Scratches on 2 year olds shoulder and back

[Gettissuesgotissues]

Left DP alone with the kids (2 and 6) for an hour. When I came back my toddler had scratch marks on his shoulder and back. Definitely weren't there before and looked fresh. DP said he can't recall any incident where this might have happened. Its not the first time, it also happened a few weeks ago, they were too deep for him to have done himself. AIBU to suspect he's done this? For context he does have anger problems and regularly shouts at the kids.

If it was then I know it's abuse and my heart breaks for my poor toddler.

Sure if you're going to take it down the legal route BUT you don't have to prove anything to leave immediately and remove your kids from danger that you know is there

Bad advice.
People are suggesting she get the child checked as there could be hidden injuries, but more than that it will trigger outside help. SS will be involved and the doctor and she can ask for help and protect her children. Children aren’t removed for this, it only happens when parents don’t seek help to protect their children. So going to the OOH GP today is exactly the right thing to do

I think you need to be a bit more proactive with this. You've a social worker involved because you're that worried about the anger of a man living in your home?
The poster saying a couple of scratches don't need medical attention, you're correct, it's for safeguarding purposes. Seeing a medical professional or speaking to a social worker today will start a chain.
It also means evidence is gathered for potential prosecution (not necessarily here for a scratch obviously, but some kids will have a bruise which can be determined none accidental, a random swelling where skeletal survey uncovers a break etc). Forensic photos are taken, accurate records and body maps and statements completed. If you miss the window you lose evidence.
It's not about whether it needs medical attention if you suspect an injury caused by physical abuse or over chastisement.

Even proving it to myself though. The biggest indicator it was him was his lack of explanation for how it had happened, and him saying 'I can't recall doing it, doesn't mean I didn't'. I mean, how the hell do you interpret that?

If I felt my dh’s anger was so bad that I needed to involve social services then he wouldn’t be living in the same house or having contact with the children.

There are loads of ways a child could have scratches so id never suspect dh of harming our children but that fact that this is the first thought you have means he needs to leave and live elsewhere.

You already know. You wouldn't have started this thread otherwise.

Is he abusive or controlling to you? Do you need help to leave?

I dont want to kick you while you're down but what do you want social services to say or do? Tell you that it's not bad enough for them to remove your kids or that there is a lack of evidence to refer to the police so that you can continue to turn a blind eye and assuage your guilt that it isnt "that bad" and that if everything happened "you did the right things"?

He has an anger issues. You doubt him. What are you thinking putting your kids around him, alone or in his company by being in a relationship.

What the fuck indeed!!!!!!

If there was a shadow of a doubt that my DP would do this do my kid I would walk out of my house and sleep in the street right now.

OP - you are their MOTHER, don’t be complicit in their abuse!!!!!!!!!

If you keep your kids in a house where you think someone is abusing them then you might as well abuse them yourself.

For fucks sake I’m gonna have to stop reading these pages for my blood pressure!

You need to leave and if you can't straight away make sure he's never alone with them for any length of time.
Does your 2 year old go to nursery? If he does and the nursery see the marks they will likely get safeguarding involved, especially with no explanation as to how it happened.
It will be better for you to do this. Get in touch with SS again on Tuesday. IME you have to really push them for help.

Take no chances .
He has anger issues and shouts a lot.Why do you expect your children to live with that?

Call the NSPCC today. Get a reference number. Contact social services again on Tuesday and tell them, send the photos, copy in school/preschool. Make a plan to leave immediately.

I was with you up until this post
Why in gods name are you leaving your kids with a man who you KNOW isn't safe.
Why are you still in a relationship with his monster? What's good about your relationship when you have had to get social services involved because of him?
Get rid of him and put your kids first.
How that this need spelled out

You really must take the child to the walk in NHS centre. Tell them you suspect abuse - the rest will happen as a result of saying this.

If you don't, you could well be considered neglectful yourself for not seeking help when you suspected abuse.

I'd do cameras while I was sorting getting us all out of there.

Do ehat a responsible parent would do and remove this person. I wouldn't let someone come in and shout at my cats far less my child. I assume you're OK with him shouting and not coping with HIS children. I'm guessing you've got three kids with this specimen. Ffs raise your game and get rid.

FYI - Social services will be open and working today for urgent cases.

Abuse with physical marks is urgent. Call them while at the urgent care centre. Take all the children.

If this suddenly escalates and a child is seriously hurt or killed you will probably be charged for failing to keep that child safe. Just be aware of that. You need to remove him from your home and you need to have everything documented that you did the right things. Sticking a thread on here and taking a couple of photos doesn’t exonerate you from your responsibility

Whya re you with him? He has anger issues, youve involved SS and now you left your kids with him despite knowing he cannot cope with them. Awful. Take some responsibility and move ffs. Why do women do this. I will never understand. You are complicit if something happens to your kids.
There was a thred a few weeks ago about a year old who banged his head after being hit by his fater.The woman posted here and disappeared. That thread is still haunting me.
Stop bringing innocent children into this world to be abused because you make poor decisions.

You interpret it that he knows full fucking well he did it!!!

He's leaving for his home country for a month in a couple of days. I'll be using this time to get an occupation/non molestation order.

Yes he is controlling and abusive towards me too.

Thanks for your advice about chasing SS. I will do this on Tuesday. But you're right, I don't know what else they can say, I know he needs to go. I guess I just need that extra validation that this is not OK, I'm not overeatcting to an innocent injury in this case.

I hadn't thought about any medical help from the point of view of getting it logged. But I have photos and a whatsapp conversation where he says he can't say for sure it wasn't him. I've been so beaten down over the years I have no confidence in my own judgment over this at this point.

Call the police. Now. It may be possible to prove who inflicted the scratches with forensics if you act quickly. You may need that evidence to prevent him getting unsupervised access to the children.

I know it's hard, but it is your job to protect your kids.

Has your 6 year old got form for scratching your 2 year old? Because if not it would be odd for it to only happen when they are alone with their father.

You don't have to find ways to validate why you don't want to live with this man any longer, you can you up and leave with your children.

He is abusive to you is enough reason for you to end the relationship.

Contact your local out of hours service - the number will be online- to report what has happened. This will log the incident and if a child protection medical is needed they will organise this for you. Take photos of the latest scratches. Ask him to leave the house immediately. Sounds like he acknowledges he has problems remaining calm so he needs to leave. He can go to family or friends. Do not leave the children alone with him. This demonstrates that you are taking proactive steps to safeguard the children.