AIBU for refusing to buy something for DNieces new home?

[MeMyBooksAndMyCats]

Am I in the wrong for refusing to buy something for DNieces new home?

Have a difficult relationship with her, over the years she's lied to us & used us for money with the promise of paying us back. I would be there for her and spend hours on the phone till silly o'clock despite having to get up with my own children when she was upset. She cut me off two years ago due to a family rift that didn't concern me.

I left her to it. A few weeks ago DS7 nearly died, it's been the most stressful & most darkest periods of my life. Luckily he's okay now, but needs to be on medication for life and can slip into a coma or have complications if he's not well looked after.

She rang me out of the blue whilst I was in hospital asked about ds7 for one minute before turning the conversation onto herself and about her moving into her first home. I made my excuses and got off the phone fast. Didn't reach out as clear it's still all about her.

Qeue her messaging me saying she was really struggling for certain household items (expensive items not just like a few cooking pots!) and needed all the help she could get basically hinting expecting me to pay.
I steered the conversation away and said about ds7 and she kept bringing it back to herself saying she was the most stressed she's been in her whole life (despite me nearly loosing her cousin!) so in the end I said truthfully I didn't have any money right now after going back & fourth to the hospital and medical supplies.
She then blanked me.

Another family member says I should help her even if it's something small.
AIBU to think absolutely fucking not?

I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with your entire (inlaw?) family, but you should block the lot of them.

They’re absolutely mental.

It sounds from you messages that your son has been diagnosed with T1D and I just wanted to tell you I've been there with my DD aged 16. It gets easier but initially its a huge shock and tbh I think you grieve in a way. Its a massive thing to understand. There a lots of very supportive FB groups. At the moment your focus should be on your son and helping him to deal with it. It sounds as if other family members aren't being overly supportive if your situation which is very tough.

YANBU she is a CF and needs to fund her own things. What an utter nerve, I’m afraid you were a lot more polite than I would have been. A fuck off often offends but makes the point.

Buy her a card...sorted !!!!@

Tell her to do one. A grown adult who can buy her own stuff or her parents can. What a joker!

CF and the flying monkey is too.
I'd ignore DN for a while - after all, she's not that bothered about contact with you as she previously cut you off and just seems to use you for money.
I'd just keep saying the same thing to flying monkey "We don't have the money so we won't be buying DN a microwave". Whatever she comes back with just keep repeating it, "As I said, we don't have the money so we won't be buying the microwave". Don't say anything else - just the same thing over and over again, calmly and firmly.
And if she persists I'd be having less contact with her too.

An eggcup is “something small”

Buy her a plant and ignore.

Op you poor thing and your poor son. She is a total user- she really has shown her true colours and if she decided to fall out with you over not buying something it would be doing you a big favour! I would be cutting her loose and equally not even entertaining the in-laws about it! I’m glad your son is doing better.

Wait, so FM is expecting you to buy luxury items for CFN when you've just had to replace the fridge (a life or death necessity in the circumstances) and are saving up to replace your broken bed? How about CFN buys YOU some necessary household items instead? Just because you're older doesn't mean you're richer!

I'm even more 😡than I was last time I commented on this thread. You have some spectacularly unempathetic relatives.

Praying for your son what a scary ordeal.

I’d say bye to the niece. Absolute last thing you need to waste time worrying about. She sounds so far up her own arse she can barely see the light of day.

take care OP

Block.

Some people are gross, get rid of them

Just because somebody is related to you by blood doesn't mean you have a duty to give so much as a single f* about them. I utterly despise one of my cousins for instance, and wouldn't acknowledge her even if she sat next to me on a bus. (Not difficult because I no longer have a clue what she looks like ... )

You didn't choose your niece, why should she mean anything to you? Especially as she's behaved abominably in the past.

If you wouldn't give a house-warming gift to anyone else you disliked, why would you do it for her?

I think your most sensible and self-protecting course of action is to go totally no contact with any of those relatives.

They clearly don't care about you, only what they can get from you. If that wasn't the case, they'd have immediately asked what they could do to help you while you were staying with your little guy in hospital and unable to do the usual necessary things you'd be doing at home; they'd also appreciate the stress and fear you've been suffering and take on tasks for you to let you have a bit of wind-down time.

btw a close friend's son was diagnosed with T1D as a child. He's now in his 20's and enjoying a very full life. Please don't feel scared even though it's a tough one for you to accept and deal with just now.💐

Type 1 gets easier just hang in there. It’s overwhelming and daunting to begin with but with correct management (which will quickly become second nature to you all) he will live a normal life - it is not life limiting. The technology has moved along amazingly and they seem to be coming close to curing it. You feel very alone at the start but it is a relatively common disease, so reach out and use local support groups. Talking to other parents of type 1s and talking to type 1 adults really really does help lighten the load.

Block her number now!!!

I’m glad you’ve blocked the niece. I’d be going low contact with the flying monkey Ann’s I wouldn’t have him or her in my home again.

Where is her mother? Why do you feel you need to step in like she is your child.

Thanks everyone, flying monkey has made it very clear they think I'm made of money even had the cheek to moan I didn't buy them an Easter egg when I haven't even brought my own children a Easter egg this year! 🤦🏻‍♀️

No idea where nieces mother is, haven't spoken to her in a good four years and don't plan to again either. Niece is very much like her mother.

Ironically not heard of niece again, so it's clear as DAY she just wanted money. I won't be wasting any of my time on her again, I can just see future dramas unfolding and her asking for help with bills etc in the near future.
Told flying monkey again that she's not my child and certainly not my responsibility.

If you get any further messages dont respond.

she will be able to get some items on the recycle pages on Facebook or sit on a cushion on the floor for a few weeks until she can afford to buy items.

the fact she blocked you for two years, then unblocked and started asking for stuff like you owe her takes the P. Who does she think she is. A card and a house plant is all i send

Quite aside from your son's health problems and your own tight finances...

She's used you for money and lied about paying it back, she's a ligger and she deserves nothing.

It's easy for other people to say, but try to take a deep breath, relax and forget about her and her unreasonable demands. And those of family members.

You need to think of yourself and your own family and to put the wasters aside. If they stop contact, what have you lost? A stone around your neck.

Best wishes!

Oh OP, I feel your pain. My daughter was diagnosed 2 years ago and also almost died. There are some wonderful support groups on Facebook and one for helping you apply for support at school etc. shout if you need anything x

As for your niece…. Not a chance…
when I bought a house my uncle and Aunt gave me a £20 voucher which I bought an iron with.
my other aunts and uncles didn’t. And I didn’t expect it!
its so rude of her to ask !! A gift should be given willingly and not expected!

Flying monkey needs a reality check, what a batshit thing to do, hassling you about this when you have a sick child who is far more important. Bonkers, the lot of them. I hope you manage to get some rest and little one stabilises.

Your message is a great example of the Best of Mumsnet 🌻