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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend charged drinks and desserts to my hotel room.

583 replies

annaherrings · 09/04/2023 07:34

I was NY where we have an office (the company I work for that is). I was staying in a hotel (paid for by company). I had two friends from London who were in NY at the same time visiting for Easter break. They wanted to meet up and I invited them to my hotel for lunch/drinks. I do not expense my hotel charges as I never have work meetings at the hotel and our offices are where all meetings are held. We also eat out a lot and work pays for that. So I settle any incidentals bill myself - whereas the room is paid for.

We had lunch and everything was fine. I had to head back to my office so I settled up. The waiter asked what my room # was when I asked to charge it to the room as I had to go. So I told him/said it out loud. I signed the check/bill and left. Before leaving, the two girls said: 'We might stay for one more in the adjoining bar'. That was obviously fine. They are free to do what they want/go where they want.

Upon checking out; I see extra charges of 4 drinks and two desserts. Totalling $140 and I'm pretty sure two of the drinks were champagne. (It was a 5* hotel in Manhattan).

It stood out because I was only aware of the lunch total since it was the only thing I charged to my room throughout the entire stay. So it wasn't exactly hard to spot.

I asked the hotel for the actual receipt (the one which you sign your name/room # on). Sure enough, it wasn't my signature. They had even added on the 20% tip.

When I queried them (the girls) on it, they said the hotel staff (same waiter) immediately charged it to my room and didn't give them a chance to pay. They 'wanted' to tip (tipping is a big deal in the US) so they said they asked for a check/bill - and tipped via the room - meaning my card. Hence the receipt in front of me. They also wrote down my room # since they heard me say it out loud prior.

I do not believe they didn't have a chance to pay. If they really wanted to, they could have. They then said they assumed my work was paying (I work for a famous/large bank) so we aren't exactly short of company money - hence their 'assumption'.

They then said they did 'ask me' if it was ok to 'stay for one more at the adjoining bar' and that I was more than ok with it.

To clarify, they didn't 'ask' and moreover; no two grown women need to ask my permission as to where they can go. It is entirely up to them where they go and what they do.

I need up paying their bill as I didn't want any awkwardness. I haven't responded to their texts and TBH, I'd rather just never talk to them again. AIBU to think there was no misunderstanding here? I could never ever walk out of a place - 5* or not - and not pay. The audacity of charging anything to a friend's room - and not even telling them about it after the fact - is unbelievable to me. My DH says to drop it and leave it be and called it 'cheeky' but not worth losing friendships over. I suspect he just doesn't want to engage.

OP posts:
UnshakenNeedsStirring · 09/04/2023 09:29

They were CF. I hope you get your money back OP. Id drop them as friends. You dont need friends like this.

Dobby123456 · 09/04/2023 09:29

Werehalfwaythere · 09/04/2023 09:14

I think I would have thought everything was in the company. That's what I'd assume if someone settled a $300+ meal without asking me to contribute. I mean, I'm in my 30s and don't know anyone who could afford to pay a $300+ lunch bill themselves. You must be extremely well paid.

I suspect it was a misunderstanding initially. Now, at the prospect of paying $70 each for a pudding and two drinks, they're panicking. Especially on teacher salaries. Perhaps they're hoping, given you presumably earn a LOT more than them, that you may not mind paying in this instance.

I guess it depends where the misunderstanding came from. If you were crystal clear that the meal was over and anything else is paid by them, then YANBU, they are taking advantage of you.

But if it was possible they thought either the company was paying (or reimbursing you), or they thought you'd agreed to them having the pudding etc as part of the meal you offered to pay, then YABU to suddenly lump them with a large bill they didn't think they'd owe.

Why did you offer to pay for lunch? I think that's likely where the misunderstanding came from. Why didn't you all just meet up somewhere normally priced and pay your own way? It almost feels a bit tacky to pay for a meal, have to rush off, and then expect guests to then pay the rest. You either pay for the whole meal, or you meet up elsewhere and pay your own ways.

I think the first half of your post is fine. However, they asked 8f they could stay and order pudding. Adding on champagne was taking the piss!

Theluggage15 · 09/04/2023 09:29

Werehalfwaythere · 09/04/2023 09:24

@Theluggage15 I thought the same of your comment.

She already told them she was paying personally for the lunch, only an idiot would think a company would be paying anyway. I could settle a $300 bill myself as could many people. I wouldn’t dream of carrying on after the host had left unless I paid myself, how greedy to do otherwise. You sound just like them.

KittyAlfred · 09/04/2023 09:31

They obviously thought it was on expenses so decided to go crazy. It’s just a misunderstanding. They should pay you back, but whether you push for this or not depends on how much you need the money. If you’re minted then I’d probably leave it.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 09/04/2023 09:31

Brefugee · 09/04/2023 08:55

I used to travel a lot for work, lately part of my job in the accounting team has been approving expenses.

Generally (some companies may vary but most countries have similar rules about this because of tax issues): if you eat alone you pay. There may be more or less Per Diems (daily allowance) available. If you eat with colleagues and can convince the company that you discussed work, then usually you'll be able to expense it. Invite clients? have at it, but there may be limits depending on your/the clients position in the company.

But also. The hotel need to be aware this happened (i wouldn't have paid an invoice without my signature being on it - that's on the hotel).

And even if your friends thought you could expense it (i see they're teachers so may not have experience of expenses) the fact that they drank fucking champagne? no. That is CFery right there. Even if it's a genuine mistake you don't take the piss like this.

Expenses was a large part of my work at exjob, and receipts for entertainment were logged on the electronic system with a description of who you entertained, company they worked for and (briefly) what the meeting was about. And there were limits on spending depending on status in company (CEO could spend more than other people in certain areas).

Anything that didn't meet the criteria was rejected and not paid if the explanation didn't meet the procedures.

And even if your friends thought you could expense it (i see they're teachers so may not have experience of expenses) the fact that they drank fucking champagne? no. That is CFery right there. Even if it's a genuine mistake you don't take the piss like this

Used to work with a woman like this back in the 90s. Business class lounge on a business trip? champagne all round, company will pay. Complete freeloader. (Extended to other people's husbands, as well).

SoShallINever · 09/04/2023 09:32

Blimey, if one of my friends treated us to a $326 lunch in a five star hotel I'd be thrilled and wondering how I could Thank her, (maybe send flowers and a note/make her afternoon tea when we got home). No way would I be adding on extras at her expense.
You have done the right thing asking for the money back. Its not about the $140, (I'm sure you can easily afford that) it's about the bloody principle of their actions. Completely outrageous and not how friends behave.

Werehalfwaythere · 09/04/2023 09:32

Dobby123456 · 09/04/2023 09:29

I think the first half of your post is fine. However, they asked 8f they could stay and order pudding. Adding on champagne was taking the piss!

Show quote history

But it wouldn't be taking the piss if they thought OP was getting reimbursed.

That's why it's important to know how clear OP was about who was ultimately paying.

Werehalfwaythere · 09/04/2023 09:33

Theluggage15 · 09/04/2023 09:29

She already told them she was paying personally for the lunch, only an idiot would think a company would be paying anyway. I could settle a $300 bill myself as could many people. I wouldn’t dream of carrying on after the host had left unless I paid myself, how greedy to do otherwise. You sound just like them.

Show quote history

You sound a little defensive to be honest, this is AIBU. Not Judge Judy.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 09/04/2023 09:33

My DH says to drop it and leave it be and called it 'cheeky' but not worth losing friendships over. I suspect he just doesn't want to engage

If he doesn't mind having freeloaders and pisstakers as friends. Is he paying or are you?

NemoandDoris · 09/04/2023 09:33

Brefugee · 09/04/2023 08:44

so many people have absolutely no idea how expenses work. So being charitable they may have honestly thought your company would pay.

But point out to them what you have told us here, and tell them to pay you back.
But. Honestly? they won't and the friendship is tainted. But they don't care because they've got their NY trip out of you

This is absolutely spot on. Expenses do get manually checked, verified and signed off, every expenditure has to be accounted for. So many people think you can just add on what you like and it gets absorbed into a big pot.

The waiter would have asked for the bill to be paid, they should not have been allowed to charge it to your room. I had this once where a complete random charge was on my room and the signature (& name) was a complete stranger (and a bloke!). The hotel immediately removed it from my account when challenged.

Original poster
annaherrings · 09/04/2023 09:35

Werehalfwaythere · 09/04/2023 09:14

I think I would have thought everything was in the company. That's what I'd assume if someone settled a $300+ meal without asking me to contribute. I mean, I'm in my 30s and don't know anyone who could afford to pay a $300+ lunch bill themselves. You must be extremely well paid.

I suspect it was a misunderstanding initially. Now, at the prospect of paying $70 each for a pudding and two drinks, they're panicking. Especially on teacher salaries. Perhaps they're hoping, given you presumably earn a LOT more than them, that you may not mind paying in this instance.

I guess it depends where the misunderstanding came from. If you were crystal clear that the meal was over and anything else is paid by them, then YANBU, they are taking advantage of you.

But if it was possible they thought either the company was paying (or reimbursing you), or they thought you'd agreed to them having the pudding etc as part of the meal you offered to pay, then YABU to suddenly lump them with a large bill they didn't think they'd owe.

Why did you offer to pay for lunch? I think that's likely where the misunderstanding came from. Why didn't you all just meet up somewhere normally priced and pay your own way? It almost feels a bit tacky to pay for a meal, have to rush off, and then expect guests to then pay the rest. You either pay for the whole meal, or you meet up elsewhere and pay your own ways.

The meal was well and truly over. No one was rushing or stressed in any way. I told them in advance that I had to go back to work post lunch - and we had ample time. (They came to me as they were literally a few blocks away).

I didn't mind paying for lunch at all. It was on my personal card and nothing to do with the company at all. We were well and truly done. So much so that WE HAD DESSERT TOGETHER! I asked for the check/signed it etc... we couldn't have been more done with lunch.

One of them wanted to use the bathroom, which to get to - meant you had to go past the bar they ended up going to. When she came back, she asked me about it and I told her it was more of a lounge bar/chilled vibe - and we were in the dining area obviously.

That's when she said she wanted to check it out. The other friend was none the wiser as she hadn't walked past it yet.

The adjoining bar (which opens after lunch - and closes late) was a separate place with its own name - but part of the same hotel.

There was no misinterpretation that it was the 'same check' nor a continuation of the lunch in any way at all. There was also NO: 'Yes, of course - do check it out and charge all the drinks and (extra) dessert to my room/card!'

OP posts:
Theluggage15 · 09/04/2023 09:36

Werehalfwaythere · 09/04/2023 09:33

You sound a little defensive to be honest, this is AIBU. Not Judge Judy.

Show quote history

What on earth are you talking about?

Peachy2005 · 09/04/2023 09:36

“ Before leaving, the two girls said: 'We might stay for one more in the adjoining bar'. That was obviously fine. They are free to do what they want/go where they want.”

@Dobby123456 you are writing fiction. They didn’t ask if they could stay and order pudding 🤣

BillyDeanisnotmylover · 09/04/2023 09:36

It’s entirely possible that if they were a bit tipsy they just agreed to the waiter putting the bill on your tab rather than deliberately not paying. It’s sneaky, however, that they didn’t mention it and are now making excuses. Benefit of the doubt, they didn’t think it was much, hoped it would be picked up by your company, convinced themselves it was still part of your lunch offer etc.
I’d say if they pay up with no fuss and apologise for the misunderstanding, then let it go. Hopefully they’ll reciprocate with a lunch/drinks for you soon to make up for it.
If, however, they carry on trying to duck and weave, they’re not your friends.

Kisskiss · 09/04/2023 09:36

I would give them the benefit of the doubt- assume they didn’t understand you paid for lunch personally, and that expenses don’t cover that sort of thing.
hopefully they transfer what they OWE you- 70 usd each for a lunch plus drinks and dessert is not terrible . If they dont do it, they are cf and users and who needs friends like that…

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 09/04/2023 09:37

This is absolutely spot on. Expenses do get manually checked, verified and signed off, every expenditure has to be accounted for. So many people think you can just add on what you like and it gets absorbed into a big pot

I temped for a company that wouldn't pay for alcohol (offshore oil co, engineers couldn't drink while travelling to or working on a rig so to make it fair that was extended to everyone). I had to check every bar receipt and the stuff people tried to sneak through was amazing. Like 'Baltica' on receipts for a trip to Russia. Sounds OK to most people, soft drink or something - except I'd been to Russia and knew Baltica is beer. Expense accountants really need their wits about them.

Original poster
annaherrings · 09/04/2023 09:37

Werehalfwaythere · 09/04/2023 09:32

But it wouldn't be taking the piss if they thought OP was getting reimbursed.

That's why it's important to know how clear OP was about who was ultimately paying.

Show quote history

Please read all my posts - in which I made it clear I was paying for lunch personally (after they were joking about the 'perks' of the job etc...)

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 09/04/2023 09:37

If your friend offered to buy you lunch and zizzis, and left after main saying she needed to rush home for XYZ, and you said "ok, is it ok if we stay for pudding?" And she says yes, wouldn't you assume she's paying, given she offered to buy you lunch?

No.

mumda · 09/04/2023 09:39

It cost you $140 to find out they're twats.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 09/04/2023 09:39

(after they were joking about the 'perks' of the job etc...)

In that case I think your chances of getting the money back are 50/50 at most. They clearly think expenses are a bottomless pot and they're entitled to help themselves.

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/04/2023 09:40

Buying champagne. Obviously cheeky fuckers trying it on

TheCentreSlide · 09/04/2023 09:41

Let’s hope they pay up with their tails between their legs.

If not then absolutely dump them. The shocked face emoji was childish and manipulative of them. They’re shocked at their own behaviour as if it’s…your fault?! Idiots.

RealHousewifeofExhaustion · 09/04/2023 09:41

annaherrings · 09/04/2023 09:37

Please read all my posts - in which I made it clear I was paying for lunch personally (after they were joking about the 'perks' of the job etc...)

Show quote history

You are onto a hiding to nothing if you are going to start responding to people who CBA to read your (perfectly clear) posts

YANBU at all. They actually had to go to an adjoining bar so weren't even in the same spot you had lunch? They are so rude to behave like that!

SequinsandStilettos · 09/04/2023 09:42

£66.37 each is what they owe you

Thebigblueballoon · 09/04/2023 09:43

So they’d actually already had dessert?! But decided to order extra dessert plus drinks?
This isn’t even about the money… they are opportunist users and they are absolutely not your friends. I’d never engage with them again, nor would I use my energy to explain to them how utterly awful they are.