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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I Overreacted?

110 replies

CleverLilViper · 09/04/2023 18:03

This isn't a big deal at all-but I am really annoyed about it.

I live in an end terraced house. To the right of me, is a detached house and to the left-there is three other terraced homes. To the right, there are children and to the left, there are also children.

I sometimes get balls kicked into my garden. I'm not too fussed about this really. It happens and I don't mind if a kid knocks on my door and asks me to get it.

Well, recently, I've had two balls thrown/kicked over my fence and no idea who it was from as both sets of kids like to play with footballs. So I left them there, waiting for someone to claim it as didn't want to assume who they belonged to.

I've been out all day with my dogs at my parents for Easter Sunday dinner and come home, find my gate has been unlocked-I've got the normal standard lock (just a metal bar) and a kind of bar lock that you pull unlocked from the inside.

Someone has reached over and unlocked it and got into my garden and took the balls. As I was so annoyed at the trespass, I went straight over to the people that I assumed did it (the neighbours to the right of me) (as I know my immediate neighbour wouldn't just go onto my property) and asked if they did it. He admitted it was him and I said, "Well, in future, don't. It's trespass." He then said he wouldn't but in an arsey fashion that told me he didn't care about why I was annoyed-and said he'd tell the kid as he'd helped the kid jump over. He didn't-he opened the gate.

It annoys me so much because I've got dogs and if the gate is improperly closed/locked they could get loose. If I hadn't checked and just opened the door, assuming that it was locked as I'd have no reason to believe otherwise and it wasn't-they could have been lost. If I'd dropped or my nephew for example had knocked something into their garden and they were out-I wouldn't trespass onto their garden to claim it-I'd wait until they returned and ask.

I realise that's a long thread for a whole lot of nothing. I just don't know if I've done the wrong thing in going over and saying something. I don't want to escalate anything-but I also sure as hell don't want people getting into habits of just walking onto my property without asking me first.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 09/04/2023 19:23

Ok then no OP YANBU you are completely 100% right and should never ever question your actions again.

GoodChat · 09/04/2023 19:24

@JustAnotherManicNameChange my house isn't easily accessible but my garden is in exactly the same way as OP's. It wouldn't bother me at all, personally.

Original poster
CleverLilViper · 09/04/2023 19:25

GoodChat · 09/04/2023 19:24

@JustAnotherManicNameChange my house isn't easily accessible but my garden is in exactly the same way as OP's. It wouldn't bother me at all, personally.

How do you actually know what my garden is actually like? FFS.

OP posts:
Custardbanana · 09/04/2023 19:30

Trespass is not in itself a crime. I expect if you hadn't have mentioned this he wouldn't have got his back up and responded in such an arsy fashion.

HeddaGarbled · 09/04/2023 19:30

Blimey, you’re aggressive in your responses here.

GoodChat · 09/04/2023 19:30

@CleverLilViper I don't know what your garden is like but I know your gate has a bolt at the top and nothing else keeping it locked... because you told us...

Teeheehee1579 · 09/04/2023 19:33

Crikey the amount of threads today where people seem to think it is ok for children (and clearly adults in this situation) to do as they please is astonishing but so prevalent these days. Selfish society. OP you are absolutely not unreasonable - I would be pissed off too. Not least because I have dogs that could escape if I didn’t know it was open (and actually serious problem) and also because it is not ok for people to just enter my property without permission. They kick a ball, they wait.

Original poster
CleverLilViper · 09/04/2023 19:33

Custardbanana · 09/04/2023 19:30

Trespass is not in itself a crime. I expect if you hadn't have mentioned this he wouldn't have got his back up and responded in such an arsy fashion.

He was arsey the second I challenged him for coming into my garden without my permission without mentioning the trespassing.

OP posts:
Tiredmummaoftwo · 09/04/2023 19:34

What exactly are you coming on here to achieve? Because it looks like if someone doesn't agree with your response you don't like it?

Do you just want everyone to tell you that you absolutely did the right thing? In that case my best advice would be to walk to the bathroom mirror and have a chat with yourself love.

Mummyof3Me2021 · 09/04/2023 19:37

You sound like serious hard work. Take a day off.

Original poster
CleverLilViper · 09/04/2023 19:37

Tiredmummaoftwo · 09/04/2023 19:34

What exactly are you coming on here to achieve? Because it looks like if someone doesn't agree with your response you don't like it?

Do you just want everyone to tell you that you absolutely did the right thing? In that case my best advice would be to walk to the bathroom mirror and have a chat with yourself love.

It looks as if the people who don't agree with me think it's acceptable for children and adults to go where they please and do what they please regardless if they've got permission to do so.

In which case, I don't care too much for their responses.

OP posts:
Original poster
CleverLilViper · 09/04/2023 19:37

Mummyof3Me2021 · 09/04/2023 19:37

You sound like serious hard work. Take a day off.

And you sound like a fool.

OP posts:
Mummyof3Me2021 · 09/04/2023 19:38

Grin You've confirmed my comment. What a delight.

Original poster
CleverLilViper · 09/04/2023 19:40

Teeheehee1579 · 09/04/2023 19:33

Crikey the amount of threads today where people seem to think it is ok for children (and clearly adults in this situation) to do as they please is astonishing but so prevalent these days. Selfish society. OP you are absolutely not unreasonable - I would be pissed off too. Not least because I have dogs that could escape if I didn’t know it was open (and actually serious problem) and also because it is not ok for people to just enter my property without permission. They kick a ball, they wait.

Thank you. That's the point that I'm making with it. It isn't acceptable to just do as you please and I think it's a bad lesson to teach children that they can just go onto a neighbour's property (or anyone else's property) without their permission.

OP posts:
Tiredmummaoftwo · 09/04/2023 19:40

YOU asked US if we thought you were overreacting. Some people (quite rightly) think you are.

As I said before. If you don't want our opinion why ask in the first place? You already think you're right.

Yes YABU. Yes you are a bellend.

QforCucumber · 09/04/2023 19:41

I mean - I think you have hugely overreacted ( since that was your question and you’ll likely tell me where to go as you have anyone else who says so)

but then us and our neighbours have a similar arrangement of ‘if the ball comes over don’t bother knocking just go grab it but make sure you close the gate after you’

works really well when politely done

Custardbanana · 09/04/2023 19:41

OP - Have I overreacted?
MN -Yes
OP - No I haven't

Catshaveiteasy · 09/04/2023 19:42

No I don't think you are in the wrong. If a ball gets kicked over and isn't returned it's just hard luck on the child. The neighbour could have simply waited for you to return. He had no right to simply open your gate, it wasn't an emergency.

BTW same thing happens to us but at the back. The gardens from the road round the corner from us back onto our garden and it isn't clear exactly where the balls come from. If I've heard kids playing recently, I chuck them into what I think is the right garden. If not I put them out front. They disappear but who knows if they get back to their rightful owner? Kids balks are cheap too, not something irreplaceable.

JudgeRinderonTinder · 09/04/2023 19:43

It’s a non issue from my perspective. As long as they did no damage. They only came to collect a ball. If this all you have to worry about in life then it’s going pretty well for you.

Forgooodnesssakenow · 09/04/2023 19:44

I would never let myself in someone's garden to retrieve a toy. My son at 2.5 used to chuck stuff over the low fence between us and next door and I'd tell him he wouldn't get it back and the lovely elderly lady who lives there told him he was welcome in any time to get things if they fell over. Cue weeks of it being his favourite thing to do 😂 despite the open invitation the odd time we had to do it I always felt I was trespassing. I wouldn't love someone opening our gate either incase of it not being fully closed and a child or dog escaping so I understand that. Maybe the dad was just embarrassed? I would have been.

BrokenBonesStixStones · 09/04/2023 19:50

I wouldn’t think twice if an adult or child came in to the garden to get a ball.

However I can see the danger with dogs getting out etc. You get more flies with honey than vinegar when approaching people though.

Manichean · 09/04/2023 19:51

I would be seriously fucked off if someone put my dogs at risk.

TeenLifeMum · 09/04/2023 19:53

I don’t padlock my garden gate but I also don’t expect neighbours to just walk in either. I’d be annoyed.

Fluckinghell · 09/04/2023 19:58

MissMaple82 · 09/04/2023 18:58

No you've done nothing wrong. The balls that constantly get kicked into my garden knocking over my plant pots amd destroying my flowers get slashed with sharp knife and binned 🔪

You do know that is actually classed as theft?

pictoosh · 09/04/2023 20:03

I probably wouldn't want local kids just letting themselves into my garden to retrieve balls. I certainly wouldn't mind passing them back if asked.
I think your abrupt and antagonistic manner has got people's backs up OP.