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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wear my asexual ring

327 replies

Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 09:58

asexuals often wear a black ring on the middle finger of the right hand edited by MNHQ

I think it would be very useful if this was widely recognised and understood,

Then asexuals could go to pubs, clubs, social events and no one would be hitting on them, friendships started at work or hobbies would not be prone to misunderstandings, and accusations of leading people on, and social arrangements could be made without the confusion about whether it is meant to be a date of not.

asexuals would also recognise each other

I think it is similar to earing a wedding ring to say you are in a relationship, wearing an asexual ring to signal that you are not available for a sexual relationship, even though you may be known to be single

I am expecting a load of hostility and aggression on here, because there always is, whenever asexuality is mentioned, but that wont bother me at all, because some people will read this, and learn to recognise the asexual ring, and that is all I want.

OP posts:
Baldieheid · 07/04/2023 11:43

donquixotedelamancha · 07/04/2023 11:33

I will never understand what it is about not feeling sexual attraction that must make other people be so rude and condescending.

I don't get this. Do these posters have no idea what AIBU stands for? It's a little weird thinking disagreement is rude on any discussion forum but it's downright batshit on this one.

It allows them to identify as a victim?

IncompleteSenten · 07/04/2023 11:52

MandyMotherOfBrian · 07/04/2023 11:43

asexuals often wear a black ring on the middle finger of the right hand
A black ring? If this takes off there’s going to be a lot of Goths wondering why they’re not getting any.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Bamboux · 07/04/2023 11:57

YouAreNotBatman · 07/04/2023 11:07

Hello from fellow ace, op!

I think the ring is a great idea.
I don’t know if you’re also aromantic.
I’m not and that is why I wear a ring, in hope that other ace would see it and maybe start a conversation.
Hasn’t worked yet, but I don’t know how else to find a partner.

Also, I’m sorry for all the ride comments, I will never understand what it is about not feeling sexual attraction that must make other people be so rude and condescending.
But that is a them promblem, don’t take these nasty comments to heart.

All the best! 💜

It's not about not feeling sexual attraction. It's about using this as a substitute for a personality, assuming anyone else cares, and trying to segregate people into little boxes.

Which doesn't have very positive connotations for most humans.

Also, as per star signs, it is meaningless and boring. I'm interested in people as people. Not in a long list of descriptors and flags and icons.

CovertImage · 07/04/2023 11:59

Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 09:58

asexuals often wear a black ring on the middle finger of the right hand edited by MNHQ

I think it would be very useful if this was widely recognised and understood,

Then asexuals could go to pubs, clubs, social events and no one would be hitting on them, friendships started at work or hobbies would not be prone to misunderstandings, and accusations of leading people on, and social arrangements could be made without the confusion about whether it is meant to be a date of not.

asexuals would also recognise each other

I think it is similar to earing a wedding ring to say you are in a relationship, wearing an asexual ring to signal that you are not available for a sexual relationship, even though you may be known to be single

I am expecting a load of hostility and aggression on here, because there always is, whenever asexuality is mentioned, but that wont bother me at all, because some people will read this, and learn to recognise the asexual ring, and that is all I want.

I'm what is now called "asexual". Nothing you describe in your post is different to what everyone else has to deal with as they go through life.

Why do I need to recognise other asexuals - what's the point, is your life not otherwise normal?

There have been people uninterested in sexual or romantic relationships forever. Why is it suddently a "thing"?

SerendipityJane · 07/04/2023 12:01

MandyMotherOfBrian · 07/04/2023 11:43

asexuals often wear a black ring on the middle finger of the right hand
A black ring? If this takes off there’s going to be a lot of Goths wondering why they’re not getting any.

Apart from being a Goth, you mean ?

SerendipityJane · 07/04/2023 12:05

I don’t know if you’re also aromantic.

Hands up who first read that as "aromatic" ?

🖐

Original poster
Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 12:05

CovertImage · 07/04/2023 11:59

I'm what is now called "asexual". Nothing you describe in your post is different to what everyone else has to deal with as they go through life.

Why do I need to recognise other asexuals - what's the point, is your life not otherwise normal?

There have been people uninterested in sexual or romantic relationships forever. Why is it suddently a "thing"?

Show quote history

hello! fellow asexaul

of course all asexuals are different, just like all straight people are different, it is entirely a personal choice whether to wear the ring or not

OP posts:
thegrain · 07/04/2023 12:06

SerendipityJane · 07/04/2023 12:05

I don’t know if you’re also aromantic.

Hands up who first read that as "aromatic" ?

🖐

🖐

Baldieheid · 07/04/2023 12:07

thegrain · 07/04/2023 12:06

🖐

Show quote history
Happy Oh Yeah GIF by RTL

Me.

JaneFondue · 07/04/2023 12:07

SerendipityJane · 07/04/2023 12:01

Apart from being a Goth, you mean ?

Show quote history

😁 I find people who identify themselves by their star signs boring too.

Planesmistakenforstars · 07/04/2023 12:09

Also there are different categories of asexual, they all have different coloured rings and flags
https://depts.washington.edu/qcenter/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/Asexuality-101-1.pdf

This is so viscerally cringe that it just cannot be real. Although, is there a word for the sexuality that is instantly repelled by someone using any of these words? Because I'd like to identify as that.

https://depts.washington.edu/qcenter/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/Asexuality-101-1.pdf

SerendipityJane · 07/04/2023 12:10

JaneFondue · 07/04/2023 12:07

😁 I find people who identify themselves by their star signs boring too.

Show quote history

I bet you're a Scorpio.

nothingcomestonothing · 07/04/2023 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SerendipityJane · 07/04/2023 12:12

Although, is there a word for the sexuality that is instantly repelled by someone using any of these words? Because I'd like to identify as that.

Normal ?

BMW6 · 07/04/2023 12:21

It just all reeks of "Look at me, I'm special" doesn't it. So cringingly performative and attention seeking.

Its all so bloody puerile.

Most people give zero fucks about other peoples sexual activities - as long as its between consenting adult humans. If you don't want to have sex just say No Thanks if approached.

You really don't need to advertise it - unless, of course, you want the attention.

Which I suspect is the case.

Original poster
Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 12:22

SerendipityJane · 07/04/2023 12:12

Although, is there a word for the sexuality that is instantly repelled by someone using any of these words? Because I'd like to identify as that.

Normal ?

are you saying it is normal to be repelled by the word "asexual"?

OP posts:
SerendipityJane · 07/04/2023 12:24

Most people give zero fucks about other peoples sexual activities

Hmmm. If only. a lot of religions seem overly nosey about what people do with their bits. Much more so than poverty, injustice and what their own ministers do with their bits.

SerendipityJane · 07/04/2023 12:26

Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 12:22

are you saying it is normal to be repelled by the word "asexual"?

Show quote history

No. Just your hijacking it.

BMW6 · 07/04/2023 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 12:28

SerendipityJane · 07/04/2023 12:26

No. Just your hijacking it.

Show quote history

are you saying it is normal to be repelled by human asexuals?

I hope MN dont delete your posts, as I think it is quite informative

OP posts:
EyesOnThePies · 07/04/2023 12:28

I would probably presume you were married to a goth.
Except now I know what it means, having read your post.

Do whatever you feel is right for you, no harm, it’s up to you.

In general, I feel it is a shame that as a society more of us feel the need or desire to label themselves with flags, emblems, rings etc. It seems reductive and divisive rather than inclusive, and how sad that anyone needs to advertise their sexual preferences in such a specified way to avoid being pounced on or because we have lost face to face communication to such a degree that we communicate via flags.

But I wish you well with whatever you prefer to do.

PS, I often wear rings on whatever finger I prefer and am no respecter of the ‘wedding finger’. And may well wear black jewellery on occasion . No group or status owns these choices.

FinallyHere · 07/04/2023 12:28

MaireadMcSweeney · 07/04/2023 09:59

What's wrong with using your words?

This.

Really. Words are a brilliant device to find out more about people and disclose things about yourself.

For what it's worth, not everyone takes any notice of a wedding ring or allows it to stop themselves having an affair.

I love the sentiment behind the BeeGees lyrics * It's only words and words are all I have
To take your heart away…*

Cornettoninja · 07/04/2023 12:29

Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 12:22

are you saying it is normal to be repelled by the word "asexual"?

Show quote history

Are you performing Olympic level mental gymnastics to find something to be offended by?

its ‘normal’ to not really care what someone wants to do/not do with their genitals with someone else and to find shoehorning the notion into daily life off putting.

StarmanBobby · 07/04/2023 12:31

No-one cares if you’re asexual or not. I don’t want to be hit on by men or women but find I can get through life pretty well with a ‘thanks but no thanks’ without too much fuss.

the ring won’t work. It’s too vague.

Tabasco007 · 07/04/2023 12:31

Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 09:58

asexuals often wear a black ring on the middle finger of the right hand edited by MNHQ

I think it would be very useful if this was widely recognised and understood,

Then asexuals could go to pubs, clubs, social events and no one would be hitting on them, friendships started at work or hobbies would not be prone to misunderstandings, and accusations of leading people on, and social arrangements could be made without the confusion about whether it is meant to be a date of not.

asexuals would also recognise each other

I think it is similar to earing a wedding ring to say you are in a relationship, wearing an asexual ring to signal that you are not available for a sexual relationship, even though you may be known to be single

I am expecting a load of hostility and aggression on here, because there always is, whenever asexuality is mentioned, but that wont bother me at all, because some people will read this, and learn to recognise the asexual ring, and that is all I want.

So are you celibate OP? Have you ever had a sexual relationship, how old are you?

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