Page 8 | Friend cancelled holiday last minute..

Sortyourlifeout · 2023-04-10T10:15:47+00:00

Hi all. I've been let down AGAIN. I genuinely don't know if I am being unreasonable here. Meant to be going to the Lake District with a friend tomorrow, for 2 nights. Apartment booked and paid for; was waiting for friends half of payment. She sent a text yesterday morning saying that she has a family commitment that she can't get out of so she's not coming. She asked for my bank details and has sent money to cover the apartment (including my half). Obviously I'm really very upset. AIBU to go anyway?

LibbyL92 · 10/04/2023 12:56

Go go go!

im expecting a friend to let me down in a few weeks for our 3 night trip to Spain.

im still going to go. Read books, sunbathe and just enjoy some quiet time.

you only live once. X

RedHelenB · 10/04/2023 12:59

Sortyourlifeout · 10/04/2023 11:17

Should I give her half the money back?

Yes, if you go.

Original poster

Sortyourlifeout · 10/04/2023 13:00

Rhondaa · 10/04/2023 12:56

When you said let down again in your op what has she cancelled before?

No. I was refering to another thread I posted a few days ago that I was let down down by a friend regarding lunch invite. However, he did redeem himself and took me for lunch yesterday..

OP posts:

OldFan · 10/04/2023 13:01

Of course you should go @Sortyourlifeout x

Bamboux · 10/04/2023 13:09

RedHelenB · 10/04/2023 12:59

Yes, if you go.

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Absolutely not

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/04/2023 13:10

Snowpaw · 10/04/2023 11:17

Definitely go. Take some good books, order takeout food, pack some face-masks and pampering things. Just have a nice time. Good of her to pay but shitty to cancel at last minute.

This

Enjoy it - yes it's not the same as having good company, but you can spoil yourself for a lovely quiet weekend.

CountZacular · 10/04/2023 13:12

At this stage I wouldn’t give a second thought about the money. Go, have fun and when you get back give your friend a call and gauge then whether you should or shouldn’t return any of the money. I don’t think that’s the priority right now.

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/04/2023 13:12

Sortyourlifeout · 10/04/2023 11:17

Should I give her half the money back?

No.

She has volunteered this money to you. If it was me who had dropped out I would still expect my friend to go if she wanted to and it wouldn't bother me that she enjoyed herself on my dime because it was my choice to change the situation.

Get away and have a rest.

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 10/04/2023 13:18

Poppyblush · 10/04/2023 11:17

just go! You're friend is a silly cow for cancelling now.

That’s ridiculously harsh given you have no idea what issue she is facing that made her cancel.

The fact she paid not only her half but also for her friend shows she recognizes she has cancelled at short notice which isn’t nice for OP and also shows it must be important for her to be willing to throw that money away.

Jumping to she’s a silly cow is childish and immature.

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/04/2023 13:18

Sortyourlifeout · 10/04/2023 12:48

It's come from his account. I only just thought to look at that.

I'm which case, I'm feeling less bad about keeping it.

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Mmmmmm. Curious.

In that case tell her you are still going to go (obviously everything is booked in your name if you have paid up front).

In this situation perhaps offer her "half of her half" and explain it's to cover the petrol which you would both otherwise have shared.

Don't let him steal your holiday..
The bar-steward/

DotAndCarryOne2 · 10/04/2023 13:19

Sortyourlifeout · 10/04/2023 11:21

I suspect the 'emergency' is her DH being a twat cos he doesn't like me.

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In that case definitely don’t refund her. Enjoy the weekend on him !!

mackthepony · 10/04/2023 13:20

Not sure if you went, op??

Best time of year at the moment in the lakes, no crowds.

NemoandDoris · 10/04/2023 13:23

Nope, 100% your friend owes you her share of the accommodation costs (which she has paid) as she made a commitment to the trip and it was her call to pull out.

But do go anyway - appreciate 100% petrol costs are on you (even less reason to give her back her share) & just treat it as a mini break. Take on some of the suggestions and enjoy the change of scenery.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 10/04/2023 13:23

Sortyourlifeout · 10/04/2023 11:17

Should I give her half the money back?

No, go and enjoy some lovely restful time, lie a pp suggested, some nice books, bath stuff, long walks xx

NandJsmum · 10/04/2023 13:24

Over40Overdating · 10/04/2023 12:24

If your friend’s husband dislikes you so much he can convince / force your friend to cancel her place on the trip and pay for it all anyway, that would suggest she’s in a coercive or at the very least unhealthy, domineering relationship.

If it was the friend posting and not you, she’d be shown sympathy and told of course a friend would understand.

Not a shred of concern for your friend’s welfare being shown, only concern about money.

Agree with this - surprised not more posters have picked up on this.

Ktime · 10/04/2023 13:26

NandJsmum · 10/04/2023 13:24

Agree with this - surprised not more posters have picked up on this.

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Maybe because we can see OP is thoughtful and has insight into her friend’s situation but the thread is about the cost of the holiday, not supposition about her friend’s relationship

ALLIS0N · 10/04/2023 13:35

I hope you go on your own and have a great time.

Keep the money your friends husband sent you and put it towards all the costs that you would have expected to share , like petrol . Or activities that you will now do as you are on your own.

If you return the money your friend might even feel more guilty. Especially if she is , as you suspect, in a coercive relationship.

Ignore the posters who say to return the money in the hope that you can make her (possibly ) Abusive partner like you. Thats not how it works. If he is controlling, then it’s not about you personally . It’s about her being outside his control for a few days and paying attention to / being influenced by anyone apart from him.

CrazyHedgehogLover · 10/04/2023 13:38

Just my opinion I would personally pay her back the half for yourself. She’s covered the whole amount? She’s clearly shown here that she doesn’t want to let you down and is doing a nice gesture. If one of my friends offered to pay for the whole apartment and I still had plans to go without her I would say “don’t be silly! Just pay your half due to the late notice as it’s already booked I’ll cover my half, I hope everything is ok! If you need me give me a call❤️”

I know you’ve mentioned petrol but obviously the petrol money isn’t going to cost the whole worth of an entire apartment getaway? Also it’s your choice to still go.

I don’t think it’s fair to say the family commitment “is because he doesn’t like you” it’s best to not assume, things crop up especially family emergencies which can’t be helped!

my opinion I would definitely still go if it’s booked! No questions asked there, I just wouldn’t let her pay for the whole entire apartment as clearly she feels bad for not going and technically she was originally only paying half towards it anyway? So it’s not necessary for her to cover your half if your still going.. her half to be covered absolutely due to the late notice! But not the entire cost.

starryeyedgirl1 · 10/04/2023 13:38

Go op!! You will love it there it's beautiful and don't give her the money back to your friend. She's royally fucked you over, but at least she paid both her and your half.

Codlingmoths · 10/04/2023 13:39

CrazyHedgehogLover · 10/04/2023 13:38

Just my opinion I would personally pay her back the half for yourself. She’s covered the whole amount? She’s clearly shown here that she doesn’t want to let you down and is doing a nice gesture. If one of my friends offered to pay for the whole apartment and I still had plans to go without her I would say “don’t be silly! Just pay your half due to the late notice as it’s already booked I’ll cover my half, I hope everything is ok! If you need me give me a call❤️”

I know you’ve mentioned petrol but obviously the petrol money isn’t going to cost the whole worth of an entire apartment getaway? Also it’s your choice to still go.

I don’t think it’s fair to say the family commitment “is because he doesn’t like you” it’s best to not assume, things crop up especially family emergencies which can’t be helped!

my opinion I would definitely still go if it’s booked! No questions asked there, I just wouldn’t let her pay for the whole entire apartment as clearly she feels bad for not going and technically she was originally only paying half towards it anyway? So it’s not necessary for her to cover your half if your still going.. her half to be covered absolutely due to the late notice! But not the entire cost.

She can’t afford to go if she does, as she will have to cover all the petrol rather than split it. So no, she shouldn’t repay her. The friend has done the right thing and not forcibly canceled the ops holiday too.

readbooksdrinktea · 10/04/2023 13:40

sugarspices · 10/04/2023 11:19

I'd go anyway but give her half back. If you decide not to go, I wouldn't give her any back.

Agree.

Rosula · 10/04/2023 13:42

Why don't you know if you are being unreasonable? How could it possibly be unreasonable for you to go on your own?

DotAndCarryOne2 · 10/04/2023 13:42

NandJsmum · 10/04/2023 13:24

Agree with this - surprised not more posters have picked up on this.

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It’s only speculation based on the info the OP has given, and isn’t the point of the thread, so would be a derailment wouldn’t it ?

Rosula · 10/04/2023 13:44

Sortyourlifeout · 10/04/2023 12:14

We were sharing the petrol, not the driving.

I'm more than capable of a 6 hour drive for 2 nights. It's not that big a deal. It's the money that is the issue.

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Why is money an issue if she's paid your half of the costs?

Bamboux · 10/04/2023 13:51

CrazyHedgehogLover · 10/04/2023 13:38

Just my opinion I would personally pay her back the half for yourself. She’s covered the whole amount? She’s clearly shown here that she doesn’t want to let you down and is doing a nice gesture. If one of my friends offered to pay for the whole apartment and I still had plans to go without her I would say “don’t be silly! Just pay your half due to the late notice as it’s already booked I’ll cover my half, I hope everything is ok! If you need me give me a call❤️”

I know you’ve mentioned petrol but obviously the petrol money isn’t going to cost the whole worth of an entire apartment getaway? Also it’s your choice to still go.

I don’t think it’s fair to say the family commitment “is because he doesn’t like you” it’s best to not assume, things crop up especially family emergencies which can’t be helped!

my opinion I would definitely still go if it’s booked! No questions asked there, I just wouldn’t let her pay for the whole entire apartment as clearly she feels bad for not going and technically she was originally only paying half towards it anyway? So it’s not necessary for her to cover your half if your still going.. her half to be covered absolutely due to the late notice! But not the entire cost.

Call it a wanker tax.