Housing dilemmas & rejecting offer

[worldcupfan]

Hello everyone,

I have posted about this before and I'm going to ask MHQ to remove the thread after as it is very identifying. But I am having second thoughts of accepting a council flat offer and I'm worried about the repercussions if I accept. In any case, I will have to let the council know my decision by next week.

To give a background. My 12 year old DS and I currently live in a very very small 1 bed private accommodation due to fleeing DV many many moons ago. We have been on the council list for approx.10 years. We have a direct offer (because another person friend it down) for a council property. It is like a terrace flat (?) it has three floors. I've been going back and forth with my decision but I think I am going to decline. Here are my reasons;

1. The flat just has stairs. There's no landing ( apart from the hallway) as soon as you go up the stairs, you go straight into a room. The walls going up to to the stairs are quite narrow- almost like a claustrophobic feel. (however, the rooms are big). But the bathroom is all the way downstairs and is very small.

2.After you accept a property, you have 4 weeks to move in. There is no flooring, or anything, the property is very bare and in need of repairs . I am concerned about the costs, considering that DS is Autistic and has horrendous meltdowns and flooring and soundproofing is my concern. For example, if I wanted to have carpet to reduce noise, where do I put this? In the landing, living room, stairs and the bedrooms? What about laminate as I cannot afford to put carpet and sound proofing in every room.

1. I am worried about the security of the housing. For example, the bedrooms are un the top floor and the front door is three floors down. I am currently going through the court process as DS's dad is requesting access to see his DS. I am worried about my ex founding out where we live. DS travels to some places on his own (school and to the local shops). If DS's dad has access, I'm worried that his dad may follow him home and would find out where we live- or worse DS will tell him (as he looks up to his dad and doesn't try to defy him).

Therefore, I'm at loss with security measures. I have never lived in a flat like this before and worry this is compromising with my safety (whereas if you are in a communal flat with others, there's a secure communal door and a range of flats). If DS dad knew where we live, he would not be able to guess which flat we live on.

1. In my heart. I think the flat would just be too much for me to handle alone. I am used to live in a flat with rooms all in one level.

Please let me know if I'm going the right thing. It's so easy for my friends and family to say "take it take it" but not really taking my situation into concern.

Realistically what they offer you next could be worse.

Take the flat. One bed flat with a teenager is less than ideal. If there are repairs that need doing (not cosmetic repairs, like things that can’t be left) point these out to the council and get them on it before you move in.

You’ll have to save for carpets or an alternative option if the budget allows it is carpetright does finance where you pay monthly. I’m sure other companies do too. The majority of council places don’t have flooring laid before you move in so it’s pretty standard. Your council may have additional funding you can access to help with DIY bits.

in regards to the DV, I would contact your local domestic abuse service. For example where I am, ours is WORTH services and see if you can be assigned an IDVA to support with your worries.

An appropriately sized property with a secure tenancy and reasonable rent is surely better than living in cramped conditions? You’ve waited 10 years for this, take the flat. If you still hate it in a year you can explore swaps/mutual exchange.

You will be kicked off the list or at best be put to the bottom. Your son will have grown up and moved out. Take it

What authority area is it in? Most of them publish online their rules for what happens if you turn down a property, but for a lot of them they consider their obligation discharged and you'll be removed from the list so you won't be offered anything else.

Council properties don't usually include flooring, I know my council rip out any carpets or flooring when a tenant moves out before the next tenant moves in. I think it's to stop liability for pests (fleas bedbugs etc) or damage or whatever, so I wouldn't turn it down for that reason as the next property offered is likely to be the same.

Finding out where you live... is it a communal hallway? If he's hell bent on finding you by following wouldn't it be better to be in the flat? That way he might know the building you're in but not the specific unit.

I think you reasons for declining aren't really valid reasons. I would take it, it's going to be more suitable than what you are in now regardless.

the flat won't necessarily be "better" that they offer, it will be just what they think fits your criteria when other higher priority are already housed .

its a gamble

How could you be worse off with more space and a secure tenancy?if you want the perfect set up then you've to buy your own house. It's crazy how entitled some people on council lists are and I'm a council tenant myself and I thank my lucky stars every day that we have a secure roof over our heads.

You won't be offered another flat.

Your ex could track you down wherever you are really, this is not a reason to turn down this property.

All council properties come without flooring - you'll only avoid this if you go for private rented which you have already said you can't do.

This is an opportunity for THE most secure AND CHEAP tenancy you will EVER have.

To not take it would be the height of stupidity.

Ok I see. Difficult choice

Good Lord, why aren't you snapping their hands off? The reasons you mention are not legitimate reasons AT ALL. If anything, being in an upstairs flat means that your ex could have more doors to get through to find you. And no matter where you live, he could follow you. You are much more likely to be looked upon favourably by the court if you are in suitable housing too. And as for noise I'm lost at this one. It's three floors. So make your kids room the one in the middle! Then it's only your living room/kitchen under bath and your bedroom above.

If you refuse this priest and they kick you off the list, what are you going to do then? You need to do right by your self and your son and move ASAP.

I ask this kindly, but do you think you could be intentionally self sabotaging on this? Most petite would be DELIGHTED in your shoes. If you move and hate it, you can apply for an exchange after a year. So take the property, spend the first week decorating it, the second carpeting it, and then move in. Because none of your arguments are valid.

2 and 3 are issues anywhere, not specific to this flat. 1 and 4 are non issues and sound like you're making excuses not to move. It sounds more like fear of change than any actual problems with the place you've been offered.

If you turn it down I'd be really surprised if you get a better offer from the council. Depending on area you could easily be kicked off the list or go to the back of the queue for turning down a suitable property (and it is suitable, non of the reasons you've given would make it unsuitable in the eyes of the council). If you've already been on the list for 10 years that likely translates to this is your only offer.

I think you'd be mad not to take the flat tbh but obviously you're the one who has to live with the choice. Just make sure you make your choice on what's better between the new flat or staying overcrowded where you are permanently. Dont hold out for the idea of a perfect flat being offered because it likely won't happen.

I actually think the flat sounds perfect for you... but that you are terribly anxious about the move (very probably reasonably considering your past and your DS's ASD).

Your current flat doesn't sound suitable at all though and this seems like a great opportunity. It will be difficult for a few weeks but then things will improve. You have to move at some point so just try and push through your anxiety, get as much support as you can IRL and here and get on with the next stage of your life (with more space etc.).

Try to be honest with yourself that this may well be anxiety rather than focusing on what you see as the problems (which are true for every move).

That's why if you refuse a reasonable offer, they generally take you off the list altogether, as they've fulfilled their duty - because otherwise, everybody refuses until they get a nice house with a brand new kitchen and pretty garden in a nice area.

The only ways any offers are not counted as reasonable is if, for example, the LA Occupational Therapy Team or another professional states it is unsuitable for reasons such as it being incompatible with a disability such as being unable to go up stairs or get a wheelchair inside the front door (not being noisy - that's what underlay and carpet is for) or safety (ie, falling down outside steps or across the road from an ex's mother) - that kind of thing.

Unless you are on a band where you are specifically and explicitly stated to have x number of offers before removal and you're prepared to gamble on this to the extent that you could spend another ten years on the waiting list whilst offers are all made to people presenting as homeless, only to end up with somewhere worse in both location and quality - accept the offer.

There’s been quite a lot of threads lately about single mums with one son of varying ages being offered a flat by the council and them wanting to turn it down because of reasons that aren’t really reasons.

Take the flat OP, or continue living where you are for another undefined amount of time. Only you are in control of your future, no one’s going to come along and rescue you.

I don't mean this meanly or aggressively, but from reading what you've written, I'm not sure the council is ever going to be a in a position to offer you something you'd be wholly satisfied with.

Personally, I'd feel more secure not having to share a front door and corridors with any number of unknown people who could hang around being a nuisance, or who could buzz strangers into the building. Your own front door means you get to decide and provide the security measures with big bolts top and bottom, a door chain, a ring doorbell etc. which you can install easily or over time if necessary.

The flooring is going to be the same issue wherever the council could locate you, so that's nothing to decide by.

You'll spend next to no time on the narrow staircase or in the small bathroom, but if your living and bedrooms are a good size then that's very important, especially as your son grows.

If you take it you can look out for a swap, if you decline, you may be stuck in cramped and unaffordable private rental. I wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth if I were you.

Could you do a floor plan so we can see what is in each floor?

Where is the kitchen and lounge? Is there a dining room?

Just thinking that you could alter the room usage around

This

Far better to have secure cheap housing

Ex could find you anywhere if he wanted

No council places will have flooring

Your own front door is a god send. You really don’t want a communal hallway- it only takes on scruffy neighbour to turn it into a shit hole. Also consider your parents who probably want their house back to

Ask the council what the procedure is if you don't accept it. Get that response in writing. Then make the decision. If rejecting it means being put back to the bottom or being removed from list then of course you should take it.

Snap!

OP it's highly unlikely that the council will offer you "your dream accommodation" just compromise and think of your DS.

Every property, rented or bought, private or council, has compromises. There isn't some mythical flat that's going to come along and fit all your needs. The compromises here are very minor and some can be reframed as positives if you put your mind to it. I don't know that posting about it is helping anyway if you've had all those responses and are still changing your mind. Take the flat and move forward for both your sakes.

In future there's a 30 Days Only topic rather than getting a thread deleted.

I think you should take it. It has taken you 10 years to be offered this one. Who knows how long you will have to wait if you turn it down. Your own front door and no one above you sounds great.

You said that it wouldn’t be ready for 2-3 months in your first post, so you can use this time to save or hunt for bargains.

What would happen if your current LL put the rent up or decided to sell up? A secure tenancy would be fantastic.

Definitely take it.

Your current 1 bed flat is not sustainable. You and your DC will both need your own rooms as he gets older. He may want to bring friends over.

You have been waiting 10 years for this offer, how long for another?

I think the flat you are offered would be more secure than one with a communal entrance. You can fit good locks and a Ring doorbell or similar on the front door.

A communal flat entrance, all sorts of people can get in, by following somebody else in, or buzzing and pretending to be a delivery driver or pretending to be locked out. He could then walk around the block, and you wouldn't expect to encounter him in the communal areas.

The layout sounds annoying, but you will soon adjust to it. If it didn't have an annoying layout, it would have been snapped up by the first person.

It's not perfect, but I would snap it up. There will be many people above you in the priority list, so you may never get offered anything better.

.... I'm not good at drawing floor plans. I can describe it.

1. When you open the front door, there's a long hall way with 5 steps that you have to walk up to.

1. When you get on the last 5th step, on the left you have the bathroom (which is very very small!).

1. You walk up another 8 steps and walk into the living room and the kitchen is next door.

1. You walk up another flight of 8 steps and you enter into first bedroom and next door is the second bedroom.

1. You then walk up another 6 flights of stairs and it's just the small storage room.

Eh? So there are four lots of stairs?