My new car is too bossy

[PolkaDotMankini]

I got a new car a couple of weeks ago. It's pretty (if already muddy) but the bossiness is never-ending.

If I change lane on the motorway and there's a car next to the lane I'm going into, it flashes up hazard lights on the dashboard and wing mirror, beeps loudly and nudges the steering wheel away.

When I stop the car, it flashes up a reminder to check the back seats for people and belongings.

And the final straw: it sent me a text reminding me to lock it. I was sitting in it at the time, minding my own business in the car park

AIBU to find this annoying? I particularly dislike it screeching and wrenching the wheel round when I'm changing lanes. It's dangerous!

I forgot about the tire pressure! Mine also came on when it snowed. Checked them all, all fine you idiot, now it’s on all the time. I just ignore it which is dumb as if I ever do have a problem with the tire I won’t know as I’ve been ignoring the light for a month now.

I live in Norway, where there is ice and snow for half the year. My car screeches like I am about to crash into something if there is any ice or snow vaguely near the sensors. So for half the year, every time I slow the car down or start moving off, I am deafened. I have tried, believe me, to turn the damn thing off, but it refuses. 😫

Dave Allen sympathises with you!

Yes. Mine flashes red "COLLISION WARNING!" all over the dashboard, screech-beeps and auto-brakes if I approach a line of cars/parked car at what it considers an indecorous speed.

I just swapped from a Toyota. That one beeped indignantly if I crossed the central line to avoid taking the wing mirrors off a row of parked cars but it was an absolute saint compared to this car.

I'm becoming more and more enamoured with my 6 year old Dacia as I read this thread 😂

My fucker brakes for me when I am reversing into the drive, I do have to get pretty close to the undergrowth in the lane but I know I have the room to get round unlike the car which jams the brakes on.

Wow. I nearly got another Toyota. I've had a lucky escape!

You can turn most of this stuff off. When we first got this car it would suddenly brake away from the centre lines. Not helpful in a wiggly village. But the one that drives me most mad is when a passenger gets out and shuts one of the doors the car assumes it's being abandoned and bleats loudly that someone (ie me, still sitting the driving seat) hasn't taken the key. Haven't worked out how to turn that off!

Jesus! These all sounds awful. Mine complains (beeps) if it hits 4 degrees. I mean FOUR FUCKING DEGREES!! That's positively balmy here in the frozen North East! I tell it to get a grip.

It's now getting its own back. Steadfastly refuses to beep when I've inadvertently left my lights on when I finish driving. I can feel it fucking grinning, smugly, when I return to a flat battery the following morning.

You can turn it all off...
Not all of it, you bloody can't.

Ours told us we couldn't touch the sat nav while we were driving - fine, but I was the passenger not the driver, it didn't care, no meant no.

There's a particular pedestrian crossing on the school run which is on a bend. Without fail my car beeps loudly (and would also brake if that wasn't switched off) to tell me I'm about to murder all the people waiting for the lights to turn red.

Ours told us we couldn't touch the sat nav while we were driving - fine, but I was the passenger not the driver, it didn't care, no meant no.
Mine does that! We do it on the phone then plug it in.

My VW UP 64 plate doesn't even have central locking! Best car I have ever bought. Had it 4 years and nothing has gone wrong (probably because it hasn't got anything to go wrong!).

Are you driving my ex-husband @PolkaDotMankini ???

Eugh, yes, hate this. My cars are old but I was given a newish one as a courtesy car recently and it harangued me constantly the whole time I had it. Lights flashing on the wong mirror when someone was in the next lane, telling me to make sure I'd not left any passengers in the back seat (wtf?) having a massive go at me for daring to change lanes without indicating despite there being no one else around, and then reminding me about my keys and phone when I stopped. Awful! I'm sure you can turn it all off but as it wasn't my car I didn't think I should go fiddling in the settings.

😁😁

My car is old and doesn't have many bells and whistles but it does have a warning alert that flashes up on the dash that says: WARNING! Low outside temperature'

No shit! Did it think I didn't notice when I was de-icing the car before driving off?

That's probably who it's freaking out about on the back seat.

Gods this sounds nightmarish. Overload of noise, information I already have, and I bet the voices grate too.

On the other hand, someone could make an absolute fortunate selling custom voice packs. The right narrator, and 'check the back seat, my love' or 'a bit more to the right, further, almost, oh right there, perfect' could certainly brighten up a day.

We had a bite car with lane assist it was bloody awful. You can turn it off though.

Joking apart, it's so distracting, I just hate it

If it helps, my sat nav told me to turn right once.

I was driving on a motorway

I KNEW you were going to say it's a Kia. We rented one on holiday and it drove me mad it was so bossy. Trying to stop me change lanes is just bloody dangerous!

I agree - I’d be fine with say David Attenborough telling me or asking me things, or maybe Hugh Grant and I’d even take him asking me in a slightly irritated way “yes yes I know I have to ask, but this time, have you really remembered your phone?”