This "mother's" action seem cruel, that poor little girl

[Mylittlefanny]

I do believe that kids need firm boundaries. But refusing to let a grieving toddler into your bed at night after her dad died! Those poor kids look so unhappy. There is being firm and being cruel. 😭 That bit honestly made me so upset. I agree about chores, cooking and cleaning. But gloating to your kid and leave him shivering without a camping bag! Sorry 😐 that's not on. I wonder what her kids will feel like when they are older! And yes I do read the daily mail as despite some of the celeb shit they publish. They also occasionally do interesting stories and cover issues many other newspapers don't.

I'm such a strict mother, a parent reported me to social services mol.im/a/11942993 via https://dailym.ai/android

The whole family dynamic just seems so weird.

To be fair, I don’t think she was necessarily not comforting her, just not co sleeping. I know everyone on MN loves it but I just get no sleep when ds comes in with me, and more to the point, neither does he.

I do think she sounds way over the top, though.

Life’s hard, they’ll have inner resilience others lack. It was after the divorce she didn’t let the toddler sleep with her.

I know a woman who let her 13yo sleep with her every night, they aren’t close and the child’s moving away from her now.

No I never liked co sleeping would rather pull my own toe nails out personally. But if they were profoundly upset. I would let them on occasion. 🤷. I don't think it it as all or nothing situation.

Being treated harshly doesn't give children resilience. It makes them anxious and vulnerable.
Having secure relationships with someone nurturing who consistently meets your emotional needs in early childhood gives you inner resilience.

I thought the same OP. Imagine not letting your heartbroken little boy or girl into your bed at nighttime after her daddy has died, it's just heartless.

I don't mind the rest of it because in a few years time when she's on her death bed and potentially incontinent and her kids are just telling her to fuck off and sort herself out, it'll be her own fault.

I always got told how resilient I was a child, teenager, adult. No I was traumatised and had unhealthy coping mechanisms!

I let my kids come in if they are upset and generally, if I ask if they want me to tuck them into their own bed then they say yes as they're not sleeping either. I think you have to parent using rules as guidelines not as rigid boundaries.

I’m surprised that the Supervisors on her son’s camping trip didn’t phone her and ask her to collect her son since it was so cold and he didn’t have a sleeping bag. Or else they had a spare sleeping bag or blankets and gave them to her son.

There’s encouraging resilience and independence in your children which is entirely separate from being harsh and cold which is how that woman came across in the interview. Smug about being unfeeling and uncaring. The comment along the lines of no-one remembers who came second in the race/competition was disgusting.

People forget things all the time especially when leaving for a big trip e.g to go on holiday.
Leaving a child shivering in the cold because they forgot a sleeping bag is a step too far and borders on cruelty, especially mocking them through text for it.

Also pushing your child to do moderate exercise when they are feeling unwell, again too much for me.
In fact all of this is just awful and I would argue emotional abuse.
Just look at the kids faces, not a single smile.

Yes I agree smug and cold. I wonder what she would make of the stately homes thread!

I thought the children looked miserable dressed as pirates. She needs to get up to date with current thinking.

She seems so cold about handling their grief. It’s not a good thing that she just kept them going to school and doing all their chores just after their dad died. Where was their space to grieve the way they needed rather than the way she permitted?

Ah well, advertising your emotional abuse and neglect of your children is always going to get a website plenty of clickthroughs.

At least one will end up an abuser themselves, the other(s) will be completely ill equipped to identify further abusers, as all somebody will have to do is give them the slightest scrap of attention or warmth and they'll fall head over heels in desperation for affection.

She'd get on like a house on fire with the woman who birthed me.

I found it appalling that she didn't understand her son needed to rest and recover when he was well rather than playing in a match. Also that she didn't recognise her responsibility to ensure her son was properly geared up for sub zero temperatures at the age of fourteen.

The only photo where her kids looked remotely happy was the one with their late dad.

Her methods involve her getting to see her son play as if he wasn't sick, not having to drive back with a sleeping bag etc.

She's building nothing. And I'm not a permissive parent.

when he was ill

@herlightmaterials

Yep, and there's a good reason why you're not supposed to exercise when you are sick. Puts strain on your immune system and increases risk of pneumonia/other infections.

She's raising children who don't know their own needs and won't be able to acknowledge them, know they're valid or meet them. That doesn't necessarily mean they'll have the resilience - quite the opposite.

I also hated the term “average is a dirty word” what will she do if one of her children do badly in exams as they are too busy working in her catering company every weekend, kick them out or disown them?
Forcing her son to push through in county level rugby when sick could also massively backfire. She didn’t mention what her ex died from but if it had a genetic component, she’s just taught her son to ignore illness and continue without proper medical care. This is a recipe for disaster in both cancer and heart disease, common reasons for early death in men.

If that scout camp thing is actually true then the leaders should have been reported for allowing that to happen - I’ve led similar trips with groups of kids and I’d never ever have let a child go without a sleeping bag like that, especially in freezing weather. Either I’d have had a spare to give them or I’d have insisted the mother collect the child. That’s just plain dangerous and completely irresponsible.

The mother sounds plain sadistic - fancy sending a photo of the sleeping bag all cosy in the hall to your freezing child. There’s a big difference between not coddling your kids/expecting them to be responsible and being absolutely heartless.

You are 100% right about this.

I wish more people understood this.

Children don't need resilience, they need to feel loved, safe, seen and heard and to know their parents are always there when needed. That will help them grow into resilient, independent, emotionally healthy adults.

This. The mother was just pushing teh problem onto the camp leaders who have a duty of care for the child and would be responsible for sorting something out for him

Yes the kids looked so unhappy in the photos, apart from the one with their dad. The girl especially she almost looks haunted. Im not a perfect parent I make mistakes I'm not looking down from my ivory tower. But bringing your son's sleeping bag is just cruel. Kids forget stuff. What parent wants their kid to suffer and potentially get unwell?? If it was a toothbrush or a games console It would be crap for the kid. But I wouldn't drop them off. But a sleeping bag is different. Imagine that poor girl going back to her bed, by herself knowing she wasnt being comforted. May be slightly projecting as it happened to me when I was a kid. But kids need love and stability.