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AIBU?

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Original poster

DSD doesn’t want to go to Russia (I don’t blame her)

281 replies

CatherineEarnshawsGhost · 06/04/2023 16:26

Hello,

Just wanted to see what others think about this situation.

DSD (11) has three passports - A European one from her dad (not British, an EU), an Australian one and a Russian one. My DH’s exW is Russian and is planning a trip to visit family in the Urals during the Summer holidays. DSD’s mum is now in the process of renewing their Russian passports as I guess they have both lapsed.

I suppose it’ll be a bit of a rigmarole to get there as they’ll have to fly via Turkey to get to Moscow. When they do get there I think they’d have to rely on cash (Rubles) as western bank cards won’t work and their British phones will probably have to be switched off in advance because when the Russian phone company detects a UK phone number on their network they are likely to become highly suspicious and track that phone (I work in telecoms, this isn’t unfounded paranoia they can do this so probably will).

Now that DSD is aware of the plan she’s voicing the fact that she’s feeling a bit nervous at the prospect of going. Honestly I don’t blame her. DH is also quite worried and would rather they don’t risk it, but doesn’t want to stop his DD from seeing her GPs and GGM who is 89 (I think). Overall DH wants what’s best for his DD so that would probably mean not going to a hostile country which is currently at odds with the west. He’s just needs to diplomatically approach his exW for the best outcome (no idea how he does that so I’ll leave it to him).

AIBU for being a bit nervous about seeing DSD go off to Russia?

Anyone else experienced this (unlikely but just checking)

Thanks!

OP posts:
Amispringy · 07/04/2023 00:40

And @JTro I've already said how it disgusts me to hear about them living life as if their country isn't engaged in genocidal acts on a sovereign country. I'm not saying it's not true, I'm saying it disgusts me. Clearly sanctions need to be firmer. Maybe then they'll wake up to what is being done in their name

Amispringy · 07/04/2023 00:43

Winking and joking and mocking with absolutely no self awareness or self reflection. Says it all really.

JTro · 07/04/2023 00:45

Amispringy · 07/04/2023 00:40

And @JTro I've already said how it disgusts me to hear about them living life as if their country isn't engaged in genocidal acts on a sovereign country. I'm not saying it's not true, I'm saying it disgusts me. Clearly sanctions need to be firmer. Maybe then they'll wake up to what is being done in their name

Oh, and you can't imagine how it disgusts me to read rusophobic posts in here from "moral" people, mixing politics with family affair....
You proposals for firmer sanctions, I'm sure, you can organise in the form of petition, which can help you to feel less disgusted

herlightmaterials · 07/04/2023 00:46

JTro · 07/04/2023 00:34

Definitely, very different moral standards. My moral is telling me that saying final goodbye to my close relative is a good thing and there is nothing wrong with that, even if that relative lives in the country which some mumsnetter consider "not moral and horrible".
About unaffected life of Russians. Once again - would you like to hear it as it is or would you like to hear the lie? Both versions are here, choose what is in accordance with you moral. But it's not going to change anything - it's still safe in there and people are living normal lives, no matter do you like it or not

Show quote history

I know it's safe in there for many people, you're absolutely right. There would not be a problem with being in Russia right now, were she not having the connections that she has and entering from a country Russia is almost at war with. It would probably be fine but there is also the unknown about how much relations could deteriorate between now and then it while she's there. You don't take a chance with your daughter because you are her advocate.

A caregiver could be targeted on a spurious charge. Official paranoia (whether genuine or self serving) about the English link could lead to false accusations against family members causing her distress and insecurity. At the end of the day, you don't put a child in that position. This has nothing to do with how normal, harmless and safe it is for everyone going about their usual routine in Russia.

Amispringy · 07/04/2023 00:46

And the language is slipping

What a surprise

JTro · 07/04/2023 00:50

Amispringy · 07/04/2023 00:43

Winking and joking and mocking with absolutely no self awareness or self reflection. Says it all really.

agree, says it all - mixing politics and family relationship (horrible people as were born in horrible country, so not "moral" then)very classy. Funny to hear about winking and self reflection from a person who is fine laughing about someone elses's country..

Amispringy · 07/04/2023 00:53

@JTro I don't imagine anyone is laughing.

It's beyond tragic, even if you think it's a big joke

herlightmaterials · 07/04/2023 00:53

Amispringy · 07/04/2023 00:40

And @JTro I've already said how it disgusts me to hear about them living life as if their country isn't engaged in genocidal acts on a sovereign country. I'm not saying it's not true, I'm saying it disgusts me. Clearly sanctions need to be firmer. Maybe then they'll wake up to what is being done in their name

They're just ordinary people. They can't change the system that they were born into. They've had it really, really tough for generations.

Amispringy · 07/04/2023 00:54

Sorry for derailing OP

It's nice that your DSD is having her own doubts. You've all clearly brought her up with values and sensitivity

JTro · 07/04/2023 00:56

herlightmaterials · 07/04/2023 00:46

I know it's safe in there for many people, you're absolutely right. There would not be a problem with being in Russia right now, were she not having the connections that she has and entering from a country Russia is almost at war with. It would probably be fine but there is also the unknown about how much relations could deteriorate between now and then it while she's there. You don't take a chance with your daughter because you are her advocate.

A caregiver could be targeted on a spurious charge. Official paranoia (whether genuine or self serving) about the English link could lead to false accusations against family members causing her distress and insecurity. At the end of the day, you don't put a child in that position. This has nothing to do with how normal, harmless and safe it is for everyone going about their usual routine in Russia.

Show quote history

Lots' of people here with English link have already mentioned how they visited relatives there (and I'm one of them, and my kids went with me) and everything was fine. How thing will be nobody knows unfortunately. Her GGM is very unwell and if that's the reason for the visit, there is nothing wrong. Her mum is taking her there just for that.

JTro · 07/04/2023 00:57

Amispringy · 07/04/2023 00:53

@JTro I don't imagine anyone is laughing.

It's beyond tragic, even if you think it's a big joke

really? would you like to reflect to one of your prevoius posts? and "these" people tells me about moral.....

JTro · 07/04/2023 00:58

Amispringy · 07/04/2023 00:46

And the language is slipping

What a surprise

look who is telling that!

Amispringy · 07/04/2023 00:59

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JTro · 07/04/2023 01:00

herlightmaterials · 07/04/2023 00:53

They're just ordinary people. They can't change the system that they were born into. They've had it really, really tough for generations.

Show quote history

Finally someone, who got the point. Thank you for that!

Amispringy · 07/04/2023 01:00

@JTro Sorry. I don't understand your later posts.

JTro · 07/04/2023 01:06

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Please show the example how to do it. You have a good opportunity right now. Lots of people in London are against the ULEZ expansion, they voted against it, they went to demonstrations, but Mayor of London ignores them and do what he likes. Please show how to make him listen and do what most londoners want. I'm sure you know how to do it, as you give Russians advice how to deal with their situation.

JTro · 07/04/2023 01:07

Amispringy · 07/04/2023 01:00

@JTro Sorry. I don't understand your later posts.

I've noticed you do not understand... not only the later posts

JTro · 07/04/2023 01:08

Amispringy · 07/04/2023 00:36

It's a bit more than "some mumsnetters" that have that view Grin

Copying your post again re laughing .... still don't understand?

Amispringy · 07/04/2023 01:08

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JTro · 07/04/2023 01:10

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Amispringy · 07/04/2023 01:11

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JTro · 07/04/2023 01:13

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I'm not ashamed of any of my countries, I'm ashamed of arrogant snobbish people in both of my countries, thanks god there are not a lot of them...but they are still there and some of them think they have a right to teach me or others about moral

Amispringy · 07/04/2023 01:14

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JTro · 07/04/2023 01:14

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That's what I was talking about in my previous post. Snobbish and arrogant.

Amispringy · 07/04/2023 01:16

Snobbish? I'll take that, given the circumstances and definition.

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