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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I Overreacted?

110 replies

CleverLilViper · 09/04/2023 18:03

This isn't a big deal at all-but I am really annoyed about it.

I live in an end terraced house. To the right of me, is a detached house and to the left-there is three other terraced homes. To the right, there are children and to the left, there are also children.

I sometimes get balls kicked into my garden. I'm not too fussed about this really. It happens and I don't mind if a kid knocks on my door and asks me to get it.

Well, recently, I've had two balls thrown/kicked over my fence and no idea who it was from as both sets of kids like to play with footballs. So I left them there, waiting for someone to claim it as didn't want to assume who they belonged to.

I've been out all day with my dogs at my parents for Easter Sunday dinner and come home, find my gate has been unlocked-I've got the normal standard lock (just a metal bar) and a kind of bar lock that you pull unlocked from the inside.

Someone has reached over and unlocked it and got into my garden and took the balls. As I was so annoyed at the trespass, I went straight over to the people that I assumed did it (the neighbours to the right of me) (as I know my immediate neighbour wouldn't just go onto my property) and asked if they did it. He admitted it was him and I said, "Well, in future, don't. It's trespass." He then said he wouldn't but in an arsey fashion that told me he didn't care about why I was annoyed-and said he'd tell the kid as he'd helped the kid jump over. He didn't-he opened the gate.

It annoys me so much because I've got dogs and if the gate is improperly closed/locked they could get loose. If I hadn't checked and just opened the door, assuming that it was locked as I'd have no reason to believe otherwise and it wasn't-they could have been lost. If I'd dropped or my nephew for example had knocked something into their garden and they were out-I wouldn't trespass onto their garden to claim it-I'd wait until they returned and ask.

I realise that's a long thread for a whole lot of nothing. I just don't know if I've done the wrong thing in going over and saying something. I don't want to escalate anything-but I also sure as hell don't want people getting into habits of just walking onto my property without asking me first.

OP posts:
IchWill · 09/04/2023 18:29

YANBU. I'd be getting a padlock on gate and trellis on top of fence.

BabaBooPuffinsRock · 09/04/2023 18:37

You don't know that he opened the gate to get in, he might have opened it to leave, so that part isn't the "gotcha" you think it is.
Aside from that I think YAB a bit U because if you genuinely didn't know whose balls they were (until they collected them and you suddenly knew whose they were) it seems like you could have put the balls on the other side of the gate for kids to collect at leisure.

Hankunamatata · 09/04/2023 18:41

Well it wouldn't have bothered me as kids often come into the back to collect balls. If you don't want them opening gate then padlock it.

LordEmsworth · 09/04/2023 18:41

BabaBooPuffinsRock · 09/04/2023 18:37

You don't know that he opened the gate to get in, he might have opened it to leave, so that part isn't the "gotcha" you think it is.
Aside from that I think YAB a bit U because if you genuinely didn't know whose balls they were (until they collected them and you suddenly knew whose they were) it seems like you could have put the balls on the other side of the gate for kids to collect at leisure.

Yeah, the OP could have done a favour for the kid who doesn't give a shit about kicking a ball into her garden, or trespassing to retrieve it.

I'd be confiscating any future balls and putting them in the house. Kid can come and knock on if he likes, or indeed send his dad - as long as they're polite about it...

Original poster
CleverLilViper · 09/04/2023 18:53

BabaBooPuffinsRock · 09/04/2023 18:37

You don't know that he opened the gate to get in, he might have opened it to leave, so that part isn't the "gotcha" you think it is.
Aside from that I think YAB a bit U because if you genuinely didn't know whose balls they were (until they collected them and you suddenly knew whose they were) it seems like you could have put the balls on the other side of the gate for kids to collect at leisure.

You seem a bit hard of thinking. There's no way he could have got in without opening the gate. Unless he seriously damaged the fence to climb it as it isn't an easily climbable fence and a child couldn't have reached the lock to open it if he was carried over by an adult. So the adult HAD to have opened the gate.

It's unreasonable now to expect people to not illegally trespass onto my property.

Did you read what I wrote? I didn't know whose they were but by simple deduction (as I know the neighbours to my left wouldn't have trespassed) so it left one suspect. I was willing to be corrected-but voila, I was right in my suspicions!

Why should I do that? I've done that in the past where I've thrown it in the gap between our fences for the kid to come and collect and got a complaint as another kid collected it-so I wait and see who comes to claim it.

OP posts:
Original poster
CleverLilViper · 09/04/2023 18:54

Hankunamatata · 09/04/2023 18:41

Well it wouldn't have bothered me as kids often come into the back to collect balls. If you don't want them opening gate then padlock it.

Yes, it's entirely my responsibility to stop ADULTS coming into MY garden without permission to get balls.

It does have a lock on it-that's how I fucking know it was an adult who opened it. Either way-hardly good lesson to teach kids is it? 'Just walk onto this person's property without their permission.'

OP posts:
MissMaple82 · 09/04/2023 18:58

No you've done nothing wrong. The balls that constantly get kicked into my garden knocking over my plant pots amd destroying my flowers get slashed with sharp knife and binned 🔪

mamabear715 · 09/04/2023 19:01

Wow. They are just kids, balls.. I couldn't make such a big thing about it, tbh.
I'd just pop them back over, whether it's on the pavement or whatever.

HauntedPencil · 09/04/2023 19:01

No you're right. Mine did get balls over the fence and if the neighbour was out, they just had to wait!

Original poster
CleverLilViper · 09/04/2023 19:02

mamabear715 · 09/04/2023 19:01

Wow. They are just kids, balls.. I couldn't make such a big thing about it, tbh.
I'd just pop them back over, whether it's on the pavement or whatever.

That isn't the point at all.

I have made it clear that I don't care about the kids balls being accidentally kicked over. I care about the trespass onto my property without my permission to get them.

OP posts:
Couldyounot · 09/04/2023 19:04

Padlock, definitely. You don't just let yourself into people's gardens!

Fibonacci13 · 09/04/2023 19:04

I can see what a mare this would be with dogs who could be in the garden. I would get a lock for the gate so that no one could open it, let alone people getting balls!

TheGuv1982 · 09/04/2023 19:05

I’d be raging if someone let themselves into my garden OP. Your not being unreasonable.

Floribundaflummery · 09/04/2023 19:09

YANBU neighbour shouldn’t enter your garden without permission or be rude. Yes agree get a padlock, though more of a pain for you. Also can you chuck balls in your front garden if it’s open to the road where kids can collect them without bothering you or would it be too intrusive there too?

Suzi888 · 09/04/2023 19:11

Forget the balls.
He is not allowed on your property.

Otherwise anyone can just throw a ball wherever they would like to gain access.

Suzi888 · 09/04/2023 19:12

mamabear715 · 09/04/2023 19:01

Wow. They are just kids, balls.. I couldn't make such a big thing about it, tbh.
I'd just pop them back over, whether it's on the pavement or whatever.

No doubt you would if the dogs behind the gate knocked your kid over? Or are you really that entitled you think your kids are allowed anywhere. . 🤦🏼‍♀️

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 09/04/2023 19:13

YANBU. You also shouldn't have to buy a padlock because a full grown adult doesn't know that you can't let yourself into someone's garden.

I know you're very annoyed and it all went tits up, but I'd mention it again ,emphasising the issue with the dogs and remind him/the kid they should just knock next time and ask for the ball.

LittleDonkeyKong · 09/04/2023 19:14

In future if I was you I would put the balls outside the gate so they can be retrieved by neighbours without them entering the garden

Cosycover · 09/04/2023 19:14

I don't think this is a big deal at all. But clearly I am in the minority.

HeddaGarbled · 09/04/2023 19:15

Yeah, you over-reacted. “Illegally trespassed” 🙄

GoodChat · 09/04/2023 19:15

There was no need for you to be so abrupt. You could have just said "would you mind just knocking next time as I have dogs and wouldn't want them getting out if the gates not properly secure?"

No they shouldn't have entered your garden but it's pretty easily accessible so not like they caused any damage.

Original poster
CleverLilViper · 09/04/2023 19:19

HeddaGarbled · 09/04/2023 19:15

Yeah, you over-reacted. “Illegally trespassed” 🙄

That's precisely what it is. Trespass is illegal, but I imagine you think it's acceptable to enter another person's property without their permission.

OP posts:
JustAnotherManicNameChange · 09/04/2023 19:22

GoodChat · 09/04/2023 19:15

There was no need for you to be so abrupt. You could have just said "would you mind just knocking next time as I have dogs and wouldn't want them getting out if the gates not properly secure?"

No they shouldn't have entered your garden but it's pretty easily accessible so not like they caused any damage.

So if your house is easily accessible you're ok with neighbours just coming inside as long as they don't cause damage?

ThreeRingCircus · 09/04/2023 19:23

I think it's a relatively small issue but can see why you're annoyed. I think I would be too if the neighbour had been arsey and defensive rather than apologising and saying no harm meant but he won't do it again. I'd just get a padlock OP, we have one on our gate for security as I don't like the thought of anyone being able to easily gain access to the garden, particularly as we often have the back door open in Summer.

Original poster
CleverLilViper · 09/04/2023 19:23

GoodChat · 09/04/2023 19:15

There was no need for you to be so abrupt. You could have just said "would you mind just knocking next time as I have dogs and wouldn't want them getting out if the gates not properly secure?"

No they shouldn't have entered your garden but it's pretty easily accessible so not like they caused any damage.

That's the thing. He's an adult so he should already know it's unacceptable to enter someone else's property without their permission. So I can be as abrupt as I would like to get that message across. I wasn't swearing my head off and being abusive. I was rightly annoyed by someone going into my property without my consent.

As for the easily accessible comment-it's not really that easily accessible. There is a lock on the gate. That's how I know an adult (and the fact he confirmed it himself) opened it. You have to reach right over the gate to slide the lock open and it would have taken effort.

No, there was no property damage but is that relevant? So, if he'd kicked the gate in, unacceptable but since he managed to open it-ah well, no big deal.

OP posts: