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Original poster

To tell DP I'm disappointed with my birthday

151 replies

Daisypowers · 10/04/2023 10:15

I've been with DP for a few years. We live together. For my birthday this year he made no effort. He took me to the cinema, mainly because there was something he wanted to do nearby. He also bought me a Nando's.

For his birthday a few months ago I made him a cake and did lots of nice things on the day, including taking him for dinner. As his gift I bought him £200 worth of lessons for something, which is what he wanted. How do I raise this without seeming ungrateful?

OP posts:
ReadersD1gest · 10/04/2023 13:15

breakingintopieces · 10/04/2023 12:49

'I realised we marked each other's birthdays differently this year, and I wondered if that means we prefer to celebrate in different ways. I'm from a family that makes a really big deal out of birthdays, so I like loads of fuss on my birthday, and it didn't occur to me that you might prefer me to rein things in for yours. Would you prefer it if we did something simpler for your birthday next year, like catching a movie together and going out for a meal, just the two of us? I would prefer something much grander for my own birthday, like a surprise party with loads of our friends, but that doesn't mean we have to celebrate each other's birthdays in the same way.'

God almighty 🤣🤣🤣

Luckyduc · 10/04/2023 13:17

Leave now....these type of characters never have good endings. They will get worse after marriage and years down the line. Instead of constantly trying to change it, just meet someone who has your sake standards.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 10/04/2023 13:19

Fantasmagoricalan · 10/04/2023 13:11

So she should be happy with giving her selfish partner lovely presents and a fuss, and getting fuck all effort made for her in return? Are you serious?

Any minute now we’ll get the ‘what did you expect, men are not naturally very good at birthdays, present buying and thin loo big about anyone else. Lower your expectations, it really is on you, to be honest…’

Show quote history

Not everyone is fussed about birthdays, and not everyone shows their love/affection by showering their partner in gifts.

Just because OP chose to spend £200 on him, doesn't mean he has to do the same for her.

ReadersD1gest · 10/04/2023 13:20

Luckyduc · 10/04/2023 13:17

Leave now....these type of characters never have good endings. They will get worse after marriage and years down the line. Instead of constantly trying to change it, just meet someone who has your sake standards.

Did you really just advise op to leave her partner because she only got a trip to the cinema and a Nando's for her birthday? 😂
I don't know what sake standards are, but they sound a bit suspect.

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/04/2023 13:21

Slimjimtobe · 10/04/2023 10:21

I wouldn’t make a big deal of it but I would just do the cinema for his next year.

This.

StrawberryWater · 10/04/2023 13:21

Just don’t put effort in going forward. I’ve cancelled my husbands birthday party because I’ve just had my 40th and he did nothing for it, not even a present.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 10/04/2023 13:25

Usernameisunavailable · 10/04/2023 10:20

Cinema and Nando’s seems ok for an adults non ‘special’ birthday to be honest. Just don’t bother making a big fuss of him next year.

I agree, sounds like a nice day out and why the need to spend huge amounts on an birthday? Sure.y time spent with someone whose company you enjoy is the more important thing?

cosmiccosmos · 10/04/2023 13:26

He clearly doesn't value a fuss of birthday's so next year get a card and small gift for him and go to a spa for yours. Easy.

Yabadabadoooooooooooooo · 10/04/2023 13:30

I'd like to go to the cinema and have a nandos on my birthday. I don't see the problem. If it isn't your idea of a good time you should be clear what you want to do on your birthday next year.

BurntOutGirl · 10/04/2023 13:38

Daisypowers · 10/04/2023 10:15

I've been with DP for a few years. We live together. For my birthday this year he made no effort. He took me to the cinema, mainly because there was something he wanted to do nearby. He also bought me a Nando's.

For his birthday a few months ago I made him a cake and did lots of nice things on the day, including taking him for dinner. As his gift I bought him £200 worth of lessons for something, which is what he wanted. How do I raise this without seeming ungrateful?

Have you posted about this before as seems familiar

SpecialLike · 10/04/2023 13:41

Sounds like a half decent effort, fair play to him for a movie and dinner. If your easily disappointed, you may wish to just tell him exactly what you expect in the future.

slightlysnippy · 10/04/2023 13:44

Why didn't you just say I don't fancy doing that for my birthday, why don't we do x to celebrate my birthday. Hmm

Usernamen · 10/04/2023 13:50

Usernameisunavailable · 10/04/2023 10:20

Cinema and Nando’s seems ok for an adults non ‘special’ birthday to be honest. Just don’t bother making a big fuss of him next year.

We’re going to Mykonos for my ‘non special’ birthday this year. And DP usually buys me one or two pieces of jewellery and a silly present.

Expect more from a relationship and you get it. 🤷‍♀️

StopGrowingPlease · 10/04/2023 13:53

Everyone sees birthdays differently 🤷‍♀️ Dp worked on his and wasn’t bothered about it. We had a takeaway that night and went for a family meal out the night after when he wasn’t working. For my birthday we went on a family day out to a big play place and went to a buffet. I go overboard with buying gifts whereas he doesn’t enjoy buying gifts but does his best to surprise me with a gift or two that have had thought put into them and he’ll then usually get me a few more things that I have chosen/asked for. I do ask him what he wants as well and usually get him a ‘big’ thing that he really wants and then surprise him with lots of other little things on the day 😊 It’s the same for Christmas too and I plan the activities and I’m currently planning our toddlers upcoming birthday party and presents (if something is expensive or big he will obviously get a say) but it’s generally easier for me to just do the planning 🤷‍♀️😂

ReadersD1gest · 10/04/2023 13:54

Usernamen · 10/04/2023 13:50

We’re going to Mykonos for my ‘non special’ birthday this year. And DP usually buys me one or two pieces of jewellery and a silly present.

Expect more from a relationship and you get it. 🤷‍♀️

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Maybe everyone else isn't as materialistic as you? And their relationships aren't based on how many shiny things they can accumulate 🤷🏻‍♀️
Yours sounds a little shallow. And no, I'm not jealous 😂

AIIDayLong · 10/04/2023 13:57

Usernamen · 10/04/2023 13:50

We’re going to Mykonos for my ‘non special’ birthday this year. And DP usually buys me one or two pieces of jewellery and a silly present.

Expect more from a relationship and you get it. 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Maybe other people realise there's more to life than the things you can put a price tag on 🤯

TrewleyTired · 10/04/2023 13:58

Usernamen · 10/04/2023 13:50

We’re going to Mykonos for my ‘non special’ birthday this year. And DP usually buys me one or two pieces of jewellery and a silly present.

Expect more from a relationship and you get it. 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

😂

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 10/04/2023 13:59

Usernamen · 10/04/2023 13:50

We’re going to Mykonos for my ‘non special’ birthday this year. And DP usually buys me one or two pieces of jewellery and a silly present.

Expect more from a relationship and you get it. 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Expect more what? Cash?

Sisisimone · 10/04/2023 14:00

Maybe other people realise there's more to life than the things you can put a price tag on 🤯
But the OP hadn't got that either has she. A selfish DH who took her somewhere because its where he needed to go with no thought given to what the OP might like

Usernamen · 10/04/2023 14:00

ReadersD1gest · 10/04/2023 13:54

Maybe everyone else isn't as materialistic as you? And their relationships aren't based on how many shiny things they can accumulate 🤷🏻‍♀️
Yours sounds a little shallow. And no, I'm not jealous 😂

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OP wants more effort to be made. You have to communicate this in a relationship and set the bar high, as PP put it. A man doesn’t know what you’re thinking.

DP would never have guessed I would like to be taken away and some nice jewellery (yes I’m shallow blah blah blah) if I hadn’t told him.

All the people saying OP should just make less of an effort on his birthday are missing the point. She wants effort to be made on her birthday. She needs to TELL him cinema and Nando’s is not acceptable to her.

TrewleyTired · 10/04/2023 14:04

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 10/04/2023 13:59

Expect more what? Cash?

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Mykonos is now run down, touristy with rip off merchants, foul food and over priced. But the weather is nice. That’s what she can expect.

TheShellBeach · 10/04/2023 14:04

Softoprider · 10/04/2023 11:23

Is this mumsnet or childsnet

It's always a race to the bottom on here.

80sMum · 10/04/2023 14:10

I think if you want to be made a fuss of on your birthday, then you need to spell it out very clearly to your partner. Tell him exactly what you'd like him to do and what you would like your birthdays to be like from now on. Communication is key. Don't expect him to be able to read your mind.

Usernamen · 10/04/2023 14:15

80sMum · 10/04/2023 14:10

I think if you want to be made a fuss of on your birthday, then you need to spell it out very clearly to your partner. Tell him exactly what you'd like him to do and what you would like your birthdays to be like from now on. Communication is key. Don't expect him to be able to read your mind.

100% this.

But having standards in a relationship is a MN taboo, it seems… 😶

ReadersD1gest · 10/04/2023 14:17

Usernamen · 10/04/2023 14:15

100% this.

But having standards in a relationship is a MN taboo, it seems… 😶

Show quote history

Standards? Is demanding holidays and flashy jewellery for your birthday your idea of standards? We're all different, I suppose.