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Original poster

16 Year Old Daughter sat on fathers knee. Disgusting?

464 replies

RedFlags1 · 11/04/2023 15:12

It was my birthday last month and I went round to my new partners house for a meal with my two daughters.

After dinner I sat in an arm chair in the sitting room and my 16 year old came in and sat on my knee and gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday Dad. She was on my knee for about 30 seconds.

My partner was moody all evening and then shocked me by saying that this was because my daughter had sat on my knee. She said that this was abnormal and disgusting, that she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

I am stunned by this reaction to something that I see as completely natural and not at all controversial.

At home I will often sit on the sofa next to my girls (16, 20+, 20+++) and put my arm around them. I have never for one second thought this inappropriate, nor have they.

Can I ask, does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?

OP posts:
Alexsmum21 · 12/04/2023 18:33

Sounds to me like your partner is jealous of the affection you have with your daughter. Save yourself a lifetime of misery and cut your ties.

Jack80 · 12/04/2023 18:34

Every family is different each to their own, our 15 year old will cuddle us and kiss us on the cheek every evening before bed and say she love us. Our 18 year old will cuddle us on occasion and tells us she loves us after every calls. They are too big to sit on our knee but a cuddle is good but wouldn’t think it’s disgusting. xx

Newlifenewme · 12/04/2023 18:35

Went to a family party a couple of months back and there was as a lack of seating. I actually told my daughter (16) to either sit on the arm of the chair or her dads knee haha. She never does so I thought she’d choose the arm. She went and sat on her dads knee for about a minute before sitting on the floor. Nobody said a word. Because it’s not weird

sunshinemode · 12/04/2023 18:36

It sounds like your totally normal and loving behaviour triggered something in your partner for some reason. I would suggest trying to talk to her about this as calmly as you can manage

HappiDaze · 12/04/2023 18:37

My DD 16 sat on my knee yesterday and we had a full conversation, the horror.

I'm her DM but that doesn't make the slightest difference.

I also hug and kiss my dad on the cheek

Your partner is a bit crazy so I'd swiftly move on before she starts causing trouble for you and your family

jobie70 · 12/04/2023 18:37

I'm going to presume that your daughter is a very pretty young lady.. and probably out shines your partner! And your partner defo sounds jealous.. which is never good when kids are involved.. so kick the old boot to the kerb and find someone whose going to like and hopefully love your kids

Theyoungestone · 12/04/2023 18:38

Absolutely lovely that your 16 year old daughter shows affection for you. I know many parents who would wish the same from their 16 year olds. There maybe something in your partner's past for her to react like this but it doesn't bode well for your future with her as she clearly will always have a problem with your DD unfortunately.

Ladyfrog59 · 12/04/2023 18:38

I'd be getting a new partner. If she's like that now what's she going to be like if you got married.

Sennelier1 · 12/04/2023 18:38

I'm now 65 and I lost my dad last year. It was a privilege to sit on my dad's knees and I have done so untill my own children were young adults. (Yes o.k. they rolled their eyes but my daughter still sits on DH's knees). Then my dad had knee surgery, his prostetic knees didn't like to be sat on. From then on I sat on the armrest of his chair. I would give a fortune to be able to sit on my dad's knees one more time. Your partner is in the wrong, you should explain to her that nothing and nobody, ever, gets between a dad and his daughter(s).

DGay · 12/04/2023 18:42

Terven · 12/04/2023 17:50

You’ll never be able to give your daughters a hug with person around. The first seed has already been sowed.

Agree and she'd probably report him as a pedophile. Something wrong with her. Probably sexual abused as a child.

Streaky1 · 12/04/2023 18:44

Firstly it's not disgusting at all, you should be very happy that you have such a normal relationship with your daughters.
Secondly may I suggest you talk to her about why it made her feel that way, something has triggered her and it may be an experience from her childhood, but obviously bear in mind it might not be easy for her to talk about. I disagree that you should run or that it's a red flag, if you found out she had experienced abuse as a child would her reaction make more sense? On the other hand of course it could be that she is an insanely jealous person which would obviously be a huge red flag, but unless you talk it through you won't know for sure

Liz1tummypain · 12/04/2023 18:47

Not disgusting at all. Nice that you and your kids are so close. Your partner sounds a bit anal. She's a weirdo.

GangnamGran · 12/04/2023 18:47

Not unreasonable!! I remember the hostility emanating from my stepmum when I used to, as a kid and teenager, put my head on a pillow on my dad’s lap and my dad would stroke my hair while we watched a movie together. I felt so safe and relaxed, exactly as a dad should make a kid feel, but I was made to feel bad about this, like it was inappropriate.
I’m good friends with my step mum now and she has told me since she felt very threatened by me and that she wishes she’d been more understanding and we could have been friends a lot longer.
Please don’t feel weird, it’s lovely your daughter is still a little girl at heart who obviously adores her daddy.

GangnamGran · 12/04/2023 18:49

Sennelier1 · 12/04/2023 18:38

I'm now 65 and I lost my dad last year. It was a privilege to sit on my dad's knees and I have done so untill my own children were young adults. (Yes o.k. they rolled their eyes but my daughter still sits on DH's knees). Then my dad had knee surgery, his prostetic knees didn't like to be sat on. From then on I sat on the armrest of his chair. I would give a fortune to be able to sit on my dad's knees one more time. Your partner is in the wrong, you should explain to her that nothing and nobody, ever, gets between a dad and his daughter(s).

🥺

Streaky1 · 12/04/2023 18:49

DGay · 12/04/2023 18:42

Agree and she'd probably report him as a pedophile. Something wrong with her. Probably sexual abused as a child.

Show quote history

So people who have been sexually abused have something wrong with them? Wow, they really don't they've just had a really shit experience of life that unfortunately can leave them with a lifetime of fears

Atticus999 · 12/04/2023 18:50

She sounds like a total freak for reacting that way.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 12/04/2023 18:51

No it's completely normal. It's a hug. I'd cuddle my dad like that and I'm 28.

Your partners a weirdo. Her thoughts are the abnormal thing here. Your daughters not even an adult so her comment doesn't even make sense in that way.

DGay · 12/04/2023 18:55

Streaky1 · 12/04/2023 18:49

So people who have been sexually abused have something wrong with them? Wow, they really don't they've just had a really shit experience of life that unfortunately can leave them with a lifetime of fears

Show quote history

That isn't what I meant at all. She may have been abused and that is why she reacted that way. I've been myself when I was 6.

Lollipop81 · 12/04/2023 19:00

her reaction is weird she is clearly jealous. I take it she isn’t their mother. I would run for the hills.

Gingerstars · 12/04/2023 19:00

16 or 60 you are never to old to sit on your dads knee to give them a hug.

Missingpop · 12/04/2023 19:00

She’s a complete nutcase nothing wrong at all but I’d be extremely concerned about what she’s implying & why she feels it’s ok to imply such an outlandish statement

Trishthedish · 12/04/2023 19:02

Your partner’s reaction is weird. I often cuddled my dad, never left my parents house without a kiss and a hug, and my children (both in their 30’s) are the same with us. Cuddle your girls they love you and you love them.

Daddydog · 12/04/2023 19:04

Wow OP, says a lot about her mindset. Maybe she's processing something from her past? It's not the most normal reaction. I've got two amazing daughters, much younger but the eldest is going through the 'Daddy's my hero' phase and would hang off me 24/7 if she could. It makes me want to be the best dad possible to be worthy of that admiration. I'm 5,500 miles away from my girls right now and all I can think about is snuggling up on the sofa and watching never ending Disney+ next week! I'm sure you adore your partner OP, just talk to her to find out why she has a reaction to something so normal.

HappyMe6 · 12/04/2023 19:04

She’s jealous why on earth would she even think that! She has a weird mind

Jkrowlingsarmy · 12/04/2023 19:05

Her reaction is insane. It’s not disgusting. You’re her father - I think it’s wonderful you are so open with your affection; I wish mine had been like that growing up.

her interpretation of it is disturbing - she’s added a sexual element where there is none.

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