To think it's rude not to wait for guests..?

[easterbunnyz]

My parents invited us for Easter lunch. They didn't really give an exact time said around 5-6. Admittedly we got there just after 6.. they had already started, and almost finished eating.
They do this all the time? I can't imagine inviting them and if they were late just start eating without them.
AIBU to think it's rude not to wait? Or is that me expecting too much?

They could have waited m, but then you could have called and let them know you were running late.

You've answered no questions?

Why didn't you message?

How often does this happen?

Why didn't you mr partner message?

Were other people invited?

Why do you wish you hadn't started the thread, you don't like the responses?

Honestly? MIL moves her meal times for no one. But we all know that. So I wouldn't feel put out. Presumably there was still some food for you? I'd be grateful for cooked meal & company.

Why didn’t your partner message and apologise saying you weren’t back from work yet.

I would have waited until 6 and then started eating as I assume you weren’t coming.

It's rude to turn u late.

I would have eaten too.

The problem is ‘arrive around 5-6’ sounds very relaxed. So you could assume that turning up just after 6 wouldn’t be a problem (especially as it’s your own parents). They didn’t say ‘we are serving dinner between 5/6’?

If I tell people a time to arrive so ‘7.30ish’ I wouldn’t plan on serving the food until an hour after that. People arrive - have a drink/chat etc. Do people really serve food the minute guests arrive?

Anyway, it sounds like a massive breakdown in communication. They should have been more specific- arrive by 5.30 as dinner will be served by 6 for example. Then you would have said you were running late. I’m guessing you thought ‘arrive around 5-6’ meant eating around 6.30.

All of you sound weird, you for not calling your parents and updating them when you'd arrive, and them for not calling you to check when your highnesses would finally arrive.

’controlling and hostile’ FFS get a grip 🙄

Any dinner party-type threads on MN are baffling/hilarious/revealing in equal measure.

There was one a couple of years ago, where someone was annoyed because guests invited for 7 turned up at 7.15 pm. No cries of le quart d'heure de politesse would change their minds (or half the thread tbh) that their guests had been disgustingly rude.

They had said dinner at 7pm, so it was banged on the table at that time. At a dinner party. The late guests (who probably thought they were being perfectly polite) missed the beginning of the meal. They thought dinner party rules applied - being greeted with a drink, maybe canapés, moving to the table at 7.45 ish, that kind of thing.

But this isn't a dinner party. I can see both sides here. I would never turn up terribly late without a phone call, unless everyone was aware of the need to be flexible because of work. But the OP wasn't terribly late, and I would find it slightly odd in those particular circumstances to begin the meal until all the guests were there.

I agree with a pp that it's about the family gathering and sharing the time together, not about that meal being on the table at 6 sharp.

Personally, my pet hate is anyone turning up for dinner early. That would REALLY annoy me

If someone invites you, and says "meal will be around 5 - 6" then you should turn up for 5, in case it is ready then

I would never interpret that message in that way. If I told someone that, I would assume they might turn up any time between 5 and 6 ish, and we would eat after chatting for a short time, maybe having a quick drink or something.

I'd actually be surprised if they turned up at 5 on the dot, 'in case the meal was ready then,' expecting me to slap the meal down on the table at precisely 5 pm

"Offered an hour slot"?

Good grief, it's an invitation to dinner, not an MOT test!

The wording "around 5-6" sounds very odd to me and I don't think I've ever heard anyone say that. Surely it would be "between 5 and 6" or "around 6", the latter meaning dinner would be dished up anywhere from 5:50-6:10pm. It's such an odd phrase, it makes me question what the agreement actually was and if the OP has misremembered.

Regardless, I don't understand how anyone could live to such vague timings so I would have clarified at the time - especially if I knew I was working until 5pm!

Maybe she doesn't want to spend all night in the kitchen, wondering when her guests might mosey along?

The timing of (I assume) a roast isn’t an exact science, so if I was told it’ll be 5-6 I’d be arriving before 5. You’re then present when it’s ready. Expecting others to wait having spent time and effort cooking is unreasonable.

They do this all the time? I can't imagine inviting them and if they were late just start eating without them.

If they do this all the time you’ve obviously got form for being late. Sounds like they’ve got sick of always waiting for you.

if I was told it’ll be 5-6 I’d be arriving before 5

As a host, I'd really dislike that. Guests turning up early is so unwelcome. Trust your host to have organised a menu that doesn't rely on split second timing.

This is insane.

If you knew you were serving at 5.30, why would you say come between 5 and 6?

If I wanted to serve food at 5.30 - I’d tell people to get there about 4.30. Then expect people from 4.45 (but wouldn’t consider that late).

I would hate anyone arriving early.

And why on earth didn’t you tell them you were working til 5 so 5-6pm would be a stretch?

She said she'd give an earlier time if she knew this? It's only insane because you haven't read the post properly.

Why would you spend all night in the kitchen if you asked your guest to come from around 5 to around 6 and they arrived at around ten past 6?

But I’d also never give an hour time slot! As that’s far too vague.

We're going round in circles. Because most people would have arrived by 5
Because the invitation was not "from around 5 to around 6".

I read it. An earlier time than "around 5 to 6"? Or an earlier time than 6? If she's serving at 5.30?

Surely if you're serving at 5.30, you say come around 4 - 5. Or you say "I'm serving at 5.30."

This is based on it being my mother who says dinner is about 16:00 and we go round about 15:15. It actually doesn’t get served until 16:30-17:00. Anyone else I’d stick to the prescribed times.

MIL is always late for meals when we cook and I find it so rude and disrespectful. Tbf this situation is different I usually say come for x then plan for food an hour later- she is often after that anyway which I hate!