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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

16 Year Old Daughter sat on fathers knee. Disgusting?

464 replies

RedFlags1 · 11/04/2023 15:12

It was my birthday last month and I went round to my new partners house for a meal with my two daughters.

After dinner I sat in an arm chair in the sitting room and my 16 year old came in and sat on my knee and gave me a hug and said Happy Birthday Dad. She was on my knee for about 30 seconds.

My partner was moody all evening and then shocked me by saying that this was because my daughter had sat on my knee. She said that this was abnormal and disgusting, that she thought it completely inappropriate for an adult woman to sit on my knee.

She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.

I am stunned by this reaction to something that I see as completely natural and not at all controversial.

At home I will often sit on the sofa next to my girls (16, 20+, 20+++) and put my arm around them. I have never for one second thought this inappropriate, nor have they.

Can I ask, does anyone think that it is inappropriate behaviour or disgusting?

OP posts:
321user123 · 11/04/2023 19:32

Nope.
Op, off she goes. Keep being a fab dad

lemmein · 11/04/2023 19:32

I cannot imagine being in a relationship with someone who'd implied I had an inappropriate relationship with my child 🤢

Zezet · 11/04/2023 19:35

Whoah, you need to leave that woman.

lemmein · 11/04/2023 19:36

Actually, did you just start this thread so posters talk about their experiences cuddling their dads? 🤨

LovedmyRaleighChopper · 11/04/2023 19:39

“She went on to say that this made her feel sick and about to faint.”
Ew, what an absolute weirdo your partner is. Red flags all over this one, she has huge issues. Run for the hills! Anyone who sees their bfs daughters as the competition is not suited to a relationship with any bloke with kids.

Ktime · 11/04/2023 19:40

So OP never came back? Figures.

FictionalCharacter · 11/04/2023 19:44

She felt sick and about to faint? Dramatic much? She’s absolutely ridiculous. Don’t let her make you feel bad or spoil your relationship with your daughter.

Mulhollandmagoo · 11/04/2023 19:46

Is it possible that she is jealous of your relationship with your daughters?

Newmum110 · 11/04/2023 19:56

I once had a partner lose his shit with me because myself & my brother shared an armchair in a busy bar. Apparently if I was sharing a chair with anyone it should have been him.
Ffs talk about making something completely innocent into something wrong.
He is my ex partner, she should be your ex partner!!!!!

JustDanceAddict · 11/04/2023 19:58

Your partner is weird!! Maybe something happened to her as a teen and she was triggered cos there’s nowt wrong with what your daughter did!

Sassenach96 · 11/04/2023 19:59

My dads girlfriend went ballistic because I breastfed my newborn in the same room as my dad. It’s a really odd thing to be upset about and honestly, you should leave.

PurplePlayhouse · 11/04/2023 20:00

Very weird. She sounds jealous.

I actually feel really sad that my Dad and father in law balk at giving my son a goodbye hug now that he's 12.

I'm considerably older than 16 and I love giving my Dad a big hug.

Sleeepdeprived · 11/04/2023 20:00

You sound like a lovely dad! I wish I had that sort of relationship with my dad and hope my DD does with my DH. Your new partner sounds deranged.

Regularfantaorange · 11/04/2023 20:14

She's working towards edging your DDs out. I wouldn't see her again. I wouldn't go near anyone who suggested I had an inappropriate relationship with any of my children anyway. Yuck! The filth of her mind.

And she thinks that of you and still wants to continue a relationship with you? She wouldn't be for me.

NoWayRose · 11/04/2023 20:16

Bin bin bin. Cherish that your daughter is still that close to you. She lives in bizzaro world.

CheriseNuland · 11/04/2023 20:19

Has op come back? I’m wondering what he thinks of all the support he’s getting here.

redbigbananafeet · 11/04/2023 20:28

Amantissima · 11/04/2023 15:24

She sounds as if she's sexualising your relationship with your teenage daughter AND views her as some kind of rival for your affection/intention.

💯 and it's weird as hell. I remember my ex saying something similar when I was pretend wrestling with my cousin and it always stuck with me as creepy and possessive.

TheFormidableMrsC · 11/04/2023 21:03

This is red flag behaviour. It'll be just the start of pushing a wedge between you and your girls. She's jealous. Her reaction is utterly ridiculous. I'd be running a mile if I were you!

maddy68 · 11/04/2023 21:17

She's bonkers. Completely normal ;)

winterchills · 11/04/2023 21:22

Wtf!!! What a weird controlling woman! Get rid. Poor you and your daughter being made to think thats wrong!!

Original poster
RedFlags1 · 11/04/2023 21:28

Wow! Thank you all for your comments.

I was really angry about the implication that there was something untoward in an innocent act of affection. I still am.
She has two boys who are aged either side of my daughter and both of whom give me a big hug when I go round, and their grandfather and aunt.
I found this slightly uncomfortable at first, but their mother is fine with this and thinks this is totally different as they are boys.

OP posts:
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 11/04/2023 21:34

thinks this is totally different as they are boys.

So she is making a clear sexual implication to your relationship with your DD…

What are you going to do??

Cosyblankets · 11/04/2023 21:35

Jealous possessive and controlling
Get rid

MammaMacgill87 · 11/04/2023 21:38

I sat on my dad's knee till I was 27 (untill he passed)
I often forget that not everyone has had a healthy relationship with their father growing up which often leads to all sort of strange opinions.
It strikes me as jealousy honestly which is weird in itself

LizzieW1969 · 11/04/2023 22:39

I’m sorry to say that what she said was completely out of order. I understand about triggering, as I was a victim of CSA (by my F), but I can see that it’s my own issue to deal with, so would never cast aspersions on a loving father showing affection in a tactile way to his DDs. (Like my DH does with our DDs.)

Plus, the sulking is really poor behaviour on top of her disgusting insinuations.

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