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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scratches on 2 year olds shoulder and back

104 replies

Gettissuesgotissues · 09/04/2023 11:22

Left DP alone with the kids (2 and 6) for an hour. When I came back my toddler had scratch marks on his shoulder and back. Definitely weren't there before and looked fresh. DP said he can't recall any incident where this might have happened. Its not the first time, it also happened a few weeks ago, they were too deep for him to have done himself. AIBU to suspect he's done this? For context he does have anger problems and regularly shouts at the kids.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/04/2023 11:24

What the fuck?

You need to report this and get yourself and your children into a place of safety.

Before you say 'but I've nowhere to go' if you report that you think he has abused your child, the police will be straight there and he will be removed.

Skybluepinky · 09/04/2023 11:32

U say it’s not the first time but still u leave yr kids with them?
R u sure it’s them or could it be the other child?
Either way u need to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

watermelonsugar3 · 09/04/2023 11:33

What the heck? I take it he's not their father 🙄

thegrain · 09/04/2023 11:34

For context he does have anger problems and regularly shouts at the kids why are you leaving your kids with him

PinkLemonadee · 09/04/2023 11:38

Ask the child and see what they say.

I'd be very wary of leaving them alone together. Maybe a camera so you have evidence of what's going on?

ladydimitrescu · 09/04/2023 11:38

Why are you leaving the kids alone with someone you know has a temper, shouts at them, and you think left marks before?? If there is even a slight chance he did this, you need to get him the fuck away from your kids.

SoShallINever · 09/04/2023 11:47

You suspect he did this, don't you? You need to report this to Child Safeguarding at your local council. To neglect to report this makes you culpable.
Protect your DC.

Original poster
Gettissuesgotissues · 09/04/2023 11:48

He is their father. They are rarely alone with him as he says he can't cope. I'd been with them all Friday and Saturday and went out with my baby for a quick coffee. I thought they'd be OK for an hour.

OP posts:
TheOriginalEmu · 09/04/2023 11:49

watermelonsugar3 · 09/04/2023 11:33

What the heck? I take it he's not their father 🙄

what a weird thing to say.
you need to take this seriously OP. I know it’s scary but you must. Can your toddler tell you anything?

SoShallINever · 09/04/2023 11:50

You need to get the injury checked out too. It's not up to you to decide if it needs treating, it needs looking at by a professional. Otherwise you will be classed as negligent.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 09/04/2023 11:50

Jesus OP this sounds like a recipe for disaster - I suggest if you don’t want to lose care of your kids because you ignore abuse that will one day escalate to violence, you leave now

PinkLemonadee · 09/04/2023 11:52

SoShallINever · 09/04/2023 11:50

You need to get the injury checked out too. It's not up to you to decide if it needs treating, it needs looking at by a professional. Otherwise you will be classed as negligent.

A couple of scratches do not need to be checked by a doctor. Especially on Easter Sunday - the op would be waiting forever.

Zola1 · 09/04/2023 11:53

Ask the 6 year old what happened?

TheFormidableMrsC · 09/04/2023 11:54

Fucking hell, that poor child. I can't see how you can continue in a relationship with an angry man who injures a defenceless toddler. If you do you risk losing your children. Please seek help immediately. What an utterly vile man.

JMSA · 09/04/2023 11:54

@TheOriginalEmu

Why weird? Have you missed the thread on here about a child being killed by her stepfather?

Zola1 · 09/04/2023 11:55

Also. You need to ring your local Emergency Duty Team if you genuinely think he did this, and take the kids out the house to your Mum's or something.
Your little one might need a child protection medical examination and you're leaving them at risk if you think an adult has hurt one of them and you remain in the home with him and do nothing

BCfan · 09/04/2023 11:55

Have you asked the children what happened (away from your DP of course)

I'd have thought they are old enough to tell you if they feel safe to do so, or you should be able to tell if they've been coerced into lying?

You should 100% leave and never look back because you are responsible for keeping them safe. If you don't do this (as I suspect will be the case) then get a nanny can or something if you feel you need proof

Unsure33 · 09/04/2023 11:56

Could the 6 year old have done it? I still have scars from where my sister scratched me .

SoShallINever · 09/04/2023 11:56

PinkLemonadee · 09/04/2023 11:38

Ask the child and see what they say.

I'd be very wary of leaving them alone together. Maybe a camera so you have evidence of what's going on?

Why would you start messing about with cameras? That implies he will be left alone with the kids again.
Take the child to a walk in centre and have their injuries examined. The staff there should report to safeguarding but you can and should also report to child safeguarding at your local council/social services.
Before your DP says that you have done it!

MoreSleepPleasee · 09/04/2023 11:57

This is genuinely shocking. Wtf. You know what he's like yet leave children in his care. That's neglectful on you both.

Original poster
Gettissuesgotissues · 09/04/2023 11:57

Toddler just says 'I don't know' and 6 year old says he didn't know either. It must have happened just before I got back, I had a missed call from him 10 mins before I walked in the door.

Last time it absolutely wasn't clear what had happened or when it had happened, so I didn't want to assume the worst (that he had done it). But now its happened again I can't come up with any other logical explanation, especially given his lack of one. Of course I absolutely won't be leaving them alone again.

The scratches aren't bad enough to need medical attention, they were deeper last time.

OP posts:
SoShallINever · 09/04/2023 12:00

PinkLemonadee · 09/04/2023 11:52

A couple of scratches do not need to be checked by a doctor. Especially on Easter Sunday - the op would be waiting forever.

Show quote history

Wrong. I work in this field. The injury needs logging and the incident needs logging. OP will be inferred support and proper procedures followed.
This is not a scratch from a toy, this is abuse. OP knows this.

Original poster
Gettissuesgotissues · 09/04/2023 12:00

I have photos from this time and last time, and have a relative visiting who I went for coffee with.

Social services are involved at my request because of his anger. When they finally get in touch with me I will be telling them all of this.

OP posts:
Cherryblossomtreesforever · 09/04/2023 12:00

It depends on the background story, how the father is with the children.
Do the children seem afraid of him?
Does the six year old seem like she is afraid to tell you something?

If you strongly suspect the father then obviously you need to take action.

Original poster
Gettissuesgotissues · 09/04/2023 12:00

It's proving it was him though isn't it?

OP posts:
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