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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Easter stuff - would I be right to complain?

110 replies

suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 21:57

At work we do a Secret Santa every year for Christmas. It has been going on for years now and has always been nice. Someone suggested doing it for Easter too about three years ago and we have been doing it ever since and never encountered any issues.

The way it works is that we pull names and every person gets a small Easter gift for another person who works there. In the end we find out who gave us the gift as the name is on the Easter card. Gifts can be decorations, a book, chocolate - whatever. The limit is 10 pounds, it's just for fun really, nothing else, and we enjoy it. Everyone at our work place is earning a good salary.

I opened my gift and I was a bit disappointed. It's from our new colleague who always seems nice. Not because of the things that had been chosen, but because of the quality. I received a bunny decoration, a chapstick and some chocolate. I would have been totally happy and pleased with that.

But the chapstick has clearly been opened before. There is a bit of dirt on it and the packaging wasn't closed properly. The Easter decoration is smelly and the outsides of the fabric are brown and yellow. The chocolate seems fine but I'm scared to eat it with the other stuff being so nasty I am sort of wondering what might have happened to it.

Should I say something? To the person who organised it or to the person who gave me the gift? I would say the latter but then again the person who organised it said we should come to him if we face any issues but that seems kind of wrong to me.

I know it isn't really an issue but a minor thing I just feel sad because we usually make an effort to show each other we care. I would have been fine with chocolate for 1 pound, really, but giving smelly, used stuff sort of feels mean. She knows the rules of the game and joining isn't an obligation. You also don't have to opt out or anything. The way it works is that they put a bowl there and if you want to participate you put your name in it and otherwise you don't.

You are being reasonable - you should bring it up
You are being unreasonable - just forget about it

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 09/04/2023 23:10

Just to lighten the mood I had a group of friends that used to have a Halloween bonfire and drinks. One year we did a Secret Satan and you had to find the most tacky or ridiculous present for under a tenner. I recieved a hideous lime green ceramic ashtray (I don't smoke) with life-size corn on the cob decoration! Nice

LuluBlakey1 · 09/04/2023 23:13

Good grief- do people really want 10 quid of tat from Poundland. It's all landfill. Buy yourself an egg instead next year.

IcedBananas · 09/04/2023 23:13

I agree with @jannier very passive agressive and would feel like bullying to be on the receiving end. Either have an honest direct adult conversation or just forget about it. It’s just secret Santa ffs

Redebs · 09/04/2023 23:18

I always tried hard to get lovely Secret Santa gifts and usually got crap ones. One year I gave a silver filigree bookmark and got a bath scrunchy.

Redebs · 09/04/2023 23:19

Oops. Posted too soon
Meant to say there's always going to be disappointment with these events. I wouldn't bother

Sasha07 · 09/04/2023 23:20

Why participate if you don't enjoy putting the effort in to things like that? Or can't afford it? Why should they get something nice and offer up used/dirty items in return? You're basically a tenner down and not got the nice feeling that you expected from the mutual exchange.

I'd be so disappointed in the person who thought that was appropriate. All the excuses under the sun wouldn't change the fact that she put zero thought or effort into it. It'd be hard to have any respect for someone who blatantly didn't give you the basic respect of popping into a shop and getting a few cheap goodies. I'd obviously be civil though, no one wants a miserable work life. Everyone knows there's a CoL criss, they sound like a nice team so would have understood if the new girl couldn't afford it.

I'm sorry for the lack of attention and effort you received on something that does sound like it could be fun. (I'm creative by nature and enjoy gift planning/giving 🤷)
Hopefully next year will be better 🐇

Original poster
suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 23:21

I'm not intending to get back at her. If I pull her next time I will get her something nice. This is about me being a bit upset, not about wanting to hurt someone.

You can never really know what someone's finances are like, true. All I can say is that our salary is fine and I very strongly doubt that she couldn't spend 10 pounds on a gift as she usually spends more for lunch every day (and there are cheaper options available). We eat lunch together every day and she often suggests going to more expensive places.

I would have been happy with just chocolate too. I just don't understand why she is given me dirty smelly things as our relationship was fine. I guess her being stressed out about the trip to Europe might explain it.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 09/04/2023 23:23

Just bin it if it's that bad and move on. Not worth making a fuss about it or you will end up looking like the villain.

Original poster
suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 23:28

We have a whatsapp group and I just checked it and people posted pictures and "thank yous" for the gifts they got.

So I just post a "thank you for the bunny, the chapstick and the chocolate" and leave it at that, right? This thread convinced me that it's not worth to do anything else as it will just cause drama and upset more people.

OP posts:
Bayleaf25 · 09/04/2023 23:30

Just my opinion but Easter gifts aren’t a thing here for our family/friends (uk) apart from eggs for family kids so I wouldn’t make a big deal and just opt out next year (to be honest I wouldn’t have opted in in the first place at Easter).

ComtesseDeSpair · 09/04/2023 23:33

Redebs · 09/04/2023 23:18

I always tried hard to get lovely Secret Santa gifts and usually got crap ones. One year I gave a silver filigree bookmark and got a bath scrunchy.

Perhaps this is part of the problem with activities like this, that the loveliness of so many things is entirely subjective. Honestly, I would find your filigree bookmark useless tat, just as I would a bath scrunchy. I wouldn’t want to receive either, and I wouldn’t think one any nicer than the other. Both would go to the charity shop. As the giver of what you perceive to be the nicer gift, that would probably upset you, whereas the recipient feels differently.

Schmutter · 09/04/2023 23:34

Could you really be bothered to say something? You’d look ridiculously petty.

Just put it in the bin and forget all about it.

ananass · 09/04/2023 23:34

I’d give it back to her and say she must have made a mix up as the items were used.

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/04/2023 23:35

Personally, I’d say no 🤷‍♀️

MobyJeff · 09/04/2023 23:36

Wow. You are all so much more kind/generous than me! I have been the recipient of some really lazy and some downright nasty SS gifts. My experience is that some people are absolutely simmering with barely contained rage/resentment/loathing, and just cannot resist the opportunity to get one over, anonymously, on others. I’m guessing another thread will appear in 6 to 12 months about the absolute drama the new employee caused and the chaos she’s left in her wake. My advice is to keep this one at arms length, and watch what you say during lunch, OP.

WGACA · 09/04/2023 23:37

Don’t take part next year and if anyone asks why tell them what happened this year.

JennyJenny8675309 · 09/04/2023 23:38

suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 23:28

We have a whatsapp group and I just checked it and people posted pictures and "thank yous" for the gifts they got.

So I just post a "thank you for the bunny, the chapstick and the chocolate" and leave it at that, right? This thread convinced me that it's not worth to do anything else as it will just cause drama and upset more people.

Don’t say anything about it. It won’t accomplish anything and could potentially cause a very uncomfortable working situation.

I do wish people would stop inventing occasions to give useless tat. We all need to be sensible and consider the environmental impact of every piece of rubbish we add to the bin. I would never say anything to someone about the quality of a gift. I might silently lower my opinion of them though.

NoTouch · 09/04/2023 23:39

suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 22:06

True, but it wasn't obligatory. The way it works is that they simply put a bowl there and who wants to join puts their name in. Several other people didn't join and no one said anything. It's not like there is peer pressure, no one is being asked to join and it isn't commented on.

Show quote history

Of course there is peer pressure, especially for someone new who is trying to fit in and being told it is just a bit of fun, we all enjoy it and what we do bit you dont have to 🙄. You can just watch us have fun from your desk.

Now you are contemplating telling them they failed to meet your standards?

Ridiculous, this behaviour has no place in the workplace

JennyJenny8675309 · 09/04/2023 23:40

Schmutter · 09/04/2023 23:34

Could you really be bothered to say something? You’d look ridiculously petty.

Just put it in the bin and forget all about it.

Exactly.

OoooohMatron · 09/04/2023 23:40

I feel so sorry for the new girl. Being forced into participating in this absolute shite in the workplace. YABVVU.

Original poster
suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 23:43

It's usually not tat. It's something that you can eat or use in most cases. Last year I got chocolate, a nice card and a bath bomb.

OP posts:
MoreSleepPleasee · 09/04/2023 23:43

As it was voluntary and they opted in I'd say something

Moveoverdarlin · 09/04/2023 23:44

Bin it. Say nothing and forget it.

MoreSleepPleasee · 09/04/2023 23:44

OoooohMatron · 09/04/2023 23:40

I feel so sorry for the new girl. Being forced into participating in this absolute shite in the workplace. YABVVU.

She wasn't forced she wanted to join in.

Original poster
suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 23:45

I won't reply to the people who, very obviously, haven't read my posts.

Thanks for the kind replies of the people who did read them.

OP posts: