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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Easter stuff - would I be right to complain?

110 replies

suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 21:57

At work we do a Secret Santa every year for Christmas. It has been going on for years now and has always been nice. Someone suggested doing it for Easter too about three years ago and we have been doing it ever since and never encountered any issues.

The way it works is that we pull names and every person gets a small Easter gift for another person who works there. In the end we find out who gave us the gift as the name is on the Easter card. Gifts can be decorations, a book, chocolate - whatever. The limit is 10 pounds, it's just for fun really, nothing else, and we enjoy it. Everyone at our work place is earning a good salary.

I opened my gift and I was a bit disappointed. It's from our new colleague who always seems nice. Not because of the things that had been chosen, but because of the quality. I received a bunny decoration, a chapstick and some chocolate. I would have been totally happy and pleased with that.

But the chapstick has clearly been opened before. There is a bit of dirt on it and the packaging wasn't closed properly. The Easter decoration is smelly and the outsides of the fabric are brown and yellow. The chocolate seems fine but I'm scared to eat it with the other stuff being so nasty I am sort of wondering what might have happened to it.

Should I say something? To the person who organised it or to the person who gave me the gift? I would say the latter but then again the person who organised it said we should come to him if we face any issues but that seems kind of wrong to me.

I know it isn't really an issue but a minor thing I just feel sad because we usually make an effort to show each other we care. I would have been fine with chocolate for 1 pound, really, but giving smelly, used stuff sort of feels mean. She knows the rules of the game and joining isn't an obligation. You also don't have to opt out or anything. The way it works is that they put a bowl there and if you want to participate you put your name in it and otherwise you don't.

You are being reasonable - you should bring it up
You are being unreasonable - just forget about it

OP posts:
Original poster
suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 21:59

Sorry I meant:

You are being unreasonable - you should NOT bring it up
You are NOT being unreasonable - talk to her or someone

OP posts:
ElleMD80 · 09/04/2023 22:03

You are not unreasonable to be disappointed, however it is tricky. There was a time when I kept up appearances by the skin of my teeth and £10 on a gift-thing was huge. So I’d chalk it up to better luck next time, avoid the chocolate and move on.

jannier · 09/04/2023 22:03

You don't know the financial situation of the individual things maybe really tight even if their pay is it reasonable. I'd give the benefit of the doubt

Wherewithout · 09/04/2023 22:05

I think that’s part of the risk you take in participating in these sort of things unfortunately!

Original poster
suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 22:06

jannier · 09/04/2023 22:03

You don't know the financial situation of the individual things maybe really tight even if their pay is it reasonable. I'd give the benefit of the doubt

True, but it wasn't obligatory. The way it works is that they simply put a bowl there and who wants to join puts their name in. Several other people didn't join and no one said anything. It's not like there is peer pressure, no one is being asked to join and it isn't commented on.

OP posts:
Singularity82 · 09/04/2023 22:06

jannier · 09/04/2023 22:03

You don't know the financial situation of the individual things maybe really tight even if their pay is it reasonable. I'd give the benefit of the doubt

But participating was entirely optional? Have you read the op??
OP YANBU At all. Bloody tight sod.

WhyCantYourPartnerDoIt · 09/04/2023 22:07

What would you want to happen?

WarmWinterSun · 09/04/2023 22:07

I think YABU. It is jusf a fun an inexpensive contribution for Easter. The quality doesn’t matter.

Singularity82 · 09/04/2023 22:08

WarmWinterSun · 09/04/2023 22:07

I think YABU. It is jusf a fun an inexpensive contribution for Easter. The quality doesn’t matter.

It matters if it’s second hand shit from someone’s handbag that will go straight in the bin!! Used lip balm? Really?!! 🫤

Stripycatz · 09/04/2023 22:10

That's crap, but you can't say anything. You know what to to do if you ever get pull her name in the future though 😂

thegrain · 09/04/2023 22:11

Unfortunately there is often always one. I got a ridiculously cheap and nasty looking secret santa present. It was so awkward having to be like "thank you" I was fighting back tears almost that someone had thought that little of me. But then at the end of the day it was just a £10 lottery really as to what you get.

thegrain · 09/04/2023 22:12

They were definitely unreasonable not to have spent at least £8 on something new

User478 · 09/04/2023 22:12

"Thanks so much for the chocolate and the decoration Sandra, you must have been away with the fairies when you wrapped it though as your lipbalm got mixed in with it too! Here you go"

If she claims it was part of the gift you can say "no, don't be silly it was open!"

Next year spend £10 on yourself and don't bother.

Original poster
suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 22:13

The quality is so bad that I won't be able to keep it. I tried cleaning the bunny decoration but it it is not possible. It is made from fabric and white and the outsides are brown and yellow from dirt. It smells of smoke and sort of musty, so I am worried as I am pregnant and have a small kid.

I wouldn't have minded something from poundland. I got some cute things there myself not too long ago. It is not about the price.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 09/04/2023 22:15

If it was entirely voluntary and they opted in, work on the basis that it’s unlikely they did so because they genuinely wanted to be hurtful or give a crap gift on purpose. They either a) gave you a gift they thought was suitable so that, even if you think it’s crap, just assume their best intentions, b) they didn’t have the money to get you a new gift; c) they forgot and had to make the best of what they could find to re-gift.

VestaTilley · 09/04/2023 22:16

YABU, just bin it.

And who does gifts for colleagues at Easter?!

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 09/04/2023 22:16

jannier · 09/04/2023 22:03

You don't know the financial situation of the individual things maybe really tight even if their pay is it reasonable. I'd give the benefit of the doubt

But they don't have to join in at all so that's a lame excuse imo

UndertheCedartree · 09/04/2023 22:17

I think as you say it is just a bit of fun, I really wouldn't say anything. Just keep it as your story of 'the worst Easter gift I ever got!'

cocksstrideintheevening · 09/04/2023 22:17

YABU. Easter gifts for adults aside, colleague is new maybe she is skint and didn't get the nuance it's optional and wanted to fit in.

Angeldelight50 · 09/04/2023 22:17

suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 22:13

The quality is so bad that I won't be able to keep it. I tried cleaning the bunny decoration but it it is not possible. It is made from fabric and white and the outsides are brown and yellow from dirt. It smells of smoke and sort of musty, so I am worried as I am pregnant and have a small kid.

I wouldn't have minded something from poundland. I got some cute things there myself not too long ago. It is not about the price.

Why are you worried about the bunny decoration? Just get rid if you’re that concerned.

thegrain · 09/04/2023 22:17

suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 22:13

The quality is so bad that I won't be able to keep it. I tried cleaning the bunny decoration but it it is not possible. It is made from fabric and white and the outsides are brown and yellow from dirt. It smells of smoke and sort of musty, so I am worried as I am pregnant and have a small kid.

I wouldn't have minded something from poundland. I got some cute things there myself not too long ago. It is not about the price.

Yup it's shit of her. Not much you can do really though. Just hope you don't get her for Christmas too.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 09/04/2023 22:18

WarmWinterSun · 09/04/2023 22:07

I think YABU. It is jusf a fun an inexpensive contribution for Easter. The quality doesn’t matter.

It was used!

Original poster
suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 22:20

ComtesseDeSpair · 09/04/2023 22:15

If it was entirely voluntary and they opted in, work on the basis that it’s unlikely they did so because they genuinely wanted to be hurtful or give a crap gift on purpose. They either a) gave you a gift they thought was suitable so that, even if you think it’s crap, just assume their best intentions, b) they didn’t have the money to get you a new gift; c) they forgot and had to make the best of what they could find to re-gift.

c) is a good point, I hadn't thought of that. She went on a holiday to Europe this weekend and mentioned how stressful packing was. Names were pulled two weeks ago but I guess could have forgotten or was simply short on time and picked something she had in her home?

OP posts:
Nailsandthesea · 09/04/2023 22:25

I would honestly bin it and not say a word - someone once gave me a huge pair of lace knickers for a secret Santa at work and given I had just had a miscarriage - I didn’t see the joke when I had brought someone an Emma bridgewater mug. We had to write ideas for someone and I asked for a nice essential oil or a nice bar of chocolate. A big pair of size 18 lace pants when I was an 8 wasn’t funny. The woman who got them for me then joked that ‘they came brand new from a car boot’

vile

thegrain · 09/04/2023 22:27

Nailsandthesea · 09/04/2023 22:25

I would honestly bin it and not say a word - someone once gave me a huge pair of lace knickers for a secret Santa at work and given I had just had a miscarriage - I didn’t see the joke when I had brought someone an Emma bridgewater mug. We had to write ideas for someone and I asked for a nice essential oil or a nice bar of chocolate. A big pair of size 18 lace pants when I was an 8 wasn’t funny. The woman who got them for me then joked that ‘they came brand new from a car boot’

vile

Oh now that I would be taking to my manager