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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is an excessive amount of drinking?

152 replies

WinoOrWinning · 06/04/2023 10:38

Long story short, but my family (husband and 2 young children) are on holiday with some of my other family members.

My immediate family don't drink much. Only a glass while socialising when out. So maybe once a month. We don't drink at home. The other members of my family we are holidaying with seem to be drinking quite a lot. I am somewhat used to this as I grew up with them. But my husband and children did not. I know my husband is biting his tongue at the amount they're drinking and feels it's not a good influence for the children to see and also feels I should be saying something because they're all quite overweight and it's obviously not healthy to consumer so many empty calories. I don't feel it's really my place to tell grown adults they shouldn't be drinking because of their health. They can see how big they are, and no adult likes to be told what to do.

I feel a bit stuck between the two sides. The other family members aren't drinking enough to get drunk (there are 3), but they are going through about 3-4 bottles of wine a day. Having it as their only liquid with lunch and dinner as well as after.

Out of curiosity (because we don't really drink) is this considered an excessive amount of alcohol to consume daily? Or is it fairly normal? I'm quite shocked to see the amount of empty bottles accumulating after only a few days so far. AIBU to think that 3-4 bottles of wine a day split between 3 people is too much? Or is this the norm?

OP posts:
AspiringMermaid · 06/04/2023 13:06

For god's sake please don't confront them, judgemental comments coming from you and your husband will likely insult them, might ruin the mood, but will definitely not change them, nothing you can say will effect on their lifestyle choices.
This won't poorly influence your son, I hope your husband can get down from his high horse

LumpySpaceGoddess · 06/04/2023 13:17

It sounds excessive to me but it’s not going to have an impact on your children, especially if you’ve already discussed these issues with them. It’s a bit odd that your DH feels so strongly that he wants you to have a word with them, different people have different lifestyles and habits.

TruffleWaffle · 06/04/2023 13:19

Are you sad because they're fat or sad because on holiday they're drinking more than you think is acceptable?

Or both?

KittyAlfred · 06/04/2023 13:26

weddingdaydancet · 06/04/2023 10:55

And the op. Utterly aappalling. It’s not even excessive. Far from it.

really unpleasant behaviour from the pair of them. I hope their families don’t know what horrible people they are

Show quote history

Putting aside whether or not they should be judging them, are you not aware that drinking a bottle of wine each day is excessive? I think facts like this are quite widely publicised.

begoneday · 06/04/2023 13:27

If you don’t drink regularly at home, a bottle a day would be noticeable , in terms of behaviour. But for people who drink a lot normally , one bottle a day is unlikely to cause your DC to notice them acting oddly so I wouldn’t worry too much.

KittyAlfred · 06/04/2023 13:28

Yes it’s excessive, and would be very worrying if they drank like this in daily life, not just on holiday. But unless they’re getting drunk and disrupting plans, I wouldn’t let it bother me, and I certainly wouldn’t say anything. They’re not your close family, they’re stupid to be so unhealthy but it’s their choice and not really your problem. I wouldn’t worry about any influence on your kids in such a short period of time, they’ll have forgotten about it be next week, if they’re even noticing now.

DrManhattan · 06/04/2023 13:31

It is excessive if you go by the unit allowance.

kezzielea · 06/04/2023 13:33

Are you sure it's not just because they're on holiday? I also rarely drink at home, probably have a glass of wine every couple of months, but drink daily when on holiday. I guess it just adds to the relaxation.

QforCucumber · 06/04/2023 13:35

Wonder how you’d judge us OP 😂 we’re both in healthy BMI and still happily drink a bottle of wine a day on holiday. That’s 3 glasses per person per day.

at home though I drink maybe 3-4 times a year

weddingdaydancet · 06/04/2023 13:37

KittyAlfred · 06/04/2023 13:26

Putting aside whether or not they should be judging them, are you not aware that drinking a bottle of wine each day is excessive? I think facts like this are quite widely publicised.

Show quote history

Are you not aware rhe liver is regenerative and the guidance is on routinely drinking this amount, not just for an isolated limited period on holiday?

RubyMurry22 · 06/04/2023 13:37

A bottle of wine is 6 regular glasses isn’t it, not 3? I think glasses have got much bigger! Not that I’d have a problem with it.

weddingdaydancet · 06/04/2023 13:38

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 06/04/2023 13:04

And yaabu with the drip feeds where you increase their drinking with every new post, and makes me doubt your impartiality in presenting the facts.

Yes they are now full blown alkies and getting fatter with every drip feed.

tattygrl · 06/04/2023 13:39

In my view, it's definitely excessive, but within the realm of what is normalised. It's not overtly binge drinking, even though objectively, in terms of how the human body responds to alcohol, it's harmful and too much to be healthy. Many, many people will drink this as standard on holiday, though.

jemimapuddlepluck · 06/04/2023 13:40

WinoOrWinning · 06/04/2023 12:15

Two are for sure. One has been to AA previously and had quite drinking for years, but is now drinking again. Luckily not to excess and into a stupor as they did previously. The other drinks 1-2 bottles daily wherever they are and I do find it incredibly sad to see that they feel they need to drink like that to have an enjoyable evening.

But to each their own I guess. It's my husband that is judgemental and putting me in an awkward situation, but obviously I don't say anything to them as I know it's not my place. But I do find it very sad.

Show quote history

Then tell your husband to shut the fuck up and stop ruining your holiday. I have a BIL that sounds like your DH, went to Kraków with him and his wife for a weekend just before covid hit. Won't be doing it again. And I don't drink! Talk about uptight.

Mrsjayy · 06/04/2023 13:42

Your husband sounds an absolute troll the family members are probably knocking back the wine so he is sufferable. Next holiday go yourselves clearly a family holiday isn't working for him/you.

Disco2023 · 06/04/2023 13:43

Probably needing the alcohol to be able to put up with the judging and disdain from their so called family members.

They will see those judging looks, probably also hear little barbed comments to your children too. They are probably hyper aware you are the opposite to them too.

Don’t go on holiday with if you are going to be ashamed of them. Not everyone is the same. They are on holiday FFS.

Mincepieeyes22 · 06/04/2023 13:44

weddingdaydancet · 06/04/2023 13:38

Yes they are now full blown alkies and getting fatter with every drip feed.

Show quote history

That must be a 40% abv drip feed 😂😂😂

PinkyFlamingo · 06/04/2023 13:46

Inaea · 06/04/2023 12:02

They’re alcoholics OP but there is nothing you can do about it.

Don't be so ridiculous, what a stupid judgemental thing to say! Alcoholics because they enjoy a bottle of wine a day on holiday haha.

LuckySantangelo35 · 06/04/2023 14:47

@Inaea

theyre alcoholics cos they drink on holiday??
behave yourself

randomuser2020 · 07/04/2023 18:22

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Vegetus · 07/04/2023 18:38

Yeah unfortunately your children will grow up to be alcoholics now.

TellHimDirectlyInDetail · 07/04/2023 18:44

I don't understand why you feel your husband is putting you in an awkward place, has he actually asked or told you to confront them about it?

They are allowed to drink.
Your husband is allowed to judge.
You as a family are allowed to distance yourself from them.

Talking to them about it on holiday is unreasonable and pointless.

OrangeVelour · 07/04/2023 18:49

YABU. They're on holiday. They're there to relax and enjoy themselves.

widowtwankywashroom · 07/04/2023 18:58

You sound like a barrel of laughs OP
Glad I'm not on bloody holiday with you!
Bloody love wine at lunch, cheeky g and t then a snooze in the sun!

ChristineCricket · 07/04/2023 19:07

This wouldn’t be my idea of a fun holiday which is why I like to go away with just my own immediate family.
Not your business though, and you sound so judgemental when you speak about other people weight. For gods sake keep your trap shut and then decide whether this is the type of holiday you will enjoy in future.
For what it’s worth we have family who are like this at every family get together and it has really put my own children off drinking. They hate being around heavy drinkers.