To tell DP I'm disappointed with my birthday

[Daisypowers]

I've been with DP for a few years. We live together. For my birthday this year he made no effort. He took me to the cinema, mainly because there was something he wanted to do nearby. He also bought me a Nando's.

For his birthday a few months ago I made him a cake and did lots of nice things on the day, including taking him for dinner. As his gift I bought him £200 worth of lessons for something, which is what he wanted. How do I raise this without seeming ungrateful?

No. Having a thoughtful, generous DP is.

I’m sure you posted about this before, at the time. What advice did you get then? If it’s still bothering you now doesn’t that in and of itself tell you something?

You don't need to spend hundreds of pounds to be thoughtful and generous.

Showering someone with gifts doesn't make you a good partner.

If you had a thoughtful, generous dp he wouldn't have had "no idea" (your words) that you wanted holidays, jewellery and silly presents until you told him.

Just to be clear, I told him in the run up to my first birthday in the relationship. He had known me only a few months. I cut him some slack for not knowing my favourite jewellery designers and holiday destinations by then. :)

well tell him then. Don’t understand adults wanting big birthday fuss. We just discuss in advance what, if anything; to do for our birthday - don’t make it a surprise

So a few months into your relationship you told him you needed to be celebrated with holidays (to tacky destinations, but you do you), more than one piece of jewellery and a "silly" present (Christ knows what comes under this heading).
Where in this is he demonstrating his thoughtfulness? You've hardly allowed him space to think for himself.

You need to nip this in the bud now. If you let him get away with such a shit birthday now, he'll do the same or less moving forwards.

I think you're a bit unreasonable. Maybe he's just not that worried about birthdays etc. I make clear what I'd like to DP - ok maybe that's not "romantic" but he isn't a mind reader. I wouldn't criticise him for this birthday or say you're disappointed, but for next time I'd be saying "I've love to go to [this hotel] for 2 nights with you" or whatever! It takes the pressure off and you get to do exactly what you want!

@Usernameisunavailable really?! That's what all my child/young teenager nephew and neices describe as their ideal birthday. Definitely not a 20 plus grown up.

I wasn't talking about the OP, I was talking about the poster who is insanely materialistic.

I've been with DH 15 years now. He cares, but he's not a planner. I tell him what I want to do and what I want for my birthday, Christmas, Mothers Day etc. I ask him what he wants for his. If I don't tell him, he doesn't know. Works for us. More people should try it tbh.

This place is such a shitty, spiteful slag heap now.

Nearly everyone is a cunt to the OP and a cunt to each other.

I know this is AIBU but honestly, if you want actual help, go literally anywhere else. If you’re a masochist and want to get laid into for everything about yourself, come here and start a thread.

• Pregnant and your partner has turned abusive and fucked off with a 22-year-old? Your fault. You clearly knew what he was like.

• Feeling overwhelmed after a traumatic birth, got early PND and can’t cope with your MIL grabbing your baby and refusing to leave? Get over yourself. You clearly hate your MIL and your husband is as much of a parent as you. I bet you wouldn’t be upset if it was your own mother.

• Can’t cope with your abusive thief of an adult stepdaughter any longer? How dare you, you evil bitch. Your stepdaughter will always be more important than you. Where’s your compassion for her? So what if she stole money out of your purse, keyed your car and pissed on your bed when drunk? You should probably leave her father so he can find someone who actually loves his kids rather than despises them.

This thread is hilarious. Op goes over the top on her partner's birthday (which he presumably did not ask for) yet her partner is selfish/unkind/thoughtless for not doing the same for hers.
Maybe he thinks that a grown-up would be happy with what he did, and judging from the responses, there are plenty who would be. I would.
But then I have no desire to bore everyone with how 'completely spoiled' I was on my birthday as I am an adult not a child

Cinema and Nando’s is fine if he gets and would be happy with a similar value and level of effort for his birthday. Just stop going to the trouble and expense for him when he can’t be arsed to reciprocate.

But it's not necessarily a case of 'can' t be arsed'. Why does the OP's extravagant gifts somehow set the bar for how birthdays should be celebrated?

Same here.

Last year he took me on a weekend trip to Bath. So I felt the need to reciprocate a bit with the lessons I bought him. I don't expect that every year, but something I'd asked for would have been nice. I only asked for a couple of books, and a phone holder for my bike.

We each earn a similar salary and financially OK.

@Fantasmagoricalan yet here you are spouting shite too!!

Good one.

I think the issue is your different approaches to birthdays. DH and I are low key about birthdays, and that's fine because it's the same for both of us. I never know what to get DH, so quite often he gets it himself - last birthday he wanted a pair of binoculars and I coukdnt choose them for him because its quite an individual preference.

We never take days off work for our birthdays. However, if DH expected me to take the say off, take him out etc on his birthday, then didn't do the same for me, I'd be pissed off.

Did you make a huge fuss of your DP on his birthday because he expected it, or because you wanted to? There is a difference!

I don't know what to vote to be honest. Depends on the occasion of the birthday and expectations. My fella (9 years) does little things for me all the time. He doesn't really do cards, birthday, christmas or anything. At Christmas he tells me not to buy too much but I spoil him regardless. He cooks, he does the cleaning and the washing. He makes all the drinks, sandwiches, snacks etc. He doesn't like eating out. He spoils me in other ways *picks flowers randomly, buys me chocolate randomly. Hence I spoil him when I can on special occasions !!!!

The little things my fella does are far more important. If I say anytime I need some new shoes he will plan a day out and take me for shoes and buy me clothes to go too (like a whole outfit/+ McDonalds/fish and chips/pub/play pool) These things are far more important to me ,,, he sure cares.

Cinema and Nandos. Are you 16?

My husband is an amazing guy but he will just ask what I want to do, he wouldn’t just organise anything because he’d want to make sure I liked what I was doing. I would make a cake, put up banners, that’s just me, I wouldn’t expect him to. But I don’t need those things I know he loves me and puts thought into other things in our lives and just being with him on my birthday is better than any grand gesture.