Friend cancelled holiday last minute..

[Sortyourlifeout]

Hi all.

I've been let down AGAIN. I genuinely don't know if I am being unreasonable here.

Meant to be going to the Lake District with a friend tomorrow, for 2 nights. Apartment booked and paid for; was waiting for friends half of payment.

She sent a text yesterday morning saying that she has a family commitment that she can't get out of so she's not coming. She asked for my bank details and has sent money to cover the apartment (including my half). Obviously I'm really very upset.

AIBU to go anyway?

Why wouldn’t you go?! Have a good time!

Go anyway, even on your own.

Or you could call other friends to see if they're free at the last minute.

bloody hell she cancelled at the last minute, felt bad and paid for the lot. Under the circumstances it was the nicest thing to do.

op should go and enjoy the free solo holiday.

♥️

Ah I change my stance knowing how far you are travelling. Offer her your half back less half her share in petrol!

I’d not bother personally (12 hours of driving to be at the Lake District isn’t my idea of fun, I’m not into hiking or hill walking etc, I’ve been before with a big group and it’s pretty but not my idea of a holiday) but if you do go, let her know. If you could afford to absorb the fuel costs yourself I’d be tempted to transfer her back her half, she might need it - it might have come out of some secret money she had squirrelled away if she plans to leave him further down the line. Of course it might not but if I had the money to spare that’s what I’d do.
is it the same friend who’s let you down before?

I have a friend who regularly cancels things but I’d very generous on the times she does show up because he helps sooth her guilt over the times she cancels.

I would just message her and say you’ll still go and it won’t be the same without her and leave it at that.

I might send her your half of the money back less petrol and say that you need the petrol contribution depending on the friend. As I say if she were like my friend then I wouldn’t as it makes her feel better about cancelling, but you’ll know her better to make the judgment.

Yes, if it's that sort of distance it is reasonable to look at how much more it is costing you. Are you genuinely worried about the real reasons for her not going

Thanks for the suggestions!

I am able to walk for miles but I'm slow and certainly not confident enough in my nav skills to take much on without my walking group.

But I wouldn't have been going to the lake district which is 6 hour drive from me. Plus all the driving when we get there.

Was it you who was let down on a ski trip? And if so, is it the same friend?

In her defence, she paid for the whole cost.

I'd go on my own in your shoes.

I'm thinking of it this way - the friend presumably paid all the money because it's not fair you lose out on money and the holiday, when it's solely her cancelling it.

But if you go, I think you should give half back, (or maybe half back after petrol costs), because you're using the holiday.

I think not giving half or not offering half but going may be a death-blow to the friendship. I mean, it might already be dead as far as OP is concerned, but if she wants to salvage it, I would at least offer.

@KettrickenSmiled because she's still having the holiday, using the accommodation, enjoying the location etc. If she doesn't go, fair enough keep all the money then.

I certainly wouldn't have booked a 12 hour round-trip on my because I can't afford that in petrol for a start! I'm now either lumbered with it or I don't go.

In those circumstances I wouldn't go on the trip. Keep the money and put it towards something nice for you closer to home? See if you can book into a spa or something instead?

No, that wasn't me.

OP has said she wouldn’t have booked the holiday to go on her use of the cost of 12 hours of petrol.

Why should OP give half back?

Go of course! And if this is regular behaviour, then should you want to go on holiday with her again, get her to book and pay for it, and you send her your share of the money.

Go! Use the extra she paid for her "half" of the petrol cost then when you get back, send her the difference.

Can't you invite another friend as it is all paid for?

@Sortyourlifeout

Well yes, giving her half the money back only makes sense if you're still going to go on your own. If the fact she's backed out means that you don't want to go at all, then it does make sense to keep all the money - but I think it would be a shame if you didn't go; you could still have a lovely time on your own.

I'd never book a 12hr round trip for 2 nights with someone who has form for cancelling going by the 'AGAIN' in the op.

I'd put it down to experience, cancel as costs are covered then next time (if there is a next time) book something nearby, an hours drive maximum if ifs only for a 2 night stay.

I’d still go and wouldn’t offer half the money back and to be honest this would be the end of the friendship for me. Not because people can’t cancel things if a genuine emergency comes up but the vagueness tells me it’s not a genuine emergency. If I had to cancel a trip away like this for a genuine reason I would call not text for a start, and explain exactly what had come up that meant I couldn’t go.

A text saying something vague about ‘commitments’ is an excuse and not a real reason. So I wouldn’t bother with this friend again.

6 hours driving each way, does that include extra allowance for easter holiday traffic!? And just for 2 nights? Maybe she realised she'd be spending more time in the car than at the destination.

This.

That's a huge amount of driving if you thought you were sharing it.