My new car is too bossy

[PolkaDotMankini]

I got a new car a couple of weeks ago. It's pretty (if already muddy) but the bossiness is never-ending.

If I change lane on the motorway and there's a car next to the lane I'm going into, it flashes up hazard lights on the dashboard and wing mirror, beeps loudly and nudges the steering wheel away.

When I stop the car, it flashes up a reminder to check the back seats for people and belongings.

And the final straw: it sent me a text reminding me to lock it. I was sitting in it at the time, minding my own business in the car park

AIBU to find this annoying? I particularly dislike it screeching and wrenching the wheel round when I'm changing lanes. It's dangerous!

🤣🤣🤣

Ffs! I thought my car was bossy for telling me to change gears (which sometimes leads to an argument).
I could not cope with this level of interfering at all, it would be like having my Dad as a permanent passenger. Do your cars do swift intakes of breaths and heavy sighs also? 😄

You can turn it all off....

Mine keeps beeping that the person in the passenger seat isn't wearing their seatbelt.

It's my bloody handbag, it doesn't need a seatbelt.

Seriously? What car is that?

These are funny, I'd no idea this is what new cars are like. It does all sound very distracting though. Good thing it can be switched off.

My SIL's car is a twat, it moans at you for trying to do anything. I needed to borrow it for a week recently and I despised it. It kept screeching at me for having the dog on the back seat saying I needed to put its belt on, the reversing camera kept glitching and going on and off or coming up with a warning "OBSTRUCTION DETECTED CLOSE BY" in the reversing camera, with the warning covering up the camera and therefore making it fucking useless. It also kept screeching "Phone Connection Lost, Please Reconnect" whilst I was trying to drive on the fucking motorway. Fuck off car I only have my phone plugged in for Sat Nav I don't give a shit if you feel the need to read out every notification on my phone, I'm just trying to do the bastard school run.

My new car also has all these bloody things too - don’t forget your phone and keys, OMG you opened the door to open the gate id better turn the engine off, there’s someone turning half a mile in front of you so BRAKE, did you know there’s a corner coming up (yes I can read the fucking road sign that I almost missed because I was distracted by you telling me about a corner that I can SEE), let me BEEP madly because you’re two metres from reversing into something, SHIT you’ll run out of petrol in 60 miles would you like me to show you where petrol stations are? Etc etc etc. it’s utterly maddening, especially when you try to use the sat Nav and it never has anywhere you actually need. So the one thing I might use is totally rubbish.
The stupid thing is, I have turned it all off now anyway so it’s a complete waste of time but I don’t want or need this level of distracting information.

Didn’t use it for a few weeks so it dobbed me into the manufacturer that the battery was low. The manufacturer emailed me to tell me go for an hours drive. They’ve ganged up on me.

My car also does that thing where it tells you to keep your hands on the steering wheel... when your hands are on the steering wheel. It also enjoys screeching at me for a 'collision warning' when there's nothing in sight... bloody thing.

Do not buy a new Volvo…

If you need your car to verbally remind you of basic highway code and require it to scream warnings at you when you are reversing otherwise you'll smash the car up then you shouldn't have a license. Jesus wept.

Mine warns me I might crash when I'm half a mile from the car in front. I switched off as much as I could before I left the showroom.

Blooming heck. Please tell me which car you have so I can avoid that brand in future!

Mine's a Kia. It also dislikes me reversing anywhere except an empty car park, tells me to be careful in "icy conditions" (5 degrees) and beeps when I reverse (which, at a BMI of 33, I knew was coming).

I did have a chuckle @abstractplantpot. Yes, it's telling you not to forget your handbag or DC not that I could, they never stop squabbling.

Mine has a stern lady in it who tells me off for speeding!

I'm lucky if my reversing sensors work (it's my fault, one is a bit crooked)
My car is more
<smash>
"Oops, yeah there was a lamppost there, sorry"

Imagine how I feel working for a garage and listening to these complaints all day
"Yes, the tyre pressure warning light will be on, it's minus 5 and it doesn't like cold temperatures, no I don't know why either"

Other annoying things my car (Cupra Formentor if you’re interested) does or doesn’t do:

1. I’m its second owner and it won’t let me connect to its system while I’m driving (so I can’t have a passenger do it) but I can’t do it at home as I have no phone signal.
2. Tells me to put my hands on the wheel when they are
3. screeches at me to stay in the centre of the lane when I’m driving down a narrow country lane
4. drags me back into the side of narrow lanes when I’m trying to avoid potholes
5. Turns off the engine at the slightest thing
6. Screambeeps at me if I dare to take the keys out of the car (to run back into the house for something) and then turns the engine off again
7. Randomly refuses to connect phone via Bluetooth - sometimes will, sometimes won’t.

Im sure there are other things. I used to have a RAV4 and that had some sensible things like a really good selection of different beeps when you’re reversing to differentiate between a car and a person, plus the normal collision warnings but it wasn’t such a fussy old anxious moaner as this current car.

The sentient car I borrowed also reminded me to check for people in the back when I got in but I assumed it was a safety feature to check for intruders (aka random men) that may be hiding before I start driving.

@PolkaDotMankini mine also sends me a “warning” at 5 degrees of “icy” conditions, the stupid panicky idiot.

My DH gets very cross when our sat nav tells him to 'slow down'! He hates the fact that I then know he's breaking the speed limit!

Your car takes control of its own steering wheel? How was that approved? What if the car glitches and does it randomly or veers you too far off your side of the road? Awful awful awful. I also have ADHD and whilst I am a good driver, talking cars and my brain do not get along.

Omg I’ve found my people.
My new car complains about tyre pressure in cold days and then won’t turn the alarm off even when it stops being cold and the tyre pressure goes back to normal.
It takes over deciding when full beams should be on or off and then suddenly has a “visibility issue”. I think that’s just an excuse for the amount of times it has turned off full beams for freaking trees.
It also thinks I’m going to crash all the time and sounds the alarm (even my kids now shout “calm down ya idiot”), jerks the steering wheel if I go over any line (even just a mark in the road, not switching lanes, just anything that resembles a line) and thinks my work bag in the front seat needs to wear a belt.
It has recently asked for an oil change. The dealer seems to know about this and has emailed. It is not getting the oil change until I decide. Car needs to know who is boss.

Called lane assist, monitors your road position, warns you if you're drifting out of lane and should nudge you back in. Most useful on motorways

It's a Toyota Carrolla hybrid. I shouldn't complain really, sure it's just trying to save the planet (or justify it's lack of economy) but the last thing I need is something else judging me. At least it doesn't tut I suppose.

Wow. I recently bought a second hand car. Felt slightly sad I couldn’t get a new one. Now I’m bloody relieved!!