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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I Overreacted?

110 replies

CleverLilViper · 09/04/2023 18:03

This isn't a big deal at all-but I am really annoyed about it.

I live in an end terraced house. To the right of me, is a detached house and to the left-there is three other terraced homes. To the right, there are children and to the left, there are also children.

I sometimes get balls kicked into my garden. I'm not too fussed about this really. It happens and I don't mind if a kid knocks on my door and asks me to get it.

Well, recently, I've had two balls thrown/kicked over my fence and no idea who it was from as both sets of kids like to play with footballs. So I left them there, waiting for someone to claim it as didn't want to assume who they belonged to.

I've been out all day with my dogs at my parents for Easter Sunday dinner and come home, find my gate has been unlocked-I've got the normal standard lock (just a metal bar) and a kind of bar lock that you pull unlocked from the inside.

Someone has reached over and unlocked it and got into my garden and took the balls. As I was so annoyed at the trespass, I went straight over to the people that I assumed did it (the neighbours to the right of me) (as I know my immediate neighbour wouldn't just go onto my property) and asked if they did it. He admitted it was him and I said, "Well, in future, don't. It's trespass." He then said he wouldn't but in an arsey fashion that told me he didn't care about why I was annoyed-and said he'd tell the kid as he'd helped the kid jump over. He didn't-he opened the gate.

It annoys me so much because I've got dogs and if the gate is improperly closed/locked they could get loose. If I hadn't checked and just opened the door, assuming that it was locked as I'd have no reason to believe otherwise and it wasn't-they could have been lost. If I'd dropped or my nephew for example had knocked something into their garden and they were out-I wouldn't trespass onto their garden to claim it-I'd wait until they returned and ask.

I realise that's a long thread for a whole lot of nothing. I just don't know if I've done the wrong thing in going over and saying something. I don't want to escalate anything-but I also sure as hell don't want people getting into habits of just walking onto my property without asking me first.

OP posts:
pictoosh · 09/04/2023 20:04

MissMaple82 · 09/04/2023 18:58

No you've done nothing wrong. The balls that constantly get kicked into my garden knocking over my plant pots amd destroying my flowers get slashed with sharp knife and binned 🔪

As for you...are you a Roald Dahl antagonist? You sound like one.

Original poster
CleverLilViper · 09/04/2023 20:05

pictoosh · 09/04/2023 20:04

As for you...are you a Roald Dahl antagonist? You sound like one.

Show quote history

Her property is getting damaged by the balls going over her fence. I think we can safely assume the parents don't offer to pay to repair the damages.

OP posts:
FrenchieF · 09/04/2023 20:14

You should have just sat the balls in your front garden.

Coffeellama · 09/04/2023 20:20

I think you probably approached it wrong with the neighbour and sounded like you were being arsey on principle. It sounds like this is the first time this has happened, so it probably would have been better to go and say ‘please don’t enter or let your kids enter my property, I don’t always double check my gate and I don’t want to take the risk of the dog getting out because or someone else, as you no I’m happy to give balls back when im home’. It may have gotten a better response and you have to live next to these people. Getting a ball back as a one off isn’t crime of the century, though I appreciate it’s very annoying for you.

mamabear715 · 09/04/2023 20:22

@Suzi888 What ARE you talking about? What kids? What dogs?
I said I would just throw balls back out of my garden!
Sheesh, some folk REALLY read between the lines when there's nothing there!!

saraclara · 09/04/2023 20:27

I'm not sure why you made this OP. You clearly think that you were reasonable, so why have you asked for opinions, when anyone saying otherwise is just infuriating you?

Lilyofthevalley23 · 09/04/2023 20:28

YABU

Tresspass is not illegal, it is a civil matter. No crime has been committed.

You have a bolt on your gate, not a lock. Put a proper lock on it if you don't want uninvited visitors.

PuddlesPityParty · 09/04/2023 20:28

Imagine if the OPs dog was in the garden and did anything to the man - or child- climbing over the fence - how stupid of him!

I usually throw any balls in my garden back into the ginnel and I have padlocks on my gate, OP.

Original poster
CleverLilViper · 09/04/2023 20:33

I appreciate that I could have maybe gone over a little bit calmer and not as pissed off as I was. I was just so annoyed when I got back, let the dogs out and realised what had happened that I had to say something. Granted-I didn't maybe approach it the best way-but when you're pissed off, you're not always thinking of how to frame things to make another person comfortable.

As far as I am concerned, this is an unspoken boundary. No one definitively says "Don't enter my property without my permission" but for most of us adults, we know not to do it anyway. So the fact that he went and did it anyway just riled me up. I wouldn't ever dream of doing such a thing. It wouldn't even cross my mind as being remotely acceptable.

If we'd already had an agreement whereby I'd said such a thing was ok-this thread wouldn't exist. We don't.

I have in the past thrown the balls in the gap between our houses but the balls have ended up being picked up by different kids and lost. So when the kid comes over to get the ball, they get in trouble off their parents because it's lost. So, I've taken the decision to just leave it until a kid comes to claim it.

OP posts:
Original poster
CleverLilViper · 09/04/2023 20:34

Lilyofthevalley23 · 09/04/2023 20:28

YABU

Tresspass is not illegal, it is a civil matter. No crime has been committed.

You have a bolt on your gate, not a lock. Put a proper lock on it if you don't want uninvited visitors.

So because I don't have a padlock on, that automatically means I want uninvited people on my property?

I imagine with your logic, if you don't have a steering wheel lock, you want uninvited people to drive your car.

OP posts:
FrenchieF · 09/04/2023 20:40

Jeez just chuck the balls in the direction you think they came.
no one should be entering a property but it’s normal for delivery drivers, neighbours to have to sometimes enter a garden, they definitely shouldn’t be entering gates especially with dogs loose , but as long as they closed gates. It not a big issue.
its not really breaking a law .
they were probably getting the ball back when you were out so as not to disturb you.

Northbright · 09/04/2023 20:41

I think it's fine to collect a ball if a neighbour isn't in. They aren't random strangers and are saving you the trouble of sorting it out when you get back. That's living in a community. Plus you don't want to set a precedent about neighbours being forbidden to enter a neighbours property to retrieve something. What if one of your dogs escaped next door and started digging up their garden?

FrenchieF · 09/04/2023 20:42

Your being ridiculous comparing someone retrieving their ball to someone stealing a car 😂

NadjaCravensworth1 · 09/04/2023 20:44

Is there any point in asking if you're being unreasonable when you are responding to anyone who opposes you in such a nasty way? You seem like a pretty unreasonable person generally tbh

Baabaa75 · 09/04/2023 20:44

He was in the wrong. He must know you have dogs, he could have accidentally let them out or left himself open to an attack for which you would have been liable.

FrenchieF · 09/04/2023 20:44

But I do get it’s worrying if they leave gate unsecured so you are not be unreasonable in telling the neighbours .

Original poster
CleverLilViper · 09/04/2023 20:44

FrenchieF · 09/04/2023 20:42

Your being ridiculous comparing someone retrieving their ball to someone stealing a car 😂

You're*

I'm not. I'm using the exact same logic as the poster did.

Poster: Get a padlock if you don't want uninvited guests in.
Me: Using the same logic, get a steering wheel lock if you don't want an uninvited person to drive your car.

OP posts:
theGooHasGone · 09/04/2023 20:46

Just throw all the balls out of your garden before you go out. If they lose the ball - oh well, should have come and got it back sooner. If someone else steals it, it's not your ball so it's not your problem.

I agree it's not acceptable to come into your garden without permission. Fit a padlock to the gate.

theGooHasGone · 09/04/2023 20:47

Reason being: You can't make them listen or see your point of view, so just make it difficult for them to enter and solve the problem that way.

FrenchieF · 09/04/2023 20:48

You’re being ridiculous correcting a spelling, that’s predictive text . I don’t think you’re a very nice person, and that’s the reason the went to get ball back when you were out .

Crazycrazylady · 09/04/2023 20:49

Honestly op. I'm not sure why you posted in Aibu since you're clearly 100% certain that you were in no way unreasonable .

Would I have been thrilled, I wouldn't but not sure I'd have marched over like you did tall accusatory. It's crap having tension with your neighbours for ever.
I'd have said nothing but would have thrown balls backs immediately and padlocked gate for extra security .

rwalker · 09/04/2023 20:49

I get where your coming from but tbh as you never have a problem in the past with retrieving balls and you were out
right or wrong I’d presume you wouldn’t mind

SchoolQuestionnaire · 09/04/2023 20:50

Yanbu. No one should enter your garden without permission. Also you can buy massive nets to catch balls - we used to have them when our kids had a crap sim. Your neighbours might want to invest as it’s fucking inconsiderate to be allowing your kids to kick balls here, there and everywhere into other people’s gardens.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 09/04/2023 20:50

*crap aim

QforCucumber · 09/04/2023 20:53

CleverLilViper · 09/04/2023 20:44

You're*

I'm not. I'm using the exact same logic as the poster did.

Poster: Get a padlock if you don't want uninvited guests in.
Me: Using the same logic, get a steering wheel lock if you don't want an uninvited person to drive your car.

Show quote history

Well no - the logic there is you LOCK your car doors so therefore actually are already taking steps to stop people entering it aren’t you 😂