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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not expect to pay excessive amount as we're family.

601 replies

Boop1e · 11/04/2023 14:15

In laws brought themselves a caravan on a haven site a year ago. Decided to spend some pension money on it.
the site fees have renewed and have gone up just like everything else in life.
They don't rent it out and we only use it as family.
Anyway father in law has just charged his own son £75 for 3 nights to use it. He owed me money for ordering him a new tablet and doing him a favour so took the money out of that which I couldn't afford to lose.

Before the season started he mentioned charging £25 a day but nothing else happened and no mention of it again before we went.

He's also charged brother in law £150 to use but they paid upfront.

Am i being unreasonable to feel this is a lot to charge your own children and £10 or so a day would be sufficient. I'm not convinced I spend £25 a day heating and lighting my 3 bed home. They get their passes included with the caravan for 10 people.

Husband won't challenge it because it won't make any difference.

OP posts:
pinkpantherpink · 12/04/2023 20:13

Maintenence and upkeep isn't cheap. If you want to use it, pay for it.

ArcticSkewer · 12/04/2023 20:38

Mumwomansisterdaughter · 12/04/2023 18:23

What are their fees ? A good 4k a year plus maintenance expenses ? And you begrudge £75 ?
personally I would never use something from someone else as a home without paying . It’s called being polite ! As an example a friend let me use her car when I went abroad for 2 days recently no charge at all . So I paid her family a dinner out and left her a full thank of petrol and as I knew she wanted the car detailed for a while I took it to be fully cleaned before I hand it back .
you thinking you are entitled to use something simple because it’s family is 100% wrong . The fact you never offered makes it even worse

Was she okay about that @Mumwomansisterdaughter ? I'd be a bit embarrassed tbh.

I guess there are just different types of people and things work as long as they don't interact. I'd be reluctant to do someone a favour if they couldn't accept it without going overboard on the thanks.

Gracious acceptance of gifts is a skill as well.

furMum19 · 12/04/2023 20:59

My sister charges me £100 per night for her holiday home out of season. Think of it as saving money as if you you were staying down there in someone else's place. Remember that you know who has slept in the bed and not a random person with their hygiene unknown! That's the way I look at it. Also, I fully clean it before leaving (to a very high level!) so she doesn't need to worry about getting her cleaner in! Win win for you IMO, if they didn't have it, you wouldn't be able to stay there at that price!

Flamingosrule · 12/04/2023 21:08

furMum19 · 12/04/2023 20:59

My sister charges me £100 per night for her holiday home out of season. Think of it as saving money as if you you were staying down there in someone else's place. Remember that you know who has slept in the bed and not a random person with their hygiene unknown! That's the way I look at it. Also, I fully clean it before leaving (to a very high level!) so she doesn't need to worry about getting her cleaner in! Win win for you IMO, if they didn't have it, you wouldn't be able to stay there at that price!

Exactly! My cleaner is now nearly £50 regardless of whether it’s overnight or a two week stay!

lookingforchangenowww · 12/04/2023 21:09

why shouldn’t they charge you full amount as if they could possibly charge anyone else if they want to?

Have you paid part of the caravan so that you could enjoy your holiday with your kids ? Do you pay for the park fees ? If not, go rent your self somewhere else rather than relying on family members and blaming them for your self entitlement.

good grief!

daydreaming4 · 12/04/2023 21:30

I think it's awful so let's fast forward a few years should your elderly in laws have daily care needs How would everyone feel if you charged a fee for running to shops, cleaning their home helping them with Washing and personal care £17 an hour most local authorities charge.
Families wherever possible should not charge each other.
I have had grandparents in my family asking for ten pounds petrol money to visit their own grandchildren then one day I woke up 🤣 can't believe I actually used to pay it.

curlywurlylover666 · 12/04/2023 21:47

I think that's very reasonable to be honest and nice of them to let you use their caravan which they have no doubt worked hard to buy.

I know I personally wouldn't charge my children if I didn't need to, but equally as a grown adult I would want to make a contribution to my stay. I wouldn't expect it for free and £25 a night is not even the cost of a takeaway really.

What is naughty is taking it out of what he owed you, if that discussion had not taken place already.

Enjoy your break away

Goldiemummy · 12/04/2023 22:02

If you don't want to pay £25 a day then don't use the caravan.

nigelthornberry69 · 12/04/2023 22:05

AnotherForumUser · 12/04/2023 08:32

Yup the bottled gas and the electric are totally free. Doesn't cost a penny to heat the caravan, heat the water or use the fridge, freezer or cooker. Duh!
And as previously explained if you'd bothered to read the earlier posts these caravan parks supply the gas and electricity at a higher cost of usage than domestic costs. That's because they are a business and don't have the domestic cap on energy so it costs the van owners a small fortune in energy costs. So the in laws have to pay for the energy. Still think the OP should pay nothing?

Show quote history

I mean if it was my adult kids and my caravan I wouldn't take issue. I just meant that they obviously don't have it as a money making venture where they're losing out on full-rate paying borrowers when their kids are in it. Not that everything is free.

And you know, our grandparents don't charge us for the gas or electricity used when we stay with them as guests so it's not totally unreasonable to see it being possible that they might not expect that staying in their caravan as guests.

I was pondering this today (sad life lol) and I think the thing that I actually find odd is the fact that whatever their family ettiquete is for this situation isn't understood by them all.

Like I am sure pretty much everyone reading this knows how it would go if it was your grandparents. Either they would expect money and you would know and accept that. Or they wouldn't hear anything of it and you'd know and accept that too, maybe try to take them out for lunch or something at least as a gesture in place. The disconnect between the parents and the kids I think might actually be the strange bit.

deste · 12/04/2023 22:21

We have a residential caravan, 8 years ago we worked out that it cost us £75 a week just to have it on site including gas and electric.
The sites you are talking about are three times our site fees so it’s possible he wants a contribution to cover costs and depreciation.
I don’t think you would get a weekend for £75 anywhere not even camping in a campsite in a tent.
New caravans these days are very luxurious so I’m sure you enjoyed it.

whatsyourpoison12 · 12/04/2023 22:22

someones got to foot the bill at the end of the day

namechangingisboringme · 12/04/2023 22:54

Boop1e · 11/04/2023 14:15

In laws brought themselves a caravan on a haven site a year ago. Decided to spend some pension money on it.
the site fees have renewed and have gone up just like everything else in life.
They don't rent it out and we only use it as family.
Anyway father in law has just charged his own son £75 for 3 nights to use it. He owed me money for ordering him a new tablet and doing him a favour so took the money out of that which I couldn't afford to lose.

Before the season started he mentioned charging £25 a day but nothing else happened and no mention of it again before we went.

He's also charged brother in law £150 to use but they paid upfront.

Am i being unreasonable to feel this is a lot to charge your own children and £10 or so a day would be sufficient. I'm not convinced I spend £25 a day heating and lighting my 3 bed home. They get their passes included with the caravan for 10 people.

Husband won't challenge it because it won't make any difference.

We charge family the cleaning fee, if we're not there also, it's €100-150 per stay doesn't matter if that's 3 days or 3 weeks we also ask they strip beds and put a wash on before they leave because that helps the cleaner out. For reference that's a villa in Italy sleeping up to 12 people. I've paid less than £100 for a caravan for 3 nights using haven so I fully understand your frustration, you could have chosen a different site etc.
Did you take your own bedding?

GUARDIAN1 · 12/04/2023 23:10

YABU. That's a very cheap holiday. A friend lets us use her cottage on the South Coast free during the off-season months. We pay £70 for cleaning and buy our own logs to use the wood burner. I reckon we pay about £100 altogether when we add in firelighters, kindling etc. And I'm extremely grateful.

Waterbottleallthetime · 12/04/2023 23:28

🙄

postapesto · 12/04/2023 23:42

nomoredriving · 12/04/2023 15:23

@postapesto in 90% of people votings opinion OP is BU.

I think anyway you look at it, that's fairly conclusive?

Conclusive of what? It's only conclusive of the fact that 90% of people voting think OP is being UR.
It doesn't actually mean anything. In some rooms, 90% of people could easily say that Brexit was a good idea. Doesn't mean it was a good idea. In another room, 100% people could swear blind that twaw. They'd all be wrong though.

Very dangerous idea to imagine that you are correct just because you are in a majority at any given time.

IamKlaus · 12/04/2023 23:44

Am I the only one who would pay 25 quid a day to not have to stay in an inlaws caravan?

Spain1980 · 13/04/2023 00:07

Two things going on here. Is it reasonable to charge £25 a day? Yes it is. Otherwise they are subsidising your free holiday ( wear and tear, fuel and park fees, lost opportunity for them to use it). So I think a nominal fee is fair and can hardly be construed as ‘profiting’ from family as they are unlikely to break even. Also just lending to family means you are getting a better quality holiday let and more flexibility on available dates. Is it something most people would do (charge family). Probably not - but personally I my family would would replace any fuel used, leave it in immaculate condition and perhaps reciprocate in some way. Perhaps they didn’t want to rely on people doing the right thing (or had a bad experience) so decided to introduce a nominal fee to cover things.

nomoredriving · 13/04/2023 01:47

@postapesto yeah but OP is being UR, the 90% are correct.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 13/04/2023 02:02

dig135 · 12/04/2023 07:04

I was gobsmacked by how expensive caravans are.

My friend bought one for £150k at a park on the south coast. I can't remember the exact length of the lease (something 15-20 years) but it reverts to the park owner at the end of the lease.

So that's an annual depreciation cost of £7,500-£10,000. Annual site fees were £10,000 so the yearly cost was about £20,000. (They chose not to rent it out).

They wanted to sell but it wasn't easy to sell to an individual rather than the park owner who made a lowball offer. Think they ended up getting something like £50k back after 5 years in.

In the end, that 5 years cost £100k in the drop in value and £50k in site fees, so £30,000 per year (excluding maintenance). That buys a lot of nice holidays elsewhere which is the conclusion they came to.

This is exactly why I am baffled why anyone buys a caravan on a site. It seems like very poor value to me.

LovelyLisa2 · 13/04/2023 07:05

That’s nothing. It’s not your caravan so why shouldn’t you pay something…

Tanfastic · 13/04/2023 07:23

It really depends how you look at it. Did they buy it in order to rent it out and make some profit or earnings from it? If so then yabu.

My parents used to run a small guest house and family would assume they could stay for nothing. My mum would be happy for my siblings to stay for nothing but not in the busiest times when she needed to make money.

BMrs · 13/04/2023 10:10

@ReadersD1gest the bottles automatically switch over to new bottles and they wouldn't know the cost and we haven't said to be honest.

We just ask them for £50 per stay and some weeks it costs us, some weeks when the weather is warmer they likely won't use that much is gas/electric etc.

MadMadaMim · 13/04/2023 11:59

You married well - you all sound tight and entitled.

You were told, joking or not, you'd be charged. £6.25 each per night (assuming you have 2 children as you used plural - even less if you have morel. Seems extremely reasonable and not at all excessive.

The problem here is that you're deciding who can/cannot afford what and who should/shouldn't charge for use of their property. Whether you agree or not, it's not up to you!

If you didn't want to pay, you shouldn't have gone. And the 'after the fact' argument is your fault for not listening to and respecting what you were told before you went - you would be charged £25 per night.

And to all the p iple who agree with you and find it odd - it's odd you think this way! I would insist on contributing to stay in a holiday home/caravan. And if it was refused I'd make sure I found another way to thank them. I certainly wouldn't begrudge £6 per night AND THEN DISS THEM on a social media site.

Whatafliberty · 13/04/2023 16:45

I would only charge my kids heating costs.

angela99999 · 13/04/2023 17:02

I can't see anything in any of the OP's posts that say what it actually costs her PiL to keep the caravan on the site. It seems reasonable to pay what it costs them to run it, but not to make a contribution to the cost of the caravan as they will still own it.