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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's rude not to wait for guests..?

402 replies

easterbunnyz · 10/04/2023 17:59

My parents invited us for Easter lunch. They didn't really give an exact time said around 5-6. Admittedly we got there just after 6.. they had already started, and almost finished eating.
They do this all the time? I can't imagine inviting them and if they were late just start eating without them.
AIBU to think it's rude not to wait? Or is that me expecting too much?

OP posts:
nomoredriving · 10/04/2023 19:21

@MasterBeth shame op didn't ask them to clarify then?

justasking111 · 10/04/2023 19:22

TwoThousandZeroZeroPartyOverOopsFoundMoreTime · 10/04/2023 18:10

They said dinner would be about 5-6pm so you arrive at 5pm

Not after 6pm

I would have dished up too and been annoyed you were late

The variation of time was to help the cook incase ot took
Longer not to have to wait for you to arrive!!

That's how I would read it. Giving cook breathing space. We always serve drinks and nibbles for this reason

manticlimactic · 10/04/2023 19:22

I would ask what time are we eating? Especially if it's a regular occurance

UnderPressureLikeACustomerInALushStore · 10/04/2023 19:23

Hey should they eat a cold meal because you were late?

MasterBeth · 10/04/2023 19:24

JudgeRudy · 10/04/2023 19:00

The point I was making was they probably didn't say around, they said between, but let's say they did...
OP - so what time is dinner Mum?
Mum - around 5 to 6

Now I feel most people would take that to mean any time from 5 to 6,which would mean I'd plan to arrive just after 5 with a buffet for holdups.

Now if the conversation was
Mum - what time do you think you'll get here
OH - around 5 or 6
Mum - OK love I'll do dinner for 630 then

Without a transcript it's difficult to establish but I still think the majority of people would take around 5 to 6 to mean between. Arguably technically it doesn't, so 6:10 is around 6 however people just don't speak like that...or I've not heard that. At best a friend might say what time are we meeting/are you coming round, and I'd say "about seven, seven thirty?". For a meal I would expect a half hour window max.
It does sound as if OP intended to be there earlier. I also think it'd very poor etiquette to arrive as dinner is being served.

Show quote history

So you’re basing your argument on what you think probably happened, rather than on what the OP said happened? OK…

(A buffet for holdups is over catering, IMHO.)

GoodChat · 10/04/2023 19:25

louderthan · 10/04/2023 19:02

Anyone else thinking that 5/6 is an odd time to eat lunch?

Presumably she's calling it lunch because it's a roast, like Sunday lunch that you eat at whatever time (but definitely not at 12!)

MasterBeth · 10/04/2023 19:25

nomoredriving · 10/04/2023 19:21

@MasterBeth shame op didn't ask them to clarify then?

Yes. And still extremely rude to start eating without her.

Beautiful3 · 10/04/2023 19:26

If they said come between 5-6, and you came later. Then I'd expect them to start eating at 6. Sounds like you assumed they'd wait for you. Did they still dish up your dinner?

nomoredriving · 10/04/2023 19:27

@MasterBeth not as rude as ensuring your hosts are not inconvenienced by your lack of manners,

CurlyhairedAssassin · 10/04/2023 19:28

Maybe they're one of those weird families who eat at strange times, like lunch at 4pm? Thought they'd postpone it an hour for you. And then found they were too hungry to wait. DH's parents are a bit like that, or used to be. Don't understand the concept of communal eating. Quite often we used to arrive for Sunday lunch and DH's dad had eaten his and was sitting watching telly in the front room. MIL would get ours out of the oven where it was keeping warm. Sometimes she'd already eaten too, ,but sometimes she had it with us. I mean, I was always grateful for someone else cooking for us, but I always found the canteen atmosphere a bit odd. If you invite family to eat a meal with you, you EAT A MEAL WITH THEM, don't you? Confused

We never have an issue in my family when planning stuff so there is never any misunderstandings. It's really not complicated.

Mum: "would you like to come for a meal on Easter weekend/whenever?"

Me: "ooh yes, that would be nice, thanks, when were you thinking of? I'm working on Easter Sunday until 5 so if you wanted to do it then it would have to be an evening meal, we could probably get there just after 6? Of if you want to make it at a lunchtime we could come on Easter Monday whenever you like, just let us know what time to get there."

I just don't get how these "everyone's annoyed at each other cos this happened" situations arise when you communicate and discuss plans properly.

MasterBeth · 10/04/2023 19:29

kittensinthekitchen · 10/04/2023 19:09

Is English your first language?
Where did the OP say they arrived "at ten past 6"?

Show quote history

She said “a little after six.”

In British English and British culture, “a little” means a few minutes, maybe ten.

PippaF2 · 10/04/2023 19:30

You said, they do this all the time. Does that mean - you're late all the time?

It's your family. They were hungry, you were late.

Did they save you dinner?

GoodChat · 10/04/2023 19:31

In British English and British culture, “a little” means a few minutes, maybe ten.

In British English and British culture 'around 5-6' means you arrive in that window.

thebaneofmylifeisacat · 10/04/2023 19:31

Good grief!!

They tell you an exact time to be there and you be there.

You all sound massively flakey

nomoredriving · 10/04/2023 19:31

@MasterBeth and don't forget the other @English/British culture things that have been spouted on here.

It's quiet odd!

nomoredriving · 10/04/2023 19:31

nomoredriving · 10/04/2023 19:31

@MasterBeth and don't forget the other @English/British culture things that have been spouted on here.

It's quiet odd!

Quite

nomoredriving · 10/04/2023 19:32

GoodChat · 10/04/2023 19:31

In British English and British culture, “a little” means a few minutes, maybe ten.

In British English and British culture 'around 5-6' means you arrive in that window.

👏 👏

MasterBeth · 10/04/2023 19:32

Beautiful3 · 10/04/2023 19:26

If they said come between 5-6, and you came later. Then I'd expect them to start eating at 6. Sounds like you assumed they'd wait for you. Did they still dish up your dinner?

Seriously, if someone asked you round for the evening, and said to come round between 5 and 6*, you’d expect dinner on the table at 6? That’s insane!

(*Not what happened to the OP, as we know)

MasterBeth · 10/04/2023 19:34

GoodChat · 10/04/2023 19:31

In British English and British culture, “a little” means a few minutes, maybe ten.

In British English and British culture 'around 5-6' means you arrive in that window.

What does “around” mean?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 10/04/2023 19:36

Isn't it funny how frothed up we all get over these trivial threads? 😆

MasterBeth · 10/04/2023 19:36

nomoredriving · 10/04/2023 19:27

@MasterBeth not as rude as ensuring your hosts are not inconvenienced by your lack of manners,

Hosts should not draw attention to what they think of as their guests lack of manners. Incredibly rude.

psychDr · 10/04/2023 19:37

CurlyhairedAssassin · 10/04/2023 19:36

Isn't it funny how frothed up we all get over these trivial threads? 😆

😂

Kennykenkencat · 10/04/2023 19:37

Surely if someone says to come over at somewhere between 5-6 pm then I would think dinner was at 7pm

I would find it very strange to go to someone’s house and be served food immediately. Surely people have a drink and a chat first whilst the meal is finishing.

Even if you book a restaurant it usually takes at least 20 minutes between arriving and starter being served
In this case it sounds like that even arriving on time would have meant that the food had already been served up and being eaten.

ReadersD1gest · 10/04/2023 19:38

MasterBeth · 10/04/2023 19:36

Hosts should not draw attention to what they think of as their guests lack of manners. Incredibly rude.

Show quote history

🤣🤣🤣. You're just trolling now.

nomoredriving · 10/04/2023 19:39

@MasterBeth guests should not be so rude as to ruin the meal prepared for them by the hosts.

Lateness is rude.

OP was late, due to a work issue.