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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU for refusing to buy something for DNieces new home?

131 replies

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 08/04/2023 16:09

Am I in the wrong for refusing to buy something for DNieces new home?

Have a difficult relationship with her, over the years she's lied to us & used us for money with the promise of paying us back. I would be there for her and spend hours on the phone till silly o'clock despite having to get up with my own children when she was upset. She cut me off two years ago due to a family rift that didn't concern me.

I left her to it. A few weeks ago DS7 nearly died, it's been the most stressful & most darkest periods of my life. Luckily he's okay now, but needs to be on medication for life and can slip into a coma or have complications if he's not well looked after.

She rang me out of the blue whilst I was in hospital asked about ds7 for one minute before turning the conversation onto herself and about her moving into her first home. I made my excuses and got off the phone fast. Didn't reach out as clear it's still all about her.

Qeue her messaging me saying she was really struggling for certain household items (expensive items not just like a few cooking pots!) and needed all the help she could get basically hinting expecting me to pay.
I steered the conversation away and said about ds7 and she kept bringing it back to herself saying she was the most stressed she's been in her whole life (despite me nearly loosing her cousin!) so in the end I said truthfully I didn't have any money right now after going back & fourth to the hospital and medical supplies.
She then blanked me.

Another family member says I should help her even if it's something small.
AIBU to think absolutely fucking not?

OP posts:

Imridiculous · 08/04/2023 16:13

YANBU. She’s a CF!

Youve been through an awful time, I’m glad DS is now okay & hope the medication continues to work well for him.

SeulementUneFois · 08/04/2023 16:13

You need to go very very low contact with this woman. She's not a good one.
And definitely not to expend money or effort on her

CleaningOutMyCloset · 08/04/2023 16:15

Nope, stay very low contact and don't spend a penny on her

JimmyDurham · 08/04/2023 16:18

It would never occur to me for one minute to buy anything for my neices or nephews new homes. Why on earth should I? Forget it. She's a right CF!

twoshedsjackson · 08/04/2023 16:19

Nice to know that another family member is "concerned" enough to speak up for her; that means there's somebody else else to step into the breach.
Stand firm.

Original poster

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 08/04/2023 16:20

Honestly I'm so upset by it all especially the in laws saying I should help her with something small. Like why would I when she's not even bothered in years or even cares about my son? She seems to think now he's out of hospital he's fine but he's not he needs daily injections around 5-6 times a day with constant monitoring through out the day and night. It's made me feel even more stressed out than I already am.

OP posts:

Comfies · 08/04/2023 16:22

Oh for goodness sake. Of course yanbu! They are absolutely nuts if they think you are.

Stay strong and focus on your own dcs

Bonjovispjs · 08/04/2023 16:22

Bloody hell, that's awful. I'd block her on everything, you don't need that level of selfishness in your life, personally I'd have nothing to do with her.

HomeTheatreSystem · 08/04/2023 16:22

Definitely keep her and her cheer leading flying monkey family member at arm's length. You have more pressing priorities now. If they bug you again, just tell them your son is your all-consuming priority now and not self-centred family members.

DomPom47 · 08/04/2023 16:24

Wouldn’t even send her a card. No bloody way!

ReluctantFishLady · 08/04/2023 16:24

Why does your niece feel like you are financially responsible for her? I wouldn't offer more than a card and a plant for a family members new home.

Original poster

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 08/04/2023 16:29

ReluctantFishLady · 08/04/2023 16:24

Why does your niece feel like you are financially responsible for her? I wouldn't offer more than a card and a plant for a family members new home.

I have no idea! I wouldn't dream of expecting my aunts & uncles to pay for me I remember moving into my first home and having second hand furniture for years and having to sit on the floor for the first few weeks as couldn't afford a sofa!

Just maddness, she's even told me her dad refuses to help her and it's cruel like it's some kind of hint if you don't help me im going to bad mouth you.

OP posts:

twoshedsjackson · 08/04/2023 16:29

I see from your update that the inlaws are the flying monkeys.
Is your niece by any chance the favoured grandchild, daughter of a golden child sibling? Somewhere along the line she has gained a self-centered sense of entitlement.
I meant to say in my first post; I hope your DS has a wonderful Easter, and better health in the future.

CKL987 · 08/04/2023 16:31

Not something that has ever been thought about in our family. Don't even do cards. Forget it.

Noicant · 08/04/2023 16:31

Block her, people like that will literally suck the life out of you. Anyone who thinks she needs something can buy it for her instead of rummaging around in your pockets. I’m sorry your son is so unwell OP 💐 wish him the best.

Slimjimtobe · 08/04/2023 16:32

Your poor little boy - I hope he will be ok

you literally don’t need this user of a person (regardless of being a niece) taking more of your precious time and money

SmallAngryPenguinWoman · 08/04/2023 16:33

Yanbu
Don't give her a penny of your money, or a moment of your time! Look after your own family, especially your DS. Glad to hear he's better now, wishing him well. It is a tough time for you all learning to adjust. 💐

Marchforward · 08/04/2023 16:35

This is what Facebook pass it on pages are for.

BumpityFlip · 08/04/2023 16:35

If your son has t1d, I just want to say, it gets easier. Hang in there.

WheelsUp · 08/04/2023 16:37

Yanbu

Was the person who you said you should help niece's parent or someone also ducking her begging calls? If they are so concerned then they can buy the stuff she needs.
If she's old enough to move into a new home then she's far too old to behave like this.

I am happy to hear that ds is better. I wish him and you the very best.

Nottodayicant · 08/04/2023 16:40

The NECK of her OP! Absolutely not. You have been through the mill and here she is with her begging phone calls. She can feck off.

HumourReplacementTherapy · 08/04/2023 16:41

Ignore her. Tell your db/dsis to tell their daughter to leave you alone.
If your son has just been diagnosed with T1 I promise it will all become second nature and pretty quickly. Did you post on here about it at the time? Glad to hear he's doing ok now it must have all been very frightening.

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 08/04/2023 16:41

No, of course you don't need to give her your money, your time, or your attention. She can jog on.
But as for her not understanding what your son is living with - she's not unusual. Ds2 has Type 1 diabetes. The World and it's Aunt's pet crocodile all think that this is a bit sad because he can't eat cake (not true) but otherwise no big deal. I have given up explaining that the injections are the easy part.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 08/04/2023 16:42

Noicant · 08/04/2023 16:31

Seconded.

Original poster

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 08/04/2023 16:44

BumpityFlip · 08/04/2023 16:35

If your son has t1d, I just want to say, it gets easier. Hang in there.

Thank you I hope so, his pancreas isn't helping coming back to life the honeymoon period sucks he keeps hypoing in the night. I don't think I've slept properly in months.

OP posts:

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