Friend cancelled holiday last minute..

[Sortyourlifeout]

Hi all.

I've been let down AGAIN. I genuinely don't know if I am being unreasonable here.

Meant to be going to the Lake District with a friend tomorrow, for 2 nights. Apartment booked and paid for; was waiting for friends half of payment.

She sent a text yesterday morning saying that she has a family commitment that she can't get out of so she's not coming. She asked for my bank details and has sent money to cover the apartment (including my half). Obviously I'm really very upset.

AIBU to go anyway?

I would definitely go. Don’t give her the money back and don’t blame yourself. I struggle to make and keep plans for a range of personal reasons. Nothing to do with anyone else

We were sharing the petrol, not the driving.

I'm more than capable of a 6 hour drive for 2 nights. It's not that big a deal. It's the money that is the issue.

Why should OP give half back? She still has to pay petrol for 12 hours of driving?

I also live in the Lakes and am happy to suggest places to go. Id also like to reassure you that it is VERY normal to see single female walkers here, and if you go to a pub or restaurant solo, you won’t be the only person alone.

As you’re staying near Penrith and enjoy long walks, I’d suggest doing half of the Ullswater Way (https://www.lakedistrict.gov.uk/visiting/places-to-go/explore-ullswater-glenridding-and-pooley-bridge/ullswater-way) It’s waymarked so minimal navigation needed.

Drive to Pooley Bridge. Get the boat or bus to Glenridding, then walk back. I’d recommend the patterdale / Howtown side is marginally prettier than the Watermillock side.

no. why would you. go and enjoy the weekend.

This is fabulous. Thank you SO much!

Poor woman.

At least she paid her half.

Go and have a lovely relaxing time.

Why should OP give half back? She still has to pay petrol for 12 hours of driving?

Well OK then - give half back, less petrol money ... although just personally, I would find that a touch petty!

I'm not sure how you can think it's pretty!

The petrol is going to cost alot of money. I can assure you that there would be no change left if I took it out of the accomodation cost!

I cannot afford to pay that kind of money.

I'd go take books/ wine and have a relaxing time. If you do go I'd give her back the cost of your share of the apartment as that's your share of the cost. If you don't go I'd keep all the money

If you go OP, I'd give her her half of the cost back, minus half the petrol costs as that's fair.
It's a shame she cancelled, but at least she didn't leave you out of pocket.

I'm not a confident walker or navigator, but if you get to Pooley Bridge - it's a 10 minute drive from Penrith and there are big parking fields for £4 a day - then there is something called the Marmalade loop that is very well sign posted, around 2-3 hrs circular with no particularly tricky bits.

I love Pooley Bridge, I also have a really soft spot for Penrith. I don't know what vintage you are, but there's a shop that I really like for dresses called Adlib. The staff in The George Hotel are very friendly if you wanted to have a meal there.

MayThe4th
Am a bit surprised at the posters saying you shouldn’t give half the money back. If you’re going then absolutely you give half the money back. You’re not out of pocket, you’re going on the holiday that you’ve paid for.

Except OP isn’t going on the holiday she paid for. She paid to go on holiday with a friend, not on her own. It’s now too late for her to get someone else to go with her. Some people love going on holiday on their own. They generally book to go on their own. Many people much prefer sharing the holiday experience. By going on her own now, OP is just making the best of a bad situation.

If your friend’s husband dislikes you so much he can convince / force your friend to cancel her place on the trip and pay for it all anyway, that would suggest she’s in a coercive or at the very least unhealthy, domineering relationship.

If it was the friend posting and not you, she’d be shown sympathy and told of course a friend would understand.

Not a shred of concern for your friend’s welfare being shown, only concern about money.

I would assume that her husband is potentially abusive and back off, but not cut her off. I would keep what would have reasonably been half the cost of your hol and send the rest back. I wouldn't contact her again but wait and see.

Surely if you tried to cancel so late you'd lose some (if not all) of the money anyway?? Your friend is offering you 'guilt' money, you'd ease her conscience by accepting it, so just do that, but I'd not be booking anything else with her.

The journey is a bummer but it'll be worth it once you're there

Sorry I have just read that half the petrol costs as much as half the accommodation.
In that case I'd message her something like " I'm really disappointed that you can't make it, please let me know if everything is ok. Thanks for paying for the accommodation -
I am planning to go by myself and as we were going to split the petrol costs, this will cover me going alone.I wish I could pay your half back, but I hadn't budgeted on a solo drive."

Maybe too long winded, but if it were me, I'd like to explain why I wasn't giving her money back for the accommodation.

No, do go anyway!

As to whether you are right to be upset with your friend, it really depends on the type of family commitment. A medical/ childcare/ elderly-parent-care emergency would be a good reason for cancelling. A 'better offer', or a party which she knew about way in advance but had forgotten, would not be. At least she's paid you, so she's not a total CF.

Still go op and just have a wander about relax and have some time to yourself. As far as giving the money back it would depend on what the family commitment is? Surely she mentioned it if you're good enough friends to go away together?

Accept the extra money as a contribution towards the costs you would otherwise have shared and maybe even a gesture of apology.

Enjoy!

I’d go. Given the petrol factor I wouldnt pay her back either.

Tbh I would keep the money and go anyway if the difference between her half and the petrol costs were negligible, I'd only return some money if there was a massive difference between your additional costs as a solo holiday maker and the full cost.

So if, for example, the total cost was £2000, she sent you the full amount, petrol costs were £200 and you spent an extra £100 on incidentals (eg buying more in the supermarket so you didn't have to eat out alone for every meal, paying for a taxi to/from the accommodation one night so you can go to a nice restaurant and have a drink which would otherwise have been a shared cost, entrance fees for museums you might not have gone to but the weather was too miserable to enjoy walking alone and you didn't want to sit in the accommodation all day) then I'd take that money out of her share and give her back £700.

If, however the total cost was £700, she sent you the full amount, petrol costs were £200 and incidentals were £100 then I'd keep the extra £50 from her share and treat myself to something nice rather than transferring it back as I think sending that amount back would look petty or like a passive aggressive move, even if not intended to be one.

DEFINITELY NOT.
What a cheeky flaky shit.

Just what I was thinking. I would be more concerned about my friend than anything else.

Why wouldn't you go? Sounds ideal! Free trip!

She knows I'm concerned about her.

I don't need to get into any of that on here.