Housing dilemmas & rejecting offer

[worldcupfan]

Hello everyone,

I have posted about this before and I'm going to ask MHQ to remove the thread after as it is very identifying. But I am having second thoughts of accepting a council flat offer and I'm worried about the repercussions if I accept. In any case, I will have to let the council know my decision by next week.

To give a background. My 12 year old DS and I currently live in a very very small 1 bed private accommodation due to fleeing DV many many moons ago. We have been on the council list for approx.10 years. We have a direct offer (because another person friend it down) for a council property. It is like a terrace flat (?) it has three floors. I've been going back and forth with my decision but I think I am going to decline. Here are my reasons;

1. The flat just has stairs. There's no landing ( apart from the hallway) as soon as you go up the stairs, you go straight into a room. The walls going up to to the stairs are quite narrow- almost like a claustrophobic feel. (however, the rooms are big). But the bathroom is all the way downstairs and is very small.

2.After you accept a property, you have 4 weeks to move in. There is no flooring, or anything, the property is very bare and in need of repairs . I am concerned about the costs, considering that DS is Autistic and has horrendous meltdowns and flooring and soundproofing is my concern. For example, if I wanted to have carpet to reduce noise, where do I put this? In the landing, living room, stairs and the bedrooms? What about laminate as I cannot afford to put carpet and sound proofing in every room.

1. I am worried about the security of the housing. For example, the bedrooms are un the top floor and the front door is three floors down. I am currently going through the court process as DS's dad is requesting access to see his DS. I am worried about my ex founding out where we live. DS travels to some places on his own (school and to the local shops). If DS's dad has access, I'm worried that his dad may follow him home and would find out where we live- or worse DS will tell him (as he looks up to his dad and doesn't try to defy him).

Therefore, I'm at loss with security measures. I have never lived in a flat like this before and worry this is compromising with my safety (whereas if you are in a communal flat with others, there's a secure communal door and a range of flats). If DS dad knew where we live, he would not be able to guess which flat we live on.

1. In my heart. I think the flat would just be too much for me to handle alone. I am used to live in a flat with rooms all in one level.

Please let me know if I'm going the right thing. It's so easy for my friends and family to say "take it take it" but not really taking my situation into concern.

If you decline would you be offered another? Parent and teen in a one bed is not really sustainable.

I think you are inventing problems. I'm sure it would work out fine. But if you are that concerned, you probably should turn it down so someone who will appreciate it can live there.

You need to take it. These problems you have listed are either not really problems or they are easily overcome. It's got to be better than sharing a tiny 1 bed place with a teenager. Completely unsustainable. If you don't accept it you might go to the bottom of the list.

You posted this a week or so ago didn’t you? Is this for the same flat?

I would take it. Secure council housing is like hens teeth.

2 and 3 are going to be issues wherever you live. 1 and 4 are only problems in your own head.

You won't be offered anything else. Council will end their duty to you.

I think you could work out the issues like the carpet, it doesn’t have to all be sorted immediately. I also think you will get used to the stairs (and I say this as someone who freaked out about the steepness of the stairs and size of landing when I moved in). It’s amazing what you get used to. I think before you decline you need to understand whether this will be the only option you will get offered.

If you turn it down you'll be lucky if you're only dropped to the bottom of the list, if not knocked off completely.
Take it then look for a swap?

All council flats will be empty with no flooring and carpet is cheaper than laminate 🤦🏻 i fitted the carpet myself in my house

Almost all LA housing will be bare when you move in. Most LAs expect tenants to strip out any flooring they have put in before they move out.

It sounds an odd layout, especially bedrooms going directly off the stairs / Ans a downstairs bathroom is very off putting, but as others have said it sounds better than being in a one bedroomed flat indefinitely. Have there been no other options over the years like a privately rented 2 bed that is reasonably priced? Have you been looking or just waiting for a council place to come up?

You can ask on freecycle for stuff. Police can help neither the security measures if your ex is a threat.

You will get used to the space.

There are also grants you can apply for if you are in receipt of certain benefits to help with carpets etc

Struggling to see your dilemma, tbh. You'll have to provide flooring / furnishing for wherever you move to.

I think I responded on your earlier thread. Was it the one where you doubted the area as well? If so, what I said still stands. I visited tenants in a supervisor role in council/HA flats. The flats were generally good, largish and light. But tenants encountered issues with other tenants in communal areas, sat on stairs, smoking, drinking and even urinating under one tenant's doorway regularly. From what you say layout wise, it sounds unlikely this will happen to you. But the furnishing situation does not sound a good enough reason to turn down.

If I am right and it is in a dodgy area, then only you can decide as it comes down to safety issues for you and your ds. If you still have the flexibility to move back with a parent, then that also is a way out if you take the flat and you hate it. Is there any chance at all you may be offered something better in your area? If not then think carefully. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and sometimes it makes it hard to make a clear decision.

If you’re on low income you can apply to family fund as you have an ASD child, they can help with funding for lots of things, including rugs which would help with sound proofing.

I think you need to accept the flat OP. You likely won’t be offered another and a 12 year old really needs more space than being in a 1 bed flat. You will get used to the space and the stairs. Security measures you could look at the ring doorbell type things. The only issue I can see if funding for carpets and furniture but there are grants you can access.

You sound understandably scared of the change. Take each issue in small chunks to deal with. Ask community projects for assistance with getting set up initially. Prepare your DS for change and brace yourself for a few challenging weeks in the hope that in the longer term you’ll have a decent home, large enough for your needs.

Is there any other adult who can help mentor your DS through this and also about the importance of keeping your address private? Possibly local DV charities could help?

Is it a flat or a house? Struggling to visualise the layout.

Go Citizens Advice Bureau/ call Shelters and seek their advice first. You may have another chance of a property if your child has additional needs.

I prefer a place with a blank canvas (no flooring etc) as you start afresh to your desired taste. You don’t have to do things all in one go.

Good luck.

all council housing is provided without flooring this is standard.

no matter where you live there is potential for DS dad to follow him.

take it

I've lived in a three story home and you just get used to things being on different floors. It becomes the norm.

Plenty of people move into homes without flooring or other things. It's not fun but it's just a part of moving sometimes. At least it's the warmer months. Get slippers with hard soles or wear shoes.

You could make a book for your son to help him with the change. Basic facts and information. Show him the photos online you have seen but obviously talk about things in a positive way to him.

Moving is an absolute pain in the arse, I've done it more times than I can remember. But it can also be a good experience.

Your son having his own room and you having a secure tenancy is far more important than a closed in staircase.

Will you be offered something else? We could decline up to 3 times but if we declined the first two options we’d either have to take the third option or be homeless.

@ReadersD1gest then I suggest that's something you need to work on. Her concerns are pretty bloody obvious.

@worldcupfan I understand about you feeling safer (from your ex) in a flat with neighbours & a communal extra front door.

Will DS manage the stairs ok, especially in the night?

everything seems to vary council to council, but with DS extra needs, & the DV could you not explain this to council and stsy st the top of the list?

I can see why councils insist on floors being stripped as some people would leave stuff that's absolutely minging. As someone else suggested, see what loans/grants you'd be able to get (no matter which HA property you get). The local carpet shop sell off cuts very cheaply. It's fine if the rooms have different carpet and even if it's a bit patched together.

I think you need to talk to the council, explain about the DV & DA's additional needs & see what they can do.

I think if they could keep me too if the list I'd turn this one down, but if they can't I'd take it and make it as secure as possible with new locks & bolts on the doors and locks on the downstairs windows, security cameras & an alarm.

if DS & the stairs are an issue, then I'd look at getting some kind of bucket or something for night wees (no teenage is going to want a commode I don't suppose) but may be ok with a lidded bucket?!

best of luck.
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If you decline will you be dropped to the bottom of the list or removed? It's different in different areas, ours say you can decline 2 but have to take the third or you will be put to the bottom of the list. If you won't get any other offers you need to take this and then address the issue. All council properties will need flooring, so that isn't a problem unique to this place, and there are often grants available. I didn't have flooring for a few weeks and just used rugs/throws etc.... it's all doable.

Check with your council but all the ones around us give £200 of vouchers for a DIY store so you can buy paint or whatever you need to decorate which takes some of the pain out of it.

As you have a child with Autism also check Family Fund to see if they can help you at all.

Also check your local free cycle pages, people are always trying to give away rugs etc.

Council flats are like hens teeth, you’ll have a secure tenancy and eventually you may be able to swap with someone else. It’s obviously up to you, but it might be worth the leap for security.