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Original poster

16 Year Old Daughter sat on fathers knee. Disgusting?

464 replies

RedFlags1 · 11/04/2023 15:12

It was my birthday last month and I went round to my new partners house for a meal with my two daughters.

After dinner I sat in an arm chair in the sitting room and my 16 year old came in and sat on my knee and gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday Dad. She was on my knee for about 30 seconds.

My partner was moody all evening and then shocked me by saying that this was because my daughter had sat on my knee. She said that this was abnormal and disgusting, that she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

I am stunned by this reaction to something that I see as completely natural and not at all controversial.

At home I will often sit on the sofa next to my girls (16, 20+, 20+++) and put my arm around them. I have never for one second thought this inappropriate, nor have they.

Can I ask, does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?

OP posts:
JMSA · 11/04/2023 23:08

I have a 16 year old daughter, and I know that she would find it really odd to sit on her father's knee. She's too big and too old.
But your partner was still out of order to behave as she did.

Fansandblankets · 11/04/2023 23:12

She’s weird, I’m sorry. A … your daughter is not an adult and B… there’s nothing wrong with a father and daughter showing affection to each other. My 17 year old daughter and 16 year old son hug their dad and me all the time.

Glittertwins · 12/04/2023 06:03

That update is even worse in my opinion. Why okay for boys ?

readbooksdrinktea · 12/04/2023 07:06

So, what are you planning to do?

londonrach · 12/04/2023 07:08

Very normal. Your partner reaction isn't!!! Huge red flag

MotherofBingo · 12/04/2023 08:02

Very strange. The girlfriend that is, not you and your DD! It sounds like she's got some serious internalised misogyny going on too, why is it OK for her boys to hug someone who's relatively new to them but not ok for your daughter to hug her dad.

I'm not a tactile person at all and find a lot of affection towards me uncomfortable, but it's lovely to see affection between others.

Lozois99 · 12/04/2023 10:12

She's jealous and has let her mind go to a bad place with it. She probably won't change.

zingally · 12/04/2023 11:21

What a nutter. Get rid.

JimmyDurham · 12/04/2023 11:23

Your partner is seriously out-of-order. I'd be getting rid of her TBH if I was you.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 12/04/2023 11:35

I think it's lovely that you are so close. New gf sounds jealous. Not everything needs sexualising and it 's damaging to do so.

newnamethanks · 12/04/2023 11:38

Your partner has unresolved issues. She's probably not the one for you. Enjoy your children while you can.

KarmaStar · 12/04/2023 12:28

Get rid.she is jealous of your dd..

Bouncybits · 12/04/2023 17:45

My 16 yr old still gets in bed with me on a Saturday morning for a hug just like they’ve done their whole life . They’re always our babies no matter how big they get

Terven · 12/04/2023 17:50

You’ll never be able to give your daughters a hug with person around. The first seed has already been sowed.

LighterNights · 12/04/2023 17:56

Nothing wrong with that at all. I am 56 and if I wasn't such a chunk I'd still feel comfortable sitting on my dad's knee to say Happy Birthday to him, he's 81. DD is 17 and she sat on my knee a couple of weeks ago to say HB to me, I am female though, but I'd have been OK if she's sat on her dad's knee.

TBF I'd dump anyone for this anyway... She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint. How pathetically dramatic.

Shyam35 · 12/04/2023 17:58

I agree

DGay · 12/04/2023 18:04

Something is wrong with her, not you are b your daughter. I think it's sweet that she still wants to do that.

RavenhairedRachel · 12/04/2023 18:04

She's obviously jealous not a good basis for a relationship

Noangelbuthavingfun · 12/04/2023 18:05

RedFlags1 · 11/04/2023 15:12

It was my birthday last month and I went round to my new partners house for a meal with my two daughters.

After dinner I sat in an arm chair in the sitting room and my 16 year old came in and sat on my knee and gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday Dad. She was on my knee for about 30 seconds.

My partner was moody all evening and then shocked me by saying that this was because my daughter had sat on my knee. She said that this was abnormal and disgusting, that she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

I am stunned by this reaction to something that I see as completely natural and not at all controversial.

At home I will often sit on the sofa next to my girls (16, 20+, 20+++) and put my arm around them. I have never for one second thought this inappropriate, nor have they.

Can I ask, does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?

Your partner is a nutcase. Does she have kids ? I'd stay well clear if honest she's going to cause you trouble . Perfectly normal in a loving trusting parent child relationship. She also sounds jealous and that will be an issue ...sorry

Poppingmad123 · 12/04/2023 18:12

I remember my mum having a similar reaction to my 20+ year old cousin sitting on her dads knee. I wasn’t there but my mum came home and told me about it. She said something like how old is she!! Sitting on her dads knee like a big baby! I didn’t say anything but inside I thought good on her & felt a tiny bit jealous that my cousin felt so free and secure to do that without giving it a second thought. My parents didn’t show much love so the fact that you do, is actually a wonderful and healthy thing. Carry on & ignore this women. She is sexualising it sadly. Find out what’s going on by all means but can you really stay with a women who thinks that you are capable of being inappropriate with your daughter?

dcthatsme · 12/04/2023 18:16

Some people may have experienced very little physical contact as children and they are shocked and feel uncomfortable when they see displays of physical affection between parents and children. I don't think it's at all strange that your daughter sat on your knee and hugged you to wish you happy birthday. In fact I think it's lovely. My son, who's 16, occasionally sits on my knee and hugs me especially when he's feeling down or once in a while comes over and gives me a hug. I say the above because there were very few displays of physical affection when I was growing up from my parents towards me and my sister, which with hindsight wasn't great, and I had to cross a line and change this when my sons were young.

ReginaFalange321 · 12/04/2023 18:20

She's either got an abusive past that makes her overreact like this or she's totally bonkers. It's great you have such a lovely relationship with your daughter. You've done nothing wrong and certainly not done any disgusting. Talk it out with her and if she's just being over the top for no reason I think you should end your relationship. If there is something dark in her past that has made her react like this all you can do is talk it through and be there for her. Oh and happy belated birthday 🎂💐🤗

Shona52 · 12/04/2023 18:21

Maximo2 · 11/04/2023 15:15

It’s her reaction that is weird and disgusting. Get rid!

Total agree the fact she made something so innocent into something dirty is awful.

Shanda5 · 12/04/2023 18:30

Your partner sounds like a lunatic.

Messyhair321 · 12/04/2023 18:32

It's disturbing that she is reading so much into this. What she's suggesting is extremely uncomfortable