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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scratches on 2 year olds shoulder and back

104 replies

Gettissuesgotissues · 09/04/2023 11:22

Left DP alone with the kids (2 and 6) for an hour. When I came back my toddler had scratch marks on his shoulder and back. Definitely weren't there before and looked fresh. DP said he can't recall any incident where this might have happened. Its not the first time, it also happened a few weeks ago, they were too deep for him to have done himself. AIBU to suspect he's done this? For context he does have anger problems and regularly shouts at the kids.

OP posts:
Ilovetea42 · 09/04/2023 15:26

If he's controlling and abusive to you and to your children and you suspect he is causing physical harm to your toddler when you're not there to watch then you leave. You ring women's aid and ask for emergency accommodation or you go stay with a friend or you ring the police and get him put out of the house and get the locks changed immediately. You do not sit on your hands and wait for 'proof' because proof in this instance is more obvious harm coming to your children. The fact you suspect him is enough, you don't need proof you don't trust him and this is the second time it's happened. Why would you allow a third? If something serious happens and you chose not to leave, chose to leave the kids with him and go out then that could be looked at as failure to protect on your part.

Zola1 · 09/04/2023 15:31

Gettissuesgotissues · 09/04/2023 15:21

Childrens services aren't picking up, but I will keep trying.

Well done im so glad you're doing this. Are you ringing the emergency number as it'll be the out of hours team on duty?

desqel · 09/04/2023 15:32
  1. He has hurt your child.
RedHelenB · 09/04/2023 15:35

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 09/04/2023 15:01

@RedHelenB yep, absolutely OP is making excuses. Why post here and traumatise others who'll then be thinking of the poor kid being hurt again. I get so annoyed at some women.

Tbh I'm hoping this isn't true.

Original poster
Gettissuesgotissues · 09/04/2023 15:37

Yep trying the out of hours no

OP posts:
uncomfortablydumb53 · 09/04/2023 15:38

Well done for ringing
You can also email pics to your usual SW so they have your concerns on record before Tuesday

summerlovingvibes · 09/04/2023 16:00

Not saying that this is it, but I found some fairly deep scratches on my DD2.5 back of neck a few nights ago. Last night I caught her in her sleep having a good old scratch and sure enough there are some quite back scratch marks this morning.

Nails have been trimmed now.

Just putting a different perspective / idea out there incase it is (accidentally) self inflicted.

Forgooodnesssakenow · 09/04/2023 16:09

Go to out of hours, you can SEE the scratches but what other harm might your child have come to that isn't visible? How do you know your child doesn't have other injuries?

MumOf2workOptions · 09/04/2023 16:37

thegrain · 09/04/2023 11:34

For context he does have anger problems and regularly shouts at the kids why are you leaving your kids with him

Exactly this
You are as bad as
Him for ignoring this issue!!!!!!

Phone the police and report it

Careerdilemma · 09/04/2023 16:50

Call police. They will pick up. And they can contact social services if needed.

TheOriginalEmu · 09/04/2023 17:54

JMSA · 09/04/2023 11:54

@TheOriginalEmu

Why weird? Have you missed the thread on here about a child being killed by her stepfather?

Children are killed by biological parents too. And siblings. And strangers. Assuming that an abusive person MUST be a step parent is a weird leap.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/04/2023 19:35

Gettissuesgotissues · 09/04/2023 15:37

Yep trying the out of hours no

Did you know there's a number that would get your child immediate help and safety from this abuser? It's even manned 24 hours a day, Easter Sunday, Bank Holiday Monday and Christmas/New Year included?

9 9 9

And then you ask for police and say 'I think my partner deliberately hurt my toddler today', you give your name and address and everything stops right there.

Or you wait for Tuesday and hope to God that he doesn't lose his shit with the baby tonight, tomorrow morning, tomorrow afternoon, tomorrow evening or tomorrow night whilst you're sleeping, in the toilet, in the bath or just taking dinner out of the oven. Because if he does and you have done nothing apart from text him about it, post on Mumsnet, ignore the advice and then half heartedly call anybody except the one organisation who is definitely going to be able to come immediately to your infant's rescue, you could find yourself charged with allowing his abuse to continue.

I really hope this is a windup, but as the media shows, all too often, it isn't

Original poster
Gettissuesgotissues · 09/04/2023 20:14

He's not going anywhere near any of the kids, and he'll be gone in a matter of days. If I was immediately concerned for any of our safety of course we'd leave and I'd call the police. I still don't know for sure what happened so I'm not creating unnecessary trauma for the kids by calling the police. I also have a relative staying.

OP posts:
violetskypurple · 09/04/2023 20:19

Gettissuesgotissues · 09/04/2023 20:14

He's not going anywhere near any of the kids, and he'll be gone in a matter of days. If I was immediately concerned for any of our safety of course we'd leave and I'd call the police. I still don't know for sure what happened so I'm not creating unnecessary trauma for the kids by calling the police. I also have a relative staying.

God forbid you protect your child from further abuse.. you have a relative staying!

Social services are involved because his anger is that bad, it's the second time this situation has happened whilst in his care, you know full well it was him.

Original poster
Gettissuesgotissues · 09/04/2023 20:26

As in my relative is fully aware of the situation and helping me to keep the kids safe.

OP posts:
winterchills · 09/04/2023 20:34

I actually think tho if it was him both kids at that age could tell you.
Even the toddler could say "daddy did" or similar jf he did. Likely they would tell u.

If your in doubt tho u defo need to talk to social services!

LiliLil · 09/04/2023 20:37

Do not question your children any more than you have already.

The facts are this man is abusive to you, and you have been so concerned about his anger that you have social services involvement.

Your child has unexplained marks that have occurred when you have not been present, on more than one occasion.

You do not know if there are any hidden injuries.

It is your responsibility as their mother to either speak to a medical professional to report it or to call the police. Waiting two days after you child has been abused because he’s going in a few days anyway, or you have a relative staying is not good enough and you know it. Protect your kids. Now.

Original poster
Gettissuesgotissues · 14/04/2023 20:19

So it seems it wasn't him after all. He's been gone a few days and toddler has fresh scratches on his back after being at nursery 🤔

OP posts:
CindersAgain · 15/04/2023 10:39

Oh OP. I’m not sure what to say.

Yellowrosesmakemehappy · 15/04/2023 15:40

Honestly if you question whether your partner would hurt your child, then fucking leave him.

This is ridiculous.

Whatabouteverything · 15/04/2023 16:05

Gettissuesgotissues · 14/04/2023 20:19

So it seems it wasn't him after all. He's been gone a few days and toddler has fresh scratches on his back after being at nursery 🤔

Doesn't matter. He's a twat anyway and I hope you've still got rid of him.

Wallaw · 15/04/2023 16:31

I'm a bit confused. In your first post, you said the scratches were fresh and that they definitely weren't there before. So does that mean you didn't see your 2 year old's shoulder between Friday and Sunday? Surely you'd have bathed them or helped get them changed for bed or dressed over that period of time?

Also, scratches on parts of the body that are normally covered, are a strange injury to get repeatedly (3 times). It sounds like whether it's nursery or home, you need to figure out what's happening and make a change.

Dilemma19 · 15/04/2023 17:03

Could your ds scratch himself in his sleep? Mine has eczema and he has been doing this in his sleep and it looks so bad. It's really bad. Mine is 6 though.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 15/04/2023 18:24

What steps are you putting in place before his return to protect yourself and your children?

TheFormidableMrsC · 15/04/2023 21:17

Gettissuesgotissues · 14/04/2023 20:19

So it seems it wasn't him after all. He's been gone a few days and toddler has fresh scratches on his back after being at nursery 🤔

You also said he couldn't confirm whether he'd inflicted them or not and that he'd hurt your child previously. So you still need to get rid 🤷🏻‍♀️