Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scratches on 2 year olds shoulder and back

104 replies

Gettissuesgotissues · 09/04/2023 11:22

Left DP alone with the kids (2 and 6) for an hour. When I came back my toddler had scratch marks on his shoulder and back. Definitely weren't there before and looked fresh. DP said he can't recall any incident where this might have happened. Its not the first time, it also happened a few weeks ago, they were too deep for him to have done himself. AIBU to suspect he's done this? For context he does have anger problems and regularly shouts at the kids.

OP posts:
Careerdilemma · 09/04/2023 12:27

Police can check his nails if you're quick. Plus take photos documenting injuries. You need this to minimise chances of unsupervised access

BooperKisses · 09/04/2023 12:29

My DP is well aware that shouting at my Ddog is totally a no-no … so using that as a guide as regards to your DC, I’d be kicking the bastards arse out the door, whilst ringing the police and any other agency I could think of!!
Absolutely NOT acceptable😡

1415isgreat · 09/04/2023 12:31

Of course if you think your children are in danger you need to report.

Just saying though, my 2 yo has random scratches on his back and he is in childcare whilst I work. Found it weird. Then one day he was with me and a fresh scratch appeared on his bottom. I still have no idea how they appear, but I absolutely don’t think he’s at risk. It could have happened when he was fighting his nappy change/getting out the bath etc.

Honeycomb22 · 09/04/2023 12:33

As another poster has said if you act today his nails can be checked. Do not tell him and give him the chance to scrub them. Your little ones dna could be under them which is absolute proof. If you dint act now and you leave then your partner will have every right to have unsupervised access to his children including overnight. You need to ensure this can’t happen. Act today while there is evidence.

RedHelenB · 09/04/2023 12:33

Gettissuesgotissues · 09/04/2023 12:22

He's leaving for his home country for a month in a couple of days. I'll be using this time to get an occupation/non molestation order.

Yes he is controlling and abusive towards me too.

Thanks for your advice about chasing SS. I will do this on Tuesday. But you're right, I don't know what else they can say, I know he needs to go. I guess I just need that extra validation that this is not OK, I'm not overeatcting to an innocent injury in this case.

I hadn't thought about any medical help from the point of view of getting it logged. But I have photos and a whatsapp conversation where he says he can't say for sure it wasn't him. I've been so beaten down over the years I have no confidence in my own judgment over this at this point.

You are making excuses.

viques · 09/04/2023 12:34

Please stop having babies with this man.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 09/04/2023 12:35

As SS are already involved due to his anger issues and he is abusive and controlling towards you, you must know this is already affecting your DC.
There may be a duty social worker today who can add this to your records. So contact or email with the photos today
I wouldn't wait a month for him to return to his home country
Is the house jointly owned or rented?
Can you stay with family until SS visit? The DC need to know you will keep them safe, as will SS.
He knows he did it, so don't give him the chance to hurt them again

MelroseGrainger · 09/04/2023 12:52

Why is everyone preoccupied with the children not being left alone with him? Abuse can - and does - happen when partners are also in the house. It only takes a moment for something awful to happen when he’s angry. And there’s no preventing it or stopping it UNLESS the OP gets herself and her children to a place of safety.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/04/2023 13:06

Gettissuesgotissues · 09/04/2023 12:00

I have photos from this time and last time, and have a relative visiting who I went for coffee with.

Social services are involved at my request because of his anger. When they finally get in touch with me I will be telling them all of this.

Don't be daft.

Call the police now and tell them you think he's deliberately hurt your child - his feet won't touch the ground and you'll be safe.

ApolloandDaphne · 09/04/2023 13:07

As an ex child protection SW I would say you need to flag this up today so your child can be looked at and a decision made on whether this needs to be investigated as abuse. The OOH SW will be able to make contact with the police and the correct procedures put in place. It will possibly end up being over chastisement rather than premeditated abuse but it can be noted as an abusive pattern of behaviour given his anger issues which are already known. Please act to protect your child. Doing nothing is not an option.

Rosula · 09/04/2023 13:08

Gettissuesgotissues · 09/04/2023 12:00

I have photos from this time and last time, and have a relative visiting who I went for coffee with.

Social services are involved at my request because of his anger. When they finally get in touch with me I will be telling them all of this.

Contact them again on Tuesday to tell them that the problem is escalating.

Rosula · 09/04/2023 13:09

Gettissuesgotissues · 09/04/2023 12:00

It's proving it was him though isn't it?

Even if it wasn't, he has failed to keep your child safe for the very short period he was in charge.

Rosula · 09/04/2023 13:10

He's leaving for his home country for a month in a couple of days. I'll be using this time to get an occupation/non molestation order.

Don't wait till then. Apart from anything else, the order doesn't take effect until it has been served on him, and obviously there could be all sorts of problems serving him out of the UK.

desqel · 09/04/2023 13:18

You need to protect your children NOW.

This means acting now by leaving or getting him removed from the home today. Contact police

PortiasBiscuit · 09/04/2023 13:21

Honestly OP, no man is honestly better than any man at all. Especially one that can’t cope for a few hours with his own bloody kids!
And that’s without the possibility of potential direct abuse.

misssunshine4040 · 09/04/2023 13:22

MelroseGrainger · 09/04/2023 12:52

Why is everyone preoccupied with the children not being left alone with him? Abuse can - and does - happen when partners are also in the house. It only takes a moment for something awful to happen when he’s angry. And there’s no preventing it or stopping it UNLESS the OP gets herself and her children to a place of safety.

I think it's the fact she knowingly left them alone with him when she has had to involve SS due to his temper and that she suspected he already harmed her child when he was unsupervised before.
I mean who does this?
Of course abuse can happen when she is also there but she had completely removed herself from being able to protect them

Dustybarn · 09/04/2023 13:45

If he is leaving for his home country shortly can you contact your social worker, make the necessary reports and then take the kids to your parents / other family until he is gone? If you need police to remove him the kids don’t need to see that.

CindersAgain · 09/04/2023 13:51

What happened last time?

Was that definitely him and not the six year old? If so, this looks pretty damning. Also this time are the scratches too far apart to be the six year old?

If yes to either, I’d be concluding that it was him.

Scratching a two year old is extremely worrying. It’s not as easily explained as pulling them a bit hard in frustration, or a smack on the bottom as a quick reaction. I’m not saying those are ok, but this is a level up from that. Really nasty and more deliberate.

SoShallINever · 09/04/2023 13:54

PinkLemonadee · 09/04/2023 12:14

I'd do cameras while I was sorting getting us all out of there.

Show quote history

Still I disagree, how is she going to install cameras? Put 3 kids in the car, go to Argos, (on Easter Sunday) buy cameras and install them?
Cameras won't stop abuse, they'll just record it.

No OP's priorities should be getting the child's injuries (however slight) assessed and then acting on the advice she is given by safeguarding at the walk in centre or hospital that she attends.

This is serious. Its not just a few scratches, a child has been abused (the father isn't denying it). There is a pattern of abuse. You cannot leave this man with your DC and you can't keep him apart from them for the next 18 years whilst you are living with him. He needs to get out and the Police will help with this.

MelroseGrainger · 09/04/2023 14:24

PinkLemonadee · 09/04/2023 12:14

I'd do cameras while I was sorting getting us all out of there.

Show quote history

You are giving consistently terrible and unhelpful advice, from wasting time setting up a daft sting operation on camera (while a child is abused) to telling the OP not to bother getting medical attention (and therefore SS attention) because she’ll be in the waiting room
for ages. Please step aside and let those with more sense give constructive support to this woman and her children.

2bazookas · 09/04/2023 14:44

Ask your six yr old if he knows a secret about how the toddler got scratched.

He's probably been told not to tell you; so watch his reaction carefully.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 09/04/2023 15:01

@RedHelenB yep, absolutely OP is making excuses. Why post here and traumatise others who'll then be thinking of the poor kid being hurt again. I get so annoyed at some women.

Original poster
Gettissuesgotissues · 09/04/2023 15:20

Because I wanted some support and advice, which other posters have given. Move on if you don't like it. There's one or two on every thread 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
Gettissuesgotissues · 09/04/2023 15:21

Childrens services aren't picking up, but I will keep trying.

OP posts: