to ask dd to contribute more to the bills?

[namenamename12]

dd is 18 she finished college last year and is taking some time to decide what she wants to do, etc. since august she’s worked at a well known supermarket, earning just a bit above minimum wage and about 30 hours a week. her employer gave her a staff discount card for a family member as well as herself which was saving me quite a bit on the shopping. I still charged her £50 a month which I think is reasonable, considering she has been earning around 800 a month. She has more disposable cash than me.

well last week she’s decided to quit her job, she had a falling out with her manager and quit on the spot, she says she hated it there etc etc. tbf it was a stressful environment but she seemed to be doing okay there until recently.

so she’s quit her job, she has got a new job lined up, she’s going to work with her boyfriend at a fast food restaurant, her boyfriend has gotten her the job and she starts next week. she’s actually going to be earning less there than she was before, and tbh I think the main reason she quit was because she wanted to work with her bf. I think it’s a bad idea but she’s an adult she can do what she wants.

I’ve said to her since bills are going up and I won’t have access to the discount anymore I want her to contribute more- I’m asking for £75 a month instead of 50. Which is actually less than I would have saved with the discount etc etc. but even still, she’ll be earning upwards of 500 a month, I get she needs to save but I feel like what I’m asking isn’t unreasonable.

she’s lashed out at me and said that it’s not fair because she’s earning less why should she have to pay more, and that I’m being mean and horrible basically. when she got the job at the supermarket I said that her staff discount would count towards her contribution, but she’s saying that I’m penalising her for switching jobs🤷‍♀️

[QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat]

OP YANBU, £75 A MONTH!!!!! I would love her to be able to point to anywhere where she would be able to live for £75 a month. Do not back down. She should still be able to save with that amount.

[AHugeTinyMistake]

Perhaps offer her to sit down with the bills herself and work out what a fair contribution would be.

I expect it will come to much more than £75 a month and she will quickly realise that

[Aprilx]

I paid £60 a month when I was 18 and that was 34 years ago. I know that some parents don’t take contributions if they don’t need them, but if she had more disposable income than you, then she needs to make a proper contribution. YANBU.

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

20% of take home pay is my sort of thinking with adult dc who are no longer in education. Especially if you are providing all food, mobile contract etc.

[Beebopdrop]

What a brat. I paid £200 a month nearly 25 years ago

[hcarter8]

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

[PurpleBananaSmoothie]

When I finished uni it was a few weeks until I found a job. My mum said I needed to pay 25% of my job seekers allowance until I got a job and then what % of my wage I would contribute but it would probably be in the region of 30%. It took too long for them to process my JSA application and I’d got a job and moved out by then so didn’t actually pay her anything but it wasn’t unreasonable to contribute. Although I’d have been better off doing 30% to my mum. She needs to learn that if you take a lower paying job that your bills don’t go down.

[Devoutspoken]

Hcarter8, I agree, I'd rather my kids save their money

[BaronessEllarawrosaurus]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

We're talking adults who should be covering their own costs. If they expect food on the table and laundry etc then it needs to be paid for

[Innocentinfamy]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

Not every parent is in the position to support adult children no matter how much they wish they could.

[FavouriteDogMug]

It depends if you need the money. I don't charge my dd any rent as we don't really need the contribution and I would rather she saved it for her future. If I did need the money I would charge but I think you are being a bit petty about the discount card thing.

[FavouriteDogMug]

It depends if you need the money. I don't charge my dd any rent as we don't really need the contribution and I would rather she saved it for her future. If I did need the money I would charge but I think you are being a bit petty about the discount card thing.

[Beamur]

Her choices have consequences! Fair enough to change jobs but she knew her staff discount was off setting her contribution. So only fair that you charge her more..£75 is still an absolute steal for board and lodgings. I'd ask for more.
I don't see why working adult children should be given a free ride. It really doesn't teach them about the next stage of their lives - financial responsibility and self sufficiency.

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

Eh? They are out of education and working. Why shouldn't they contribute??

[Createausername1970]

When I was at home, I had to pay a third of my take home pay. My dad said a third to the household bills and food, a third to save and a third for me.

This is what I now do with DS when he is working and he is very happy with this. He knows what things cost and he knows what he likes to find in the fridge. So if he was bringing home £800 I would be looking for £250.

[SeemsSoUnfair]

My first wage in 1980s was around £500/month - my parents took £150 of that, but I had a lot of travel expenses to get to work (2 buses and train each way).

If she was earning £800/month then £200-£250 would not have been unreasonable.

Once out of education it is important they feel they are paying their own way and are not too comfortable that they don't aspire to more.

If she has been out of college since August and has no plans for the next academic year she is no longer considering her future, she has decided working with her bf is it for now, so now she needs to start adulting and that means paying.

[PurpleBananaSmoothie]

@hcarter8

I'll never understand parents who make their children pay rent, whatever age they are it just seems odd to me. You should never charge your child for something a parent should do for free

My mum made me pay rent because she was a single parent. Living with her as an adult that wasn’t in full time education so she lost her single person discount on council tax. Her utility bills and food bills increased with me being home. My dad stopped paying maintenance and she couldn’t afford those increases. It’s nice that you have never been in that position but not everyone is.

[CheersForThatEh]

Yabu and yanbu.

I think its fair to want more rent in principle....

but that you have been very unfair mentioning the discount card because it was never yours and it bringing it up now saying that she got a rent reduction for it is massively changing the goalposts. It's not up to her to make up a family shortfall, however unfair it feels that she has more take home pay.

She didnt know you were charging less because of the card (nor did you) so yabu to tell her it was effectively payout of part of her rent now.

[letsgotothebeachyay]

i would say “that absolutely fine, you don’t have to contribute, u don’t have to do any housework. Please allow me to assist u to find an apartment somewhere so that you may do exactly as you please.”

[JuicyBanana]

I believe that lots of financial advisors tell you that even if you don't need the money you should charge them as it starts them with good habits of budgeting and not having their entire wage to piss up a wall.

Ask her where she thinks she can rent a room with utilities included where you also get food for £75 a month. Make her look online at Spareroom etc to see what people are charging locally to you.

Does she know how much bills are at home? Gas and electric? Water? Food for the week? The things she is consuming? Maybe she should find out.

[Createausername1970]

But to follow on from above post, if we go out for a meal, we pay. We are going to America later this year and are paying for his travel and accommodation, but he can fund his spending money. Having him contribute to the household budget means we can afford to pay for him in other ways. He kind of gets it back, but feels good in himself for contributing in the first place.

[letsgotothebeachyay]

Ps to all those commenting here - this young lady is a grown adult and she needs to start acting like one and understand that everything now costs a lot of money and she needs to contribute

[literalviolence]

It's not rent, it's board. She is costing you a great deal more than that in food and bills so personally I'd charge more. You are definitely not being unreasonable but she is showing a significant lack of maturity. She's still young though. I'm sure she'll look back on this with horror at some point.

[BungleandGeorge]

How many hours is she working? If she’s only earning 500 a month, it’s not very many. Her previous job was part time too. Less than £20 a week for rent and expenses is practically nothing. She needs to get back to studying or get an apprenticeship or a full time job, and pay you more rent. I don’t think you’re really doing her a favour, is she saving any of the money earned?

[User639762456]

I would charge more, she has probably got a lot more disposable income than you by the sounds of it