DSD doesn’t want to go to Russia (I don’t blame her)

[CatherineEarnshawsGhost]

Hello,

Just wanted to see what others think about this situation.

DSD (11) has three passports - A European one from her dad (not British, an EU), an Australian one and a Russian one. My DH’s exW is Russian and is planning a trip to visit family in the Urals during the Summer holidays. DSD’s mum is now in the process of renewing their Russian passports as I guess they have both lapsed.

I suppose it’ll be a bit of a rigmarole to get there as they’ll have to fly via Turkey to get to Moscow. When they do get there I think they’d have to rely on cash (Rubles) as western bank cards won’t work and their British phones will probably have to be switched off in advance because when the Russian phone company detects a UK phone number on their network they are likely to become highly suspicious and track that phone (I work in telecoms, this isn’t unfounded paranoia they can do this so probably will).

Now that DSD is aware of the plan she’s voicing the fact that she’s feeling a bit nervous at the prospect of going. Honestly I don’t blame her. DH is also quite worried and would rather they don’t risk it, but doesn’t want to stop his DD from seeing her GPs and GGM who is 89 (I think). Overall DH wants what’s best for his DD so that would probably mean not going to a hostile country which is currently at odds with the west. He’s just needs to diplomatically approach his exW for the best outcome (no idea how he does that so I’ll leave it to him).

AIBU for being a bit nervous about seeing DSD go off to Russia?

Anyone else experienced this (unlikely but just checking)

Thanks!

Exactly! Instead of thinking how horrible and dangerous trip to Russia will be (it will not!), I would focus on her mum position - would she come back (have a job/house/partner/other chikdren here) or she is planning to stay here (no more ties with UK)

God forbid OP cares about her husband's child who she undoubtedly has a bond with! She's not gone in all guns blazing ffs, she's seeking advice on an internet forum presumably to discuss with her husband who seems in 2 minds, that's what a marriage is.

We’ve been over to Russia on holidays and had some fantastic times but at the present time and in the foreseeable future we won’t be going again. I’d advise against it, I think there’s too many risks attached.

I'd echo what @SummerBump23 said on page 1. We're a mixed household and I am on a lot of very active discussion groups with Russian (and Russian-speaking) mums in London, so inevitably there's a lot of discussion about this. Broadly women and children are travelling in and out without issue and in significant numbers, of course taking into account the longer journey via Turkey etc. No incidents at all. No men travelling for the obvious reason.

That doesn't mean

that it's morally a good idea to do so
that things won't change for the worse overnight,

but with family there and the war basically kicking off as soon as covid restrictions went away, you can see why families carefully try to balance risks as best they can.

What happened to them? Were they arrested?

The dictatorship and the war are happening now though. I’m not holding against her something that has happened, I’m saying it would be dangerous for her to go there, especially with Russian nationality. As a later pp says, it might mean she doesn’t get consular assistance from her dad’s country if anything happens.

I also wouldn’t want my Dd to be in a position where other countries viewed or treated her as Russian.

Oh my... yep, she has to be ashamed to have a Russian mother! What a disaster!

PS: Was there someone mentioned "rusophobia"... just unbelievable!

So much hysterical scaremongering on this thread. Women with children travel to Russia all the time. My best friend has been 3 times with her children since the beginning of the war. Her sister who lives in Europe, twice. The Turkish resort we went to last year was full of Russians. For the vast majority of Russian people life carries on as normal.

no i wouldnt like that

she has no british pasport where was she born(sorry if i missed this)

what if they dont let her come back

What a mess for you all. I feel sorry for your DSD- it sounds like a wonderful trip in normal times, but not at the moment.
Haven't read whole thread- but a point others might not have made. If DSD travels on Russian passport, she will in all likelihood not have any access to EU or Australian consular support in case of things going wrong, and if she travels on her EU/Oz passport into Russia that will bring her unwanted attention.

I've traveled to Russia, Ukraine, Kazakstan etc etc, and would really love to again. The Kamchatka Peninsula looks fantastic, and on my next trip to Japan I'd love to take the boat up to Sakhalin. But until Putin is kicked out, I won't risk that on a British passport.

Good luck to you, whatever you decide. But please stay safe.

oh, no! how could you say that! she could be treated as a Russian in Turkey!😱

Yes- this is not a safeguarding issue. Teenage girls to Somalia yes for a 'special trip' but not this.

I was on Prospect Lenina...and we had to go to Moscow for supermarkets at that time; they didn't exist at all! It was like the wild west back then, but the Russians we met were fairly optimistic about the future. I then went to St P for the second half of the year - was terrible for my Russian as I lived with another English girl, but I spent hundreds of happy hours in the Hermitage, going to the opera/ballet/concerts etc!

I went back in 2010 for work, and Moscow felt menacing - I had my phone stolen and it just wasn't as open as it had been.

I obviously won't set foot on Russian soil while Putin is there, but I'd love to go back one day.

Women and children might currently be traveling to and from Russia all the time, if what some PPs claim is accurate.

However, that doesn’t mean the situation can’t and won’t change quickly. Putin is unstable and could literally take nuclear action, there could be a coup that closes the borders, there could be any number of geopolitical events that could kick off in an already extremely tense country that could change the situation overnight. No way in hell would I let my young child travel there and risk being separated for who knows how long.

I just wanted to thank you for your great post, particularly the focus on the moral aspect

It makes me feel nothing but disgust for the gleeful posts about how great it is in Russia and how they're not affected.

It's Russophobia like it or not she has strong familial links to Russia it can't be airbrushed out of her. She's 11 I hardly doubt Putrid would want to take a half russian hostage. She has no political value The Russophobia is allowing putrid to tighten his grip , imagine how awful it must be knowing most of the world hates you because of where you come from. There is no direct war within Russia. It would be risky if you or I went to visit because we are British citizens so automatically suspicious.

If she used to go to Russia most years and has always returned why would the DM change her mind and keep her there. Is she a Putin supporter ?

Oh, I’ve just seen that MNHQ deleted one of my earlier posts! I can’t remember what I said exactly but I may have made a throw away comment that came across badly and/or was crass. So sorry to anyone if I offended anyone, will be more mindful from in the future.

I hate Putin, everything he represents and all the misery has caused, but I would never hold this against ordinary Russians. I had a great experience on my year abroad, loved learning the language and met some amazing people (including my two хозяйки, Tamara and Anna). And I have nothing but respect for the Russians brave enough actually speak out against the war, finding out themselves locked up, like Ilya Yashin.

Would you prefer to read a lie then? Ok, as you wish! It's horrible and dangerous in Russia, Putin is standing by the border himself and bites every western passport holder infecting them with putinfection. Those who managed to escape the bite, die from vodka and horrible music produced by the bear with balalaika. Hope you feel better now.

On the seriouse note - ordinary Russians live their normal life, going on holidays, visiting relatives, working, etc. It is safe in there, they have food in the shops, cars on the road, trains on the tracks - all like in any other country. GGM of the OP DSD is very old and probably not going to be in this world for long, and there is nothing morally wrong to go and see her, probably for the last time

@JTro it's all just so hilarious isn't it.

Yes, it is, especially reading someone who has no idea what they are talking about, but somehow think they have a right to say what is morally right or wrong

Well @JTro we all have different moral standards and gloating about how Russians are living their life unaffected by what their country is doing is not something that sits well with me. But then I'm not Russian so, there's that

I know what I'm talking about and the poster I quoted does too. And she's right about ethics

But you do you.

@Panicmode1 I can imagine, I would have loved to have been there at that time to see what it was like it. By the point I was there consumerism had been fully embraced so wasn’t much of a culture shock, they eve had Starbucks and Costa (not that I could afford it or wanted to go to either). It felt like the tail end of the boom time.

I wanted to go to St P for the 2nd half of the year but my straight taking Russian grammar teacher at uni (an Estonian) talked me out of it. By that time it had become a very nationalistic city and quite hostile to foreign students so she felt Moscow was a a safer bet.

Would like to go back once Putin and United Russia are gone (unless the country ends up with someone worse) and Ukraine restored , but not likely to happen any time soon - realistically I don’t expect to ever go there again.

Definitely, very different moral standards. My moral is telling me that saying final goodbye to my close relative is a good thing and there is nothing wrong with that, even if that relative lives in the country which some mumsnetter consider "not moral and horrible".
About unaffected life of Russians. Once again - would you like to hear it as it is or would you like to hear the lie? Both versions are here, choose what is in accordance with you moral. But it's not going to change anything - it's still safe in there and people are living normal lives, no matter do you like it or not

It's a bit more than "some mumsnetters" that have that view

thanks god that's not all of mumsnetters like that! just a few, who knows a lot about "moral" towards elderly relatives😉