Housing dilemmas & rejecting offer

[worldcupfan]

Hello everyone,

I have posted about this before and I'm going to ask MHQ to remove the thread after as it is very identifying. But I am having second thoughts of accepting a council flat offer and I'm worried about the repercussions if I accept. In any case, I will have to let the council know my decision by next week.

To give a background. My 12 year old DS and I currently live in a very very small 1 bed private accommodation due to fleeing DV many many moons ago. We have been on the council list for approx.10 years. We have a direct offer (because another person friend it down) for a council property. It is like a terrace flat (?) it has three floors. I've been going back and forth with my decision but I think I am going to decline. Here are my reasons;

1. The flat just has stairs. There's no landing ( apart from the hallway) as soon as you go up the stairs, you go straight into a room. The walls going up to to the stairs are quite narrow- almost like a claustrophobic feel. (however, the rooms are big). But the bathroom is all the way downstairs and is very small.

2.After you accept a property, you have 4 weeks to move in. There is no flooring, or anything, the property is very bare and in need of repairs . I am concerned about the costs, considering that DS is Autistic and has horrendous meltdowns and flooring and soundproofing is my concern. For example, if I wanted to have carpet to reduce noise, where do I put this? In the landing, living room, stairs and the bedrooms? What about laminate as I cannot afford to put carpet and sound proofing in every room.

1. I am worried about the security of the housing. For example, the bedrooms are un the top floor and the front door is three floors down. I am currently going through the court process as DS's dad is requesting access to see his DS. I am worried about my ex founding out where we live. DS travels to some places on his own (school and to the local shops). If DS's dad has access, I'm worried that his dad may follow him home and would find out where we live- or worse DS will tell him (as he looks up to his dad and doesn't try to defy him).

Therefore, I'm at loss with security measures. I have never lived in a flat like this before and worry this is compromising with my safety (whereas if you are in a communal flat with others, there's a secure communal door and a range of flats). If DS dad knew where we live, he would not be able to guess which flat we live on.

1. In my heart. I think the flat would just be too much for me to handle alone. I am used to live in a flat with rooms all in one level.

Please let me know if I'm going the right thing. It's so easy for my friends and family to say "take it take it" but not really taking my situation into concern.

When you first started posting about this in your previous thread I had sympathy with you, but still thought you should take the flat.

The more you post the more you’re sounding very entitled, wanting to wait until the offer you something ‘better’, not having the life you envisioned etc.

Very few people’s lives turn out how they plan, all properties have some compromise, but still get on and make the most of it.

I know change can be scary and you’ve obviously been through a tough time, but I think now is the time for a fresh start. Take the flat, view it as a fresh start and a positive, yes it’s not what you envisioned, but it’s a safe, secure place to make a home and new life with your son. Embrace it and turn it into some positive rather than looking at the negatives (I know easier said than done)

Turning it down takes away your choices, taking it will give you more choices.
let me explain.

turn down and you will be at the bottom of the list. You will have to wait another 10 years by then your son will have moved out and you will be off the list anyway as you won’t have any dependents. Your only option then is to continue to live in a one bed flat.

take it and move in then you can decide if you like it or not. if you don’t like it you can try and swap or move back into a one bed flat. This option gives you 3 choices - stay in flat, swap flat, move back to one bed.

I think you have unrealistic expectations of what you're likely to be offered. I'm not sure what property type you're describing but it's unlikely to make any difference. You're saying you only want a flat on one level with communal entry? What you're describing sounds like a 3 story town house thats possibly split into a one bed on ground floor with a two bed 2 floor above.
Just so you're aware lots of properties have a bathroom on a different level to bedrooms. This is a minor inconvenience and will not be factored in as a need. All council and HA properties have no carpets/laminate. You will either get tiles or floorboards. They don't have curtains/rails or white goods either. You would probably get a grant/loan to help with these. All houses, bungalows, and maisonettes will have a door to that property only as will some flats. If you have concerns around security, speak with the Police or Victim Support. You might be eligible for a panic alarm.
You've waited 10 years. I don't think you'll get another offer. That's your choice, where you are now or what's on offer. I'd say that's healthier for your son. You need separate bedrooms and having split level living will minimise noise disruption to others. Taking this home will also give you the opportunity to swap at a later stage maybe to a completely new area where you'll feel safer.
Of course you don't have to accept it. I guarantee there is a family somewhere who will rejoice at you turning it down and be very grateful to accept it.

@worldcupfan speak to your council, you sometimes have the opportunity to decline a property (like the person in front of you for this one did). Some councils operate a 2-3 strike policy so you decline this but come the next one or one after you must take it or be removed from the list. Before making your final decision ask them what happens if you decline this one.

The type of property you've been offered sounds like a maisonette which usually looks like a block of flats on the outside and different storeys inside. Is the room that the stairs go straight into the living room?

I think your fears around your ex would be the same no matter where you get allocated a house.

The concerns around furnishings etc can be addressed through grant funding, freebies pages online, family and friends.

Take the property, make a start, if its not right for you then you can look at a mutual exchange once you have a HA tenancy - its usually a 6 month minimum stay in the current property first.

I'm so confused! A flat with stairs?

You could put a runner in the hallway - try IKEA for these. Instead of carpeting the stairs, you can buy carpet treads that stick onto individual steps:

Livingandhome 14Pcs Light Grey Rectangular Anti Slip Adhesive Stair Carpet Treads 55 x 20 cm | DIY at B&Q

Then all you have to carpet is the living room and the two bedrooms. See if your local freecycle group has any furniture or rugs available.

Describe your ideal housing offer....what would be perfect option for you?

OP your current small space is the first place you had after fleeing abuse, no matter how unsuitable or cramped it has become your safe space. It is perfectly natural to feel very very apprehensive about leaving that. However I bet you felt apprehension moving in there and it became comfortable. The new place will be the same. It's sounds like it has a good amount of space and having lived in a flat a private entrance is a god send. You will be eligible for grants for carpets etc. Do you claim any benefits in relation to your DS' needs? This may open up other avenues for funding via social care to make the space safe and suitable for him.

Hello everyone,

I have had a long think about all of this. I re-read the comments and spoken to family and friends once again. For DS's sake, I am going to accept the property and make it work. DS has been fortunate in the sense that the property we currently live in is just across the road from my parents and siblings- so we regularly have my family visit. If we moved, we would be 20 minutes from my parents (which is a win win).

But he hasn't had a "proper childhood" in that sense. I lived with my parents for a long while so it was not convenient for his friends to sleepover- then we moved into private accommodation as we weren't allowed to redecorate (paint on the walls, put fixtures in place etc) so he could not, in a way, decorate his own "space" (we were also sharing).

I am worried about DS's dad as he has friends in the area (where we would be moving to) who he regularly visits. My biggest fear is that he will find out where we live. But we've been waiting 10 years and I have to take this opportunity. If anyone can recommend a really good security system,'please please please give me all the information you have.

Contact the local police domestic violence unit (may have another name) and ask them what they recommend and if you can have your address and phone number tagged with an alert.

Glad you are taking the property, you would be daft not to. Security wise, the first thing a ring doorbell. Also, contact local police to see if they can list your property in their database,unsure what it's called but basically if you phone them they dispatch immediately to you.

Really proud for you OP, I think you're being very brave and sensible in taking the property

I agree with the above three posters. Iits brave of you to do what's best for both you and your son, even though you are scared.

I don't know anything about security, but Ring and talking to the police's DM representative sounds like a good start. Maybe start a new thread in AIBU or Chat? You'll get more responses if you focus on the security aspects.

Good luck op.

Talk to the council. They may be able To add additional security.

I think you have made the right decision. Good luck in your new home.
In terms of security there isn’t a system I can recommend, but after being burgled make sure that you have a good front door with good locks that are British standard. Maybe a security chain too? Also have a fire extinguisher in your hallway, a friend once had someone put a firework through her letterbox. I bought one off Amazon which is in my kitchen which is also near my front door. I don’t want to make you paranoid but is good to be prepared.