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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not expect to pay excessive amount as we're family.

601 replies

Boop1e · 11/04/2023 14:15

In laws brought themselves a caravan on a haven site a year ago. Decided to spend some pension money on it.
the site fees have renewed and have gone up just like everything else in life.
They don't rent it out and we only use it as family.
Anyway father in law has just charged his own son £75 for 3 nights to use it. He owed me money for ordering him a new tablet and doing him a favour so took the money out of that which I couldn't afford to lose.

Before the season started he mentioned charging £25 a day but nothing else happened and no mention of it again before we went.

He's also charged brother in law £150 to use but they paid upfront.

Am i being unreasonable to feel this is a lot to charge your own children and £10 or so a day would be sufficient. I'm not convinced I spend £25 a day heating and lighting my 3 bed home. They get their passes included with the caravan for 10 people.

Husband won't challenge it because it won't make any difference.

OP posts:
OhmygodDont · 12/04/2023 17:19

Winter2020 · 12/04/2023 15:50

I think it's interesting that the same people that say "If I had a caravan I would allow everyone to use it for free as that's how families work" and see themselves as hypothetically generous and the inlaws as tight begrudge paying even their own expenses.

It’s is always those who don’t have it that can magically say they would have no problem too.

If I had a caravan it’s very easy to be generous with it without knowing the costs.

As an ex caravan owner who didn’t even tell family we owned it no freebies here. The only freebies as such was an invite to pop down for the day/night if they wanted to join us. Gas bottles where only £65 then compared to now as well. Site fees just under 3k and our site have nothing at all on it.

ReadersD1gest · 12/04/2023 17:22

It’s is always those who don’t have it that can magically say they would have no problem too.
It's a bit of a theme, yes. Justifying grabbing from others on the grounds that if the roles were reversed, you wouldn't mind the grabbers!

nomoredriving · 12/04/2023 17:22

ReadersD1gest · 12/04/2023 17:22

It’s is always those who don’t have it that can magically say they would have no problem too.
It's a bit of a theme, yes. Justifying grabbing from others on the grounds that if the roles were reversed, you wouldn't mind the grabbers!

100%

H007 · 12/04/2023 17:51

YABU why wouldn’t you pay? You are getting a good deal and it’s not like you have to go.

Noangelbuthavingfun · 12/04/2023 18:01

Boop1e · 11/04/2023 17:41

I've never posted before and have worked out it's a miserable place for people to rip strips of each other.
I could have explained myself and worded my post a bit better earlier.
We both work and pay our way in life and help out family and host at Christmas and in the summer as we have enough space.

Show quote history

Omg give your head a wobble please. 25 per night is pittance. You used to stay before for free. They are probably charging you because you never before offered to pay anything for it which you should have done! What have you given in return before? Family or not you don't tsje the piss. U clearly are taking the piss. You'd be better off paying to go somewhere else in future ... snd will then probably realise how lucky you were. R days worth of 25 quid wouldnt even cover thd cleaning....

RavenhairedRachel · 12/04/2023 18:02

To be honest I would want payment if it was my caravan to go towards the site fees. I think the amount you're paying is a bargain.

Mediocrates · 12/04/2023 18:21

We’ve just had a few night’s in my dad’s static van. He doesn’t charge us - we always leave him bread and milk and a gift, which I appreciate makes it a v v cheap holiday for us - but I still voted YABU because your FIL told you he was going to charge. Also because it makes no odds that he’s paying site fees etc anyway - he’s paying them and not able to stay there because you will be there.

Mediocrates · 12/04/2023 18:23

Also, YABVU to suggest that £25 per night is “excessive”. Honestly, have you seen how much these places cost? We’d be £33 per night at this site for our 3-person tent. It’s a lovely, coastal site but has no Haven type facilities (which is why we come here TBH)

Mumwomansisterdaughter · 12/04/2023 18:23

What are their fees ? A good 4k a year plus maintenance expenses ? And you begrudge £75 ?
personally I would never use something from someone else as a home without paying . It’s called being polite ! As an example a friend let me use her car when I went abroad for 2 days recently no charge at all . So I paid her family a dinner out and left her a full thank of petrol and as I knew she wanted the car detailed for a while I took it to be fully cleaned before I hand it back .
you thinking you are entitled to use something simple because it’s family is 100% wrong . The fact you never offered makes it even worse

NazMedusa · 12/04/2023 18:30

YABVU. We are paying over £500 to stay at Haven in July for 4 nights. £25 per night covers costs (electricity, gas, water, wear and tear, etc). They are not being unreasonable at all. They also mentioned it beforehand and it sounds like you chose to brush it off because you feel entitled to their caravan. It's theirs, not yours to use for free.

Flamingosrule · 12/04/2023 18:50

We own a caravan on a haven site - costs have rocketed - it’s costing us about £600 a month this year and gas itself is now nearly £75 a bottle on our site .. which doesn’t last long when people crank the heating up and then open windows because they come back and realise the place is like a bloody sauna!
My family know the costs involved and are more than happy to pay - they pay more than £25 a night!
sounds harsh but why should someone else subsidise your holiday?
I do not think your in laws are being unreasonable!
I had a friend that wanted our van for ten days in august and was clearly horrified I was going to charge her less than a third of what I’d normally charge on Airbnb (and far far less than haven would’ve charged) that she stopped speaking to me!! 🤣 Goodbye then! 😁
we bought purely for location (and sentimental reasons as our family and extended family have holidayed at the site since the 1960s) - sadly we are selling up this year because I begrudge paying the extortionate fees that haven charge and owners are getting less and less each year - the state of our site is appalling!

Flamingosrule · 12/04/2023 18:56

Mumwomansisterdaughter · 12/04/2023 18:23

What are their fees ? A good 4k a year plus maintenance expenses ? And you begrudge £75 ?
personally I would never use something from someone else as a home without paying . It’s called being polite ! As an example a friend let me use her car when I went abroad for 2 days recently no charge at all . So I paid her family a dinner out and left her a full thank of petrol and as I knew she wanted the car detailed for a while I took it to be fully cleaned before I hand it back .
you thinking you are entitled to use something simple because it’s family is 100% wrong . The fact you never offered makes it even worse

Try double that on a haven site - even triple on some 😩 with maintenance, gas, electric and rates on top ☹️

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 12/04/2023 18:56

We stay with our in-laws while they are there and they don’t charge us. Last we ended up having to stay there a while as father in law got sick and mother in law can’t be left alone

Mothershit · 12/04/2023 18:59

My parents just got themselves a holiday apartment in a lovely UK location, and suddenly everyone is their best friend. All the relatives are booking themselves in. They are now worrying that with all the bills they probably cant afford to keep it up. Dont take advantage. £25 a night is a bargain and I'm going to recommend to my parents they ask for the same from anyone that stays.

sadsack78 · 12/04/2023 19:01

Tbh that sounds cheap to me!

Presumably your FIL has to make payments for the site, electricity, cleaning etc, so I think it's a nice gesture to chip in with the cost, even if he hadn't asked you in the first place.

I am v ignorant about pension rates etc but I know enough to know pensioners aren't rolling in it atm, so maybe they really need the money.

I have sympathies though. Most of us muggles are broke and everything is expensive. And anything involving money and family is awkward and tricky and gets heated quickly. There is no rule book on how to handle it graciously but also set boundaries.

lightsandtunnels · 12/04/2023 19:04

We have a caravan and all family including our grown up DCs pay £20 a night to stay. They are more than happy to pay and they also charge their friends who go with them a bit extra to top up our site fees pot!
YABVU to be unhappy about paying. Like others have said, don’t go!

Hmm1234 · 12/04/2023 19:11

Can’t believe you’re complaining about having to pay a fraction of what caravans cost. I wouldn’t want my family using my holiday home all the time and taking the P either

ginlovingqueen · 12/04/2023 19:13

Yabu

That's surely to cover fuel and cleaning costs?

Flamingosrule · 12/04/2023 19:15

StuartBroadshairband · 11/04/2023 20:45

It is bollocks. Some parks and some caravans will be over a grand. I've seen them.

She said Haven charge over a grand. They do - for some holidays. I've been away there five times and have spent a grand total of less than £350, yet according to that PP, I must have spent over £5000. My holidays cost less than OP is being charged by her ILs.

Show quote history

This is because when people buy a caravan on a haven site, Haven will sell them the dream and talk them into renting through them. They will put holidaymakers booking through haven in owners vans not their own fleet vans!! (And often upgraded from what they paid for) and on many occasions I’ve heard owners getting just £30 -£40 for the week and they still are left to fork out for the gas, electric etc!
it’s an unregulated industry - they can do whatever the hell they like and people are losing thousands - if I sell my caravan, then regardless of what I get for it, Haven will take a commission of 12.5% plus VAT off me (even if they have had no part in advertising) - there’s no getting away from it as the buyer has to pay Haven who then hand the money over to the seller

toomuchlaundry · 12/04/2023 19:26

@StuartBroadshairband so you are going out of school holidays, are you also in the highest grade caravan with access to everything at that price?

cruisingwater · 12/04/2023 19:32

Yabu
Very unreasonable.
I’m embarrassed for you that you didn’t a) offer to pay and b) pay more
Do hope you left a stocked larder and wine etc for them and paid for the cleaning?

Mumwomansisterdaughter · 12/04/2023 19:48

Flamingosrule · 12/04/2023 18:56

Try double that on a haven site - even triple on some 😩 with maintenance, gas, electric and rates on top ☹️

Show quote history

Really ? Wow well it makes my point even more relevant . I did not realise it was that expensive

LoisLane66 · 12/04/2023 19:50

Kids are older and entertainment is too old for them too...but they still wanted to go?
That doesn't make much sense.

verdantverdure · 12/04/2023 19:52

I'm still gobsmacked that anyone thinks £6.25 per person per night is an "excessive amount".

HauntedPencil · 12/04/2023 20:03

toomuchlaundry · 12/04/2023 19:26

@StuartBroadshairband so you are going out of school holidays, are you also in the highest grade caravan with access to everything at that price?

Think they need to start their own little tips site with the bargains they can get at Haven. Like the Judith Chalmers of the caravan world.