To think it's rude not to wait for guests..?

[easterbunnyz]

My parents invited us for Easter lunch. They didn't really give an exact time said around 5-6. Admittedly we got there just after 6.. they had already started, and almost finished eating.
They do this all the time? I can't imagine inviting them and if they were late just start eating without them.
AIBU to think it's rude not to wait? Or is that me expecting too much?

Exactly!

It was mean spirited of them. I often host sunday roasts with other families. If I say come over between 5-6 that is because I'd like a glass of wine and some time with them before we eat and the aim to get everything on the table around 6.30. If I said we were aiming to eat between 5-6 I would expect them to be there by 5, as it rude for guests to turn up just as the meal is immediately served. There is just poor communication. We would never eat before they arrived and would have called.

Massive communication issues.

It's "Sunday lunch" but we have that at tea time. So as the evening meal.

I wish I hadn't started this thread 🤦🏼‍♀️ but thank you all for your replies!

Even by your interpretation, it’s by perhaps ten minutes, which a good host would have no problem with.

It's like one those philosophical conundrums like "If a tree falls in the forest", etc.,
If nobody points out your rudeness, are you still rude?
For clarity - yes.

Yes! I am not going mad! Surely this is normal!

Looks like I am going against the grain here, but I think it's odd to be vague about dinner timings and then start eating without your guests!

If I told my guests "around 5 to 6" I'd expect them to arrive sometime around then, not dead on. So anytime from 4:30 - 6:30.

Usually a host would allow a little leeway, to accommodate their guests arrivals. Or otherwise, make sure to be a lot more specific about timings!

@MasterBeth it's up to 1 hour and 10 mins actually!

Glad you've actually got a PP to agree with you, it must make you feel a little bit better?

I think there's a big difference between " hosts & guests", and close family.

OP was rude turning up late & not 'phoning ahead.

I think an hours leeway is sufficient myself.

You say they do it all the time so I wonder if you are frequently late.

If someone kept giving me a vague time for a meal and was frequently eating when I arrived I would ask them to be more specific the next time they invited me.

If I was working and couldn't guarantee I would leave work on time I would make my host aware and possibly negotiate a later time so I could be confident I wouldn't be late.

If I was running late I would call my host at the earliest opportunity to make them aware.

If I invited guests and they were usually punctual I would call them to make sure they were OK.

If a guest had a habit of being late I'd chalk it up to them being rude and eat my dinner.

No! No! No!

Even if I asked you to come between 5 and 6 and you arrive at ten past six, you are not an hour and ten minutes late!

A minute to six, on time. A minute past six, an hour late? That makes no sense!

@MasterBeth yea yes yes

I wish I hadn't started this thread 🤦🏼‍♀️ but thank you all for your replies!

Actually, I think you've done a public service, OP. Now everyone here will be firming up expectations amongst their own families! 😝

It makes no sense because you're still not grasping the point.

Haven't you ever been invited to dinner in polite society, @MasterBeth ? 😂
You seem astonishingly clueless as to how things work

Quite 🤣🤣🤣

All this arguing dinner at 5-6 doesn't mean between those times.

I'd actually love to hear how you translate "invited to dinner around 5-6 ish" actually means turning up late after 6 with no warning makes the other person wrong for not waiting.

Even if they said 6 the OP was late without warning.

Honestly, in my opinion, 5-6 means 5 at the earliest, 5:30 at the latest. It definitely doesn’t mean after 6.

did you text or call to say you’d be running late?

If you didn’t finish work till after 5 and you have the kind of job where you end up staying late, the conversation should have gone -
‘what time should we come over?’
’about 5-6’
‘I don’t finish work till at the earliest 5 so won’t make it over till 5.30 or later will that be okay?’
Why do you not communicate properly? My DP ‘s family are like this. Nothing is clear and it makes me anxious. They wouldn’t eat without us but food often gets dry or is ready hours after when it was supposed to.

Seriously, this reveals that you are by any measure being unreasonable. You’re literally trying to rewrite the laws of time!

If I invite two friends to dinner between 5 and 6 and one walks through the door at 5.59 and the other walks through the door at 6:01, how can one be on time and one be an hour late? Please explain.

How can I be late at 5:45 if you’re inviting me between 5 and 6? How???!!

Anyone else actually want to eat at MasterBeths?

At least you know that you don't have to be on time because being late is perfectly acceptable and she'd wait for us all

You were late. They were not rude.

@MasterBeth do you have two friends?

If I was going to someone house, and they said lunch was between x and y time I’d assume that’s what time whoever was cooking thought the food would be ready. So I’d aim to get there before then.

Actually, I’d probably say ‘what time would you like us to arrive?’ They’d probably say x - 30 minutes and we’ll have drinks / nibbles. But it seems as if communication al round was poor to non existant.

If someone invited me round for lunch and we were eating later I’d expect them to say something like ‘oh, get here for 6ish and we’ll eat around 7’

What I wouldn’t do if asked round for lunch between 5 and 6 is rock up after 6 without either clarifying first or calling when I was on the way!