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AIBU?

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Original poster

Easter stuff - would I be right to complain?

110 replies

suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 21:57

At work we do a Secret Santa every year for Christmas. It has been going on for years now and has always been nice. Someone suggested doing it for Easter too about three years ago and we have been doing it ever since and never encountered any issues.

The way it works is that we pull names and every person gets a small Easter gift for another person who works there. In the end we find out who gave us the gift as the name is on the Easter card. Gifts can be decorations, a book, chocolate - whatever. The limit is 10 pounds, it's just for fun really, nothing else, and we enjoy it. Everyone at our work place is earning a good salary.

I opened my gift and I was a bit disappointed. It's from our new colleague who always seems nice. Not because of the things that had been chosen, but because of the quality. I received a bunny decoration, a chapstick and some chocolate. I would have been totally happy and pleased with that.

But the chapstick has clearly been opened before. There is a bit of dirt on it and the packaging wasn't closed properly. The Easter decoration is smelly and the outsides of the fabric are brown and yellow. The chocolate seems fine but I'm scared to eat it with the other stuff being so nasty I am sort of wondering what might have happened to it.

Should I say something? To the person who organised it or to the person who gave me the gift? I would say the latter but then again the person who organised it said we should come to him if we face any issues but that seems kind of wrong to me.

I know it isn't really an issue but a minor thing I just feel sad because we usually make an effort to show each other we care. I would have been fine with chocolate for 1 pound, really, but giving smelly, used stuff sort of feels mean. She knows the rules of the game and joining isn't an obligation. You also don't have to opt out or anything. The way it works is that they put a bowl there and if you want to participate you put your name in it and otherwise you don't.

You are being reasonable - you should bring it up
You are being unreasonable - just forget about it

OP posts:
Original poster
suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 22:28

Nailsandthesea · 09/04/2023 22:25

I would honestly bin it and not say a word - someone once gave me a huge pair of lace knickers for a secret Santa at work and given I had just had a miscarriage - I didn’t see the joke when I had brought someone an Emma bridgewater mug. We had to write ideas for someone and I asked for a nice essential oil or a nice bar of chocolate. A big pair of size 18 lace pants when I was an 8 wasn’t funny. The woman who got them for me then joked that ‘they came brand new from a car boot’

vile

Oh sorry :( That sounds awful. I guess I should be happy it was just a smelly decoration and forget about it. I think it is bothering me because I already had a bad week and was sort of looking forward to it but it was probably silly and I should just move on.

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 09/04/2023 22:33

Put it all in a bag and put it away then hope you get her for secret Santa and gift it back to her :)

Original poster
suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 22:37

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 09/04/2023 22:33

Put it all in a bag and put it away then hope you get her for secret Santa and gift it back to her :)

Haha :) Unfortunately I just couldn't, I'd feel too embarrassed. I think I will just try to let it go but it just sort of makes me see her in a different light.

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 09/04/2023 22:40

Secret Santa at Easter - what fresh hell is this🙄

Although it was optional, the new employee may not have realised that lots of people wouldn't join in and it was OK not to participate?
Bit shitty, but £10 can be a lot for someone to manage on a tight budget - and unnecessary. I bought small (100ish gram) branded eggs for my team of eight for less than that.

Original poster
suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 22:43

ThinWomansBrain · 09/04/2023 22:40

Secret Santa at Easter - what fresh hell is this🙄

Although it was optional, the new employee may not have realised that lots of people wouldn't join in and it was OK not to participate?
Bit shitty, but £10 can be a lot for someone to manage on a tight budget - and unnecessary. I bought small (100ish gram) branded eggs for my team of eight for less than that.

That's not really possible as several people didn't join in and it was talked about before the bowl was even put there while she was present.

OP posts:
Eleganz · 09/04/2023 22:44

I stopped participating in such things when I saw a colleague get a load of used work stationary bundled together as a secret Santa present. It wasn't that it was offensive or anything it was that it was the complete lack of effort (and technically theft of company property I suppose). There are always a few people who take the piss and I'd rather not humour them at all.

I have to say that OPs work must be very special for a majority of people to vote voluntarily to have more than one secret Santa a year...

Autumntree · 09/04/2023 22:44

Participating in such things is a waste of time, money and nerves for me. I never do. If I were you, I'd move on and not take part in it again.

Crumpleton · 09/04/2023 22:44

Singularity82 · 09/04/2023 22:08

It matters if it’s second hand shit from someone’s handbag that will go straight in the bin!! Used lip balm? Really?!! 🫤

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I'd be inclined to give the lip balm back and ask her if she'd wrapped it up by mistake.

Whiteroomjoy · 09/04/2023 22:46

Just stop doing this ridiculous thing. Nobody needs Easter gifts- when did that and all this crap Easter decoration become a thing?
you’ve just lost the plot about what Easter is and turned it into yet another meaningless crap buying fest
and all the shite about voluntary? If you’ve not got great self esteem and want to fit in the crowd the social pressure is hard to resist - we’re social animals that are designed to follow the crowd unfortunately

Floralnomad · 09/04/2023 22:47

Just don’t join in in future , it’s really not worth making a fuss about it . I can’t understand why you’ve attempted to clean the thing and not just put it straight in the bin .

Original poster
suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 22:47

Eleganz · 09/04/2023 22:44

I stopped participating in such things when I saw a colleague get a load of used work stationary bundled together as a secret Santa present. It wasn't that it was offensive or anything it was that it was the complete lack of effort (and technically theft of company property I suppose). There are always a few people who take the piss and I'd rather not humour them at all.

I have to say that OPs work must be very special for a majority of people to vote voluntarily to have more than one secret Santa a year...

Wow :(

It used to be really nice. I didn't always get stuff I absolutely loved but it was always chosen with care and I liked it because of that.

OP posts:
Original poster
suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 22:50

I am wondering what I should do when I see her after Easter? I guess everyone will say "thank you" for the gifts they received and I'll do it too to not cause drama?

OP posts:
TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 09/04/2023 22:51

Personally I've always found this sort of thing ideal for getting rid of things I didn't want or like, e.g. chapsticks, lipsticks, chopsticks, crabsticks, drumsticks, firelighters, yoghurts etc.

In fact, I thought that this why these pointless exercises were introduced into companies. I've got rid of all manner of stuff through such a mechanism myself.

CheshireDing · 09/04/2023 22:54

Just say ‘did you have a nice weekend ? Thanks for the Easter Santa’ then move on

Chuck it in the bin, don’t participate in this pointless exercise of adding to landfil again. Do brown adults really need Easter surprise gifts ? ! 🤷‍♀️

Does your Manager really have time to be speaking to colleagues about shit gifts ? Surely not ?

Original poster
suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 22:56

CheshireDing · 09/04/2023 22:54

Just say ‘did you have a nice weekend ? Thanks for the Easter Santa’ then move on

Chuck it in the bin, don’t participate in this pointless exercise of adding to landfil again. Do brown adults really need Easter surprise gifts ? ! 🤷‍♀️

Does your Manager really have time to be speaking to colleagues about shit gifts ? Surely not ?

I have a family but several people working here don't. For them it is just nice to get an egg or a bunny and a little something.

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 09/04/2023 22:57

I mean, you say there’s no pressure to join in, but really… the whole office doing the Secret Santa/Easter Bunny. It must make some feel they better join in just to show they’re part of the team. Shite gifts are the risk you take when you come up with these traditions imho.

jannier · 09/04/2023 22:58

suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 22:06

True, but it wasn't obligatory. The way it works is that they simply put a bowl there and who wants to join puts their name in. Several other people didn't join and no one said anything. It's not like there is peer pressure, no one is being asked to join and it isn't commented on.

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But new people want to fit in, standing back on stuff like that can be isolating in some office's

Original poster
suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 22:59

PuppyMonkey · 09/04/2023 22:57

I mean, you say there’s no pressure to join in, but really… the whole office doing the Secret Santa/Easter Bunny. It must make some feel they better join in just to show they’re part of the team. Shite gifts are the risk you take when you come up with these traditions imho.

No, you didn't read my posts.

OP posts:
NaturalBae · 09/04/2023 23:01

As one of her Secret Santa gifts a few years ago involving extended family members, our adult DD received a small clutch bag/purse with a used plaster in it.
None of us mentioned it and the bag got given to the Charity Shop. Mentioning it wasn’t worth the drama.
DH and I had already refused to take part in the family Secret Santa the year before. DD didn’t bother last year, especially as the minimum spend was increased to £50 per person, as a family member said they did not want any rubbish and also proceeded to publish a list of items they wanted.

I tend to get involved in Secret Santa at work. We haven’t done it for a few years due to WFH, Hybrid working and now the Cost of Living Crisis. I would laugh if any of my colleagues suggested doing it at Easter. And I like most of my colleagues.

jannier · 09/04/2023 23:02

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 09/04/2023 22:16

But they don't have to join in at all so that's a lame excuse imo

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What crap when you're new to an office and don't know the bitchy dynamics some will feel pressure to fit in who knows they could have been bullied previously and not want to risk it again. The gift would be in the bin or eaten by Tuesday either way

JudgeRudy · 09/04/2023 23:04

You say it isn't obligatory but it kind of is, isn't it for a lot of people? I mean, you could say no, but perhaps not the greatest social move for NewGirl.
So she's signed up but she's broke...that's awkward...but no matter how broke I was I would not include a second hand opened chapstick! That's outrageous.

Now this is where I might be a bit different...I'd give my obligatory Ooooh, thanks NG...but I'd have grabbed her at 'hometime' and in a NICE way (almost as a joke) said 'That Chapstick you gave me...would you like it back. I mean I'm not going to use it'...OK so that might be a bit awkward but tough. I might even make up a story about doing something similar, so regifting or something. She won't want the chapstick, neither do you, she'll blush n you tell her, no worries, we've all been there, your secrets safe...if you haven't got the balls to do that, save it and give her it for Xmas. You'll know each other better by then.
Do not tell the organiser or everyone else.

Biffatcrafts · 09/04/2023 23:04

A company I worked for had a re-gifting day after most holidays - always Christmas, often Valentines (that was always a fun one!), and Easter and Thanksgiving. We all brought in the stuff we had been given that we really didn't want and re-wrapped it up. Then we would swap with each other and have a real laugh about what we picked.

Once they were all opened we would then continue swapping until all that was left was stuff absolutely nobody wanted. Those items were then taken to a local charity shop.

It really took the sting out of receiving rubbish presents and didn't cost anyone a thing, and it often had us in fits of laughter as we saw what the items were.

Maybe you could do something similar so you can still have a laugh with your colleagues - and maybe get something you would like - without it causing anyone financial embarrassment as I know lots of people at the moment who would struggle to afford spending £10 on a work mate.

Original poster
suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 23:05

jannier · 09/04/2023 23:02

What crap when you're new to an office and don't know the bitchy dynamics some will feel pressure to fit in who knows they could have been bullied previously and not want to risk it again. The gift would be in the bin or eaten by Tuesday either way

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There are no bitchy dynamics, we all eat lunch together every day and there were several people who didn't join in.

Also, if there were bitchy dynamics wouldn't it be way more risky to join in and give a gift like this? In a bitchy dynamic workplace everyone would be gossiping about her gift right now.

OP posts:
UndertheCedartree · 09/04/2023 23:05

suzettenoisette · 09/04/2023 22:56

I have a family but several people working here don't. For them it is just nice to get an egg or a bunny and a little something.

Show quote history

I don't think it's the norm for adults to get Easter gifts so doesn't really matter if people have family or not.

jannier · 09/04/2023 23:07

JudgeRudy · 09/04/2023 23:04

You say it isn't obligatory but it kind of is, isn't it for a lot of people? I mean, you could say no, but perhaps not the greatest social move for NewGirl.
So she's signed up but she's broke...that's awkward...but no matter how broke I was I would not include a second hand opened chapstick! That's outrageous.

Now this is where I might be a bit different...I'd give my obligatory Ooooh, thanks NG...but I'd have grabbed her at 'hometime' and in a NICE way (almost as a joke) said 'That Chapstick you gave me...would you like it back. I mean I'm not going to use it'...OK so that might be a bit awkward but tough. I might even make up a story about doing something similar, so regifting or something. She won't want the chapstick, neither do you, she'll blush n you tell her, no worries, we've all been there, your secrets safe...if you haven't got the balls to do that, save it and give her it for Xmas. You'll know each other better by then.
Do not tell the organiser or everyone else.

Isn't that a bit of an underhanded bullying?

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