet up on me for a foot rub or throw a pillow on me and flump down to get a head pat, I’m very wary of why she’s saying this, major red flag.

Vgtasd · 11/04/2023 17:39

She sounds jealous! Run like the wind! Nothing wrong with your daughter sitting on your knee

deedeedelmonte · 11/04/2023 17:39

For your daughters' sake I'd end it now. She sounds jealous and controlling and as other posters have said, not the right partner for you as a father of daughters. Your daughter is still a child and needs you!

I'm in my forties and still cuddle up to my Dad. In my late twenties I had a breakdown and the afternoon things came to a head I climbed onto my Dad's lap and cried for over an hour. When I had my daughter and was overwhelmed when she was a newborn I cried in his arms on the sofa. You never stop needing your Dad!

Brefugee · 11/04/2023 17:40

Maximo2 · 11/04/2023 15:15

It’s her reaction that is weird and disgusting. Get rid!

yep, start running

Adifferentheadspace · 11/04/2023 17:41

She sounds like a loon! Also clearly jealous of your relationship with your daughter… I would reconsider this relationship.

MissMarplesbag · 11/04/2023 17:43

Get rid of the partner, she'll try to drive a wedge between you and your daughters. Nasty woman.

Redbone · 11/04/2023 17:43

I would never have done this with my dad but everyone’s family is different. Your DP sounds slightly unhinged!

Mummytotwonow · 11/04/2023 17:44

She has issues. What a lovely Dad that your daughter wants to have a cuddle etc. I would have looked and thought what a lovely man and parent/child relationship you have. She sounds like trouble in the long run

Baabaa75 · 11/04/2023 17:48

You see your daughter as your child so no not odd at all. Your partner see's her as a threat and a rival for your attention. She'll likely try and distance you from them and sounds very manipulative. I'd seriously reconsider this relationship.

Mari9999 · 11/04/2023 17:48

OP, your girlfriend may have had some earlier experiences that were triggered by seeing this, but you are her partner and not her therapist. If she has unresolved issues that is truly unfortunate. But the price to be paid for her past, is not the curtailing or modifying of your relationship with your daughter.

Somethings require a level of fixing that is beyond or capabilities. How much of an investment are you willing to make in this relationship? Your partner's needs and responses may be valid based upon her life experiences, but your life experiences may not equip you to deal with her situation and it may require far more of an investment than you are willing to make.

You are not failing her; you are just affirming your need for someone less conflicted.

easterbunnie · 11/04/2023 17:50

Oh dear! I bet she's a right nutter, run for the hills!

Your babies will always be your babies, don't let this women question yourself.

Get rid.

mdh2020 · 11/04/2023 17:52

I can’t remember how old I was when I stopped sitting on my dad’s knee. I was probably about that age. Used to hug him and hold hands. When I was younger I would get into bed with him. People are too prudish and too controlling these days,

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 11/04/2023 17:53

Ridiculous. The contact was clearly initiated by your dd, so we can presume that she was perfectly comfortable with it, and you didn't think anything of it either, so there is absolutely no issue here.

Except that your partner is completely bonkers and has totally fucked up ideas about what's normal and acceptable. I agree with those who are suggesting that you should get rid... she sounds very melodramatic and overly controlling.

YoungWild · 11/04/2023 17:55

I have no issue with this! I would love for my kids to do this when they grow up and are not shy to show their love and affection.

WeeOrcadian · 11/04/2023 17:59

She's making it sexual. Consider your options carefully.

GeneHuntsCowboyBoots · 11/04/2023 18:04

I totally agree with the majority here. You have nothing to feel bad about.

My DD is 16 and would sit on her dad’s knee for a hug. She also snuggles up to him when they’re on the sofa watching a film or something. She does the same to me at times too. As does our 13 year old DS - though he’s at an age where he’s a bit more antisocial at the minute and only really blesses us with his presence periodically!

Emiliaswrath · 11/04/2023 18:06

My 17, nearly 18 Yr old daughter still occasionally sits on both mine and my partners knee for a quick hug. I love that she feels comfortable enough to still do it. Your partners the odd one.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 11/04/2023 18:09

dd17 cuddles up with Dh all the time watching tv.

Im jealous!

ItsMyCakeNotYourCake · 11/04/2023 18:10

Ltb

CantFindTheBeat · 11/04/2023 18:14

Your partner sounds very odd.

If she is a new partner, why did you take your daughter with you though?

LucifersLight · 11/04/2023 18:22

your partner sounds like a psycho in the making.

Divorcedalongtime · 11/04/2023 18:24

She sees your daughter as a threat, your gf is the problem here.

Epicnoob · 11/04/2023 18:31

Well your partner was weird indeed but also the position of how she sat matters.

Jyanei · 11/04/2023 18:36

She sounds weird. That's a red flag. I'd get out whilst it's still new.

Cherrysherbet · 11/04/2023 18:37

Your partner sounds very odd. You’re not doing anything wrong.