AIBU for refusing to buy something for DNieces new home?

[MeMyBooksAndMyCats]

Am I in the wrong for refusing to buy something for DNieces new home?

Have a difficult relationship with her, over the years she's lied to us & used us for money with the promise of paying us back. I would be there for her and spend hours on the phone till silly o'clock despite having to get up with my own children when she was upset. She cut me off two years ago due to a family rift that didn't concern me.

I left her to it. A few weeks ago DS7 nearly died, it's been the most stressful & most darkest periods of my life. Luckily he's okay now, but needs to be on medication for life and can slip into a coma or have complications if he's not well looked after.

She rang me out of the blue whilst I was in hospital asked about ds7 for one minute before turning the conversation onto herself and about her moving into her first home. I made my excuses and got off the phone fast. Didn't reach out as clear it's still all about her.

Qeue her messaging me saying she was really struggling for certain household items (expensive items not just like a few cooking pots!) and needed all the help she could get basically hinting expecting me to pay.
I steered the conversation away and said about ds7 and she kept bringing it back to herself saying she was the most stressed she's been in her whole life (despite me nearly loosing her cousin!) so in the end I said truthfully I didn't have any money right now after going back & fourth to the hospital and medical supplies.
She then blanked me.

Another family member says I should help her even if it's something small.
AIBU to think absolutely fucking not?

Buy your little one a treat instead . . . cuddly bunny or if he's too old for that, a book or something.

What an absolute tw*t she is!! Echoing others, I’d seriously consider blocking her or at least going low contact. How old is this horrible ‘girl’. I can’t believe she’s being so self-cantered when you’re going through such a difficult time.
Personally, I’d block her for the time being. But not before sending her a strongly-worded text or email pointing out how entitled and bad her behaviour is.

But she doesn't WANT something small. She wants the expensive items she was telling you about. If you got her something small she'd be as enraged as if you got her nothing at all; possibly even more so.

The only small thing I'd be offering would be a middle finger 😡

I'm all for family helping out. We're not wealthy so the best we would hear in my circles is 'if you know anyone getting rid of a cheap wardrobe let X know'. I have a niece who will probably be thinking about getting her own home after graduation. I might buy her a housewarming present. She would not dream of asking, and neither would her parents....and I like her!

I'd help her by texting her a list of freebie websites.

Are you really well off or something?

I can’t ever imagine expecting a family member to buy me something.

My fridge freezer is broken and my washing machine is on the way out. I’ve not thought once about asking someone to help me and I’d never expect it like it’s someone else’s problem.

Absolutely stick to your guns.

I personally would try and avoid her and if she brings it up tell her about gumtree and other sites that she can look to see if there’s any second hand.

Just block her on everything. You don’t need the stress that she brings.

I would message her and say you've ordered something for the kitchen and it should be delivered within the next few days and she may need to stay in for the delivery. I would send a toast rack.

Actually I would just ignore her.

She's apparently back tracking now saying she didn't mean it like that she was just stressed and ranting like it's okay to rant at someone whose already stressed to the max with actual real problems. 🤨
I've blocked her I can't be bothered with it. I didn't sleep till late as it stressed me out and as a result had 4 hours sleep with my sons checks on top.

she's even told me her dad refuses to help her

Somewhat telling don't you think? Obviously he's fed up of being expected to put his hand in his pocket every time she wants something.

Cheap as chips

I’d send her a dolls house version of something expensive she has asked for.

Nope.

You have to know that you're not. Why are you even entertaining this nonsense?

Just had an argument now with the flying monkey.
Told them that I'm under enough stress and niece should of considered that and I don't have the funds, told that niece doesn't understand about DS and doesn't know how much money we have as not been around and I should spend £50 on a mircowave for her.

Told her if I asked my own aunts & uncles they'd tell me to piss off, now they're not talking to me. 🤣

Oh hell NO!

If FM wants niece to have a microwave so badly, FM can buy it for her.

You don't want to buy her anything, & how much money you do or don't have is immaterial & nobody's business but yours & your DH's.

My brother bought me a washing machine when I left my ex. But he offered and I was really greatful. I wouldn't have even considered asking him even though I was skint. Sounds like she's all take and gives nothing back in return. YANBU

For goodness sake, please don’t cave to the pressure… you are NOT being unreasonable. Ignore and focus on your DS. Pleased to hear he is doing better. Xx

Don't give in to any FMs. Otherwise, she will constantly be asking for handouts.

Would, "I don't care if niece has a microwave or not," work as a final answer? I'm guessing it's what you feel on the topic.

Exactly! I'm so annoyed, like why is it anyone else's responsibility apart from nieces.
Flying monkey brought her a big ticket item so I guess that's why they think everyone else should chip in as for not understanding how stressed I am over DS how is him nearly dying and having his blood turn to TOXIC ACID not understandingly stressful?!
I'm getting even more annoyed and worked up.

Cf, s the lot of them. You've got enough on your plate with your son. Disregard the lot of them.

ignore and move on. Don’t get yourself even more wound up by spending time dwelling on it. No is no, just tell them that. The more you argue with them, the more they might feel there is space to negotiate.

Try not to get worked up. This is a tiny problem for you, compared to your son's health needs right now. And in this tiny problem, you already hold all the power: nobody can MAKE you give the niece anything. It's 100% your decision, under your control. And your DH agrees with you, which is huge in these family situations.

You sound a lovely & generous person, so I guess not giving is hard for you on some level. But not giving is perfectly acceptable: you've already helped your niece a lot, she's only got in touch because she wants something, she's not listening to you or seeing your real situation, there's no obligation on you to do anything. And FMs who are free with other people's money are appalling.