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Original poster

16 Year Old Daughter sat on fathers knee. Disgusting?

464 replies

RedFlags1 · 11/04/2023 15:12

It was my birthday last month and I went round to my new partners house for a meal with my two daughters.

After dinner I sat in an arm chair in the sitting room and my 16 year old came in and sat on my knee and gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday Dad. She was on my knee for about 30 seconds.

My partner was moody all evening and then shocked me by saying that this was because my daughter had sat on my knee. She said that this was abnormal and disgusting, that she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

I am stunned by this reaction to something that I see as completely natural and not at all controversial.

At home I will often sit on the sofa next to my girls (16, 20+, 20+++) and put my arm around them. I have never for one second thought this inappropriate, nor have they.

Can I ask, does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?

OP posts:
katepilar · 12/04/2023 19:09

Perfectly fine in my world. I would be worried about your girlfriend finding it disgusting and about how she possible sees your daughter as a rival /conciously or not/. Also the moodiness for such a long time is a bit worrying, just in itself.

Mumof3confused · 12/04/2023 19:10

This is a massive red flag and you know this. Personally I would be reconsidering my relationship with her.

katepilar · 12/04/2023 19:12

I actually start to wonder whether she had some unpleasant experiences herself and your daughter's behaviour triggered emotions.

Lisapeter · 12/04/2023 19:12

Obviously your partner is the one who has issues. Keep being a lovely caring father and don't change.

Mammyloveswine · 12/04/2023 19:12

Are you joking?! I still sit on my dads knee every once in a while for a cuddle and I'm 36 and he's 70!

Your partner is being absolutely ridiculous and will damage your relationships with your daughters.

This reaction is a major red flag and deal breaker.

Serrina · 12/04/2023 19:16

Sorry if this has already been asked, but could it be possible that your partner was abused in childhood? Because that could explain her reaction

WellingtonBoot · 12/04/2023 19:24

My 20yr-old daughter would think nothing of sitting on my knee, or her mum's knee either. I'm glad she's that secure in her relationship with us that she feels she can.

ChrisPPancake · 12/04/2023 19:25

Your partner has ishooos.

emmylousings · 12/04/2023 19:25

At that age I was still affectionate with my dad, and if anyone had said anything about it, I would have told them that they were the one with the problem (sexualising innocent interactions) not me.

Sundelight · 12/04/2023 19:27

I think it may be due to her upbringing, this wasn't a norm in my family and I personally would be uncomfortable. But she knows you well enough to know that it was entirely appropriate. So I don't know with this one

CM1897 · 12/04/2023 19:28

RedFlags1 · 11/04/2023 15:12

It was my birthday last month and I went round to my new partners house for a meal with my two daughters.

After dinner I sat in an arm chair in the sitting room and my 16 year old came in and sat on my knee and gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday Dad. She was on my knee for about 30 seconds.

My partner was moody all evening and then shocked me by saying that this was because my daughter had sat on my knee. She said that this was abnormal and disgusting, that she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

I am stunned by this reaction to something that I see as completely natural and not at all controversial.

At home I will often sit on the sofa next to my girls (16, 20+, 20+++) and put my arm around them. I have never for one second thought this inappropriate, nor have they.

Can I ask, does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?

Your partner has a disturbing way of thinking. Run away

GanjaDhin · 12/04/2023 19:34

She might have realised for the first time that you love your kids and feels she'll be competing for attention. In other words, she's jealous. I don't think it's going to work out.

LaDamaDeElche · 12/04/2023 19:34

Not only is her reaction weird, jealous and controlling about your daughter, she also acted like a dick on your bday by getting arsed with you over nothing. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Things will only get worse. Probably better if you chalk this down to dodging a bullet and move the relationship stays from new to ex partner.

laylababe5 · 12/04/2023 19:41

I suspect this woman has some deeo seated trauma. I wouldn't blink an eye at sitting on my Dad's knee. He is 74 and I'm 45. It's a lovely gesture of the love the two of you have and is totally normal.

Jochef · 12/04/2023 19:43

Not a very nice way for her to behave on your birthday or any day - she is jealous of the relationship you have with your daughters, ask them for their opinion of her, I’m quite sure it won’t be positive. I’d run well away 🤷🏻‍♀️

Whatkindofuckeryisthis · 12/04/2023 19:45

It shouldn’t be seen as inappropriate and anyone who thinks so, has issues. Maybe she was abused as a child?

Grrrrdarling · 12/04/2023 19:47

RedFlags1 · 11/04/2023 15:12

It was my birthday last month and I went round to my new partners house for a meal with my two daughters.

After dinner I sat in an arm chair in the sitting room and my 16 year old came in and sat on my knee and gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday Dad. She was on my knee for about 30 seconds.

My partner was moody all evening and then shocked me by saying that this was because my daughter had sat on my knee. She said that this was abnormal and disgusting, that she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

I am stunned by this reaction to something that I see as completely natural and not at all controversial.

At home I will often sit on the sofa next to my girls (16, 20+, 20+++) and put my arm around them. I have never for one second thought this inappropriate, nor have they.

Can I ask, does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?

Find a new partner!
This is controlling behaviour from your partner & it is quite inappropriate that her mind went there about your child!

It would totally be a different story if it was a complete stranger & a grown woman on your knee giving you a hug & saying Happy Birthday but it wasn’t & isn’t!
RUN NOW!!!!

Shuggie1234 · 12/04/2023 19:48

Your partner is the weird one. Perfectly normal to show affection to your children and vice versa.

DHsPoorBack · 12/04/2023 19:50

Like PP I would have found it uncomfortable, as I wasn't brought up in a very tactile family. I'd have inwardly felt a bit "ewwww" but more in the way that it would make think of me ever doing that to my dad and how awkward and cringy that would be.

I certainly would have thought it was "sick" or voiced that.

The only time I'm like, no, that's gross, is when parents kiss their adult children on the lips. But I know not all people feel that way, and wouldn't voice it.

ILoveEYFS · 12/04/2023 19:50

I only have sisters. All of my sisters and me sat on my dad's lap as 20+ adults as did my female cousins. Also my sons still hug my dad, each other and their uncles. Nothing wrong with it at all. Your partner is jealous

YMZ · 12/04/2023 19:54

I’m sorry, but I feel the “ disgusting “ thoughts came from your partner! 30 seconds on your knee to say happy b’day and give a hug?! come on!

3BSHKATS · 12/04/2023 20:00

It's not something you'd see often to be fair, but every family is different

NicLondon1 · 12/04/2023 20:05

I think you could use this to open a conversation about her own past - was she sexually abused as a child? Feeling faint is quite a strong reaction and it could have triggered an uncomfortable memory for her… rather than ‘get rid’ try to understand where she is coming from 💐

Bugbabe1970 · 12/04/2023 20:07

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/04/2023 16:19

If it was your 20-year old DD then maybe, but a birthday hug from your 16-year old daughter? It's your partner who has the problem.

?
My 21 year old daughter just came home from work and laid straight across me and her dad on the sofa for fun - she's just our kid and nothing wrong with it at all!

Mesoavocado · 12/04/2023 20:07

I kissed my dad full on lips right up until he died at 71. I sat on his lap until he was too unwell for my fat arse

She sounds like a psychopath