AIBU for refusing to buy something for DNieces new home?

[MeMyBooksAndMyCats]

Am I in the wrong for refusing to buy something for DNieces new home?

Have a difficult relationship with her, over the years she's lied to us & used us for money with the promise of paying us back. I would be there for her and spend hours on the phone till silly o'clock despite having to get up with my own children when she was upset. She cut me off two years ago due to a family rift that didn't concern me.

I left her to it. A few weeks ago DS7 nearly died, it's been the most stressful & most darkest periods of my life. Luckily he's okay now, but needs to be on medication for life and can slip into a coma or have complications if he's not well looked after.

She rang me out of the blue whilst I was in hospital asked about ds7 for one minute before turning the conversation onto herself and about her moving into her first home. I made my excuses and got off the phone fast. Didn't reach out as clear it's still all about her.

Qeue her messaging me saying she was really struggling for certain household items (expensive items not just like a few cooking pots!) and needed all the help she could get basically hinting expecting me to pay.
I steered the conversation away and said about ds7 and she kept bringing it back to herself saying she was the most stressed she's been in her whole life (despite me nearly loosing her cousin!) so in the end I said truthfully I didn't have any money right now after going back & fourth to the hospital and medical supplies.
She then blanked me.

Another family member says I should help her even if it's something small.
AIBU to think absolutely fucking not?

Sorry to hear about your son, I hope things become easier soon.
Your niece is incredibly cheeky as is the other family member who is pestering you.
Block them both and be done with them. X

Hell no, don't buy her f all. My twins are both type one and aged nine. I have learnt with all the stress of it to get rid of the users in my life who put stress on me.
It does get easier I promise you. We are on year six xx

Totally agree with all of this. Plus if you let the FMs work, they'll keep coming at you every time she feels like sending one.

The "send her a wooden spoon" comment did make me laugh but I honestly wouldn't even send her a card after this.

I’d cut her out of your life completely.
She is a self absorbed, mercenary cf who clearly doesn’t give a damn about you or your ds. She is only interested in what she can get from you, and I would not give her a penny nor a second more of your time and energy.

The fact that she is getting her own house says she is FAR old enough to realize you just almost lost your son. She's horrible badgering you about appliances at this time! Cut her out of your life

Block the flying monkey too. You don’t need this bullshit and they can both get to fuck. If your niece is old enough to have her own flat she’s old enough to know a child nearly dying takes up all a mother’s time and mentally capacity, she isn’t a child and it’s ridiculous of this other relative to try and excuse her selfish actions .

Honestly no you don't have to do anything. She has come back into your life purely for selfish reasons. Your priority has changed and I wouldn't feel bad for even a second. She needs to sort herself out. There are lots of groups and charities that can help people if they are in genuine need it doesn't need to fall on you.

If they are this vile and selfish (and stupid) then this won’t be the last of it, so please block them all - your emotions and energy and headspace is needed elsewhere now.

YANBU.

Bollocks to all of them, her parents included.

You have been through something terrifying where you nearly lost your child WITHIN THE LAST FEW WEEKS and they are grumbling about you not buying her stuff?

Focus on yourself, and looking after your little one. You're going through enough without a spoilt so and so treating you like an uncooperative wallet.

I wish you and your DS all the best, that he feels better and has a long, happy life. T1d needs a lot of care and management but it will become second nature in time and he will still get to do so much with his life. Best wishes OP 💐

Sending best wishes to you and Cats junior.
The only thing that girl needs is a bottle of Brasso for her brass neck.

Can't block the flying monkey, I said it to their face as they were sat on my sofa while I was stressing over DS blood sugars going low yet again!
They sat there in silence for a good twenty minutes before going home.
I'm furious. If they mention niece again I'm going to scream shut up, that's how pissed off I am they know I've just brought a god damn fridge for ds insulin as my normal one leaks and they know I've been sleeping on a broken bed for over a year but oh no spend £50 I don't have on CF niece. Oh the rage. 🙈😂

I’m sorry you are going through all of this. It is not normal to be pressured into buying something for someone’s home - it’s ridiculous!

I hope you get some rest soon and hope your ds stabilises.

Then keep them out of your home. They don’t get invited and they don’t get let in if they turn up. Your DH needs to be completely on board and keep them away from the family.

Op what an awful lot for you and your son and family to deal with.
I would have no contact with her at all. I wouldn't even talk to the in-laws about her and pretend she's not even there. So very selfish. Put her out of your mind and concentrate on your little ones
Good luck to you x

“That you thought it was appropriate to bring up niece AND demand I spend $50 on her when every last inch of my being is focused on keeping my son ALIVE says all I need to know about you. Don’t contact me again. You’re not welcome in my life.”

I’d nuke that bridge from orbit and whizz on the ashes. Preferably after chaining the in-law to a post first

This OP

Send her a card congratulating her on her new home and wishing her the best. That's really all that necessary.

T1D is a bastard no matter how long you’ve been diagnosed so please give yourself time to get used to the new normal. My T1 still has days with 30 doses of manual insulin despite a pump and cgm. People who don’t live with it don’t get it (or they know someone who does the bare minimum). Never an easy condition to manage.

Your priority is your son. Why has none of her/your family not told her to leave u alone whilst u are going through such a tough time? The only reason she should be making contact is to see how he is and to offer support.

I think your being perfectly reasonable; but let’s be fair but her a moving into her new home card 29p from card factory & a venous fly trap plant because that’s all the selfish little witch deserves; she sounds like she’s a self absorbed; manipulating; scheming bitch who has no morals what so ever;
why does she think your responsible for buying her house items?
Why isn’t she going to her parents?
Why are your in-laws pushing for you to do this?
Are you absolutely loaded & the family see you & Dh as cash cows?
All of your time & energy needs to be focused on your Ds who’s been so poorly not done air head who thinks she entitled to ask everyone to supplement her lifestyle xx

Nope. You aren't being unreasonable. I wouldn't help her.

No no and no. And while you are at it ask the family member that thinks you should to put their hand into their pocket and pay for what your niece wants

I have 26 aunts and uncles. Not one has ever given me a new home present - it's surely not a thing!

All fingers crossed your little boy is doing better soon, OP. He is the only important thing right now x

Give her absolutely nothing she's a cheeky twat for even asking after the fallout you mentioned never mind after nearly losing your son

Hon you have so much going on right now, just ignore her and don't give her anything for her to be house, CF!