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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is an excessive amount of drinking?

152 replies

WinoOrWinning · 06/04/2023 10:38

Long story short, but my family (husband and 2 young children) are on holiday with some of my other family members.

My immediate family don't drink much. Only a glass while socialising when out. So maybe once a month. We don't drink at home. The other members of my family we are holidaying with seem to be drinking quite a lot. I am somewhat used to this as I grew up with them. But my husband and children did not. I know my husband is biting his tongue at the amount they're drinking and feels it's not a good influence for the children to see and also feels I should be saying something because they're all quite overweight and it's obviously not healthy to consumer so many empty calories. I don't feel it's really my place to tell grown adults they shouldn't be drinking because of their health. They can see how big they are, and no adult likes to be told what to do.

I feel a bit stuck between the two sides. The other family members aren't drinking enough to get drunk (there are 3), but they are going through about 3-4 bottles of wine a day. Having it as their only liquid with lunch and dinner as well as after.

Out of curiosity (because we don't really drink) is this considered an excessive amount of alcohol to consume daily? Or is it fairly normal? I'm quite shocked to see the amount of empty bottles accumulating after only a few days so far. AIBU to think that 3-4 bottles of wine a day split between 3 people is too much? Or is this the norm?

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 06/04/2023 10:58

weddingdaydancet · 06/04/2023 10:52

so a bottle a day is a glass with lunch and two with dinner, not excessive on holiday.

I find the bigger crime you and your husbands judgemental attitude about their size and the empty calories etc.

I agree with this.

Not excessive for holiday. Their weight is none of your business.

NancyJoan · 06/04/2023 10:58

A couple of glasses of wine at lunch and again at dinner while on holiday doesn’t seem like a cause for concern to me. They are unlikely to do the same at home if they are employed. I assume no one is expecting you or your DH to do the same.

weddingdaydancet · 06/04/2023 10:59

do you think these other family members are enjoying you and your family's company?

i was thinking that, the two of them bitching behind these peoples backs and the op supposed to tell them it’s excessive and unhealthy as they are fat. It’s horrible

DonnaRix · 06/04/2023 11:00

this thread says far more about you and your husband than it does about your family members.

but at least you and your husband sound well matched.

ThreeblackCats · 06/04/2023 11:00

I’m more concerned that you’re raising your children to think it’s ok to make sweeping generalisations and to judge people by your standards.
try taking your head out of your arse op, you are not sounding as superior as you think you do!

HelpsHeal · 06/04/2023 11:01

One bottle over the course of the day, on holiday is not excessive.

Do you judge all differences so harshly? They're not doing you any harm, they're not getting drunk, if you don't want your DC to see such behaviour you'd better not go an on any resort holiday ever.

bellsbuss · 06/04/2023 11:02

I would hate to be on a holiday with OP and her husband

RubyMurry22 · 06/04/2023 11:02

YABVVU if I was then I would never go on holiday with you again and I say that as a non-drinker.

MischiefManagedAlways · 06/04/2023 11:02

Some people just love to suck the joy out of everything. If it’s not impeding on your holiday and your family in anyway, let them crack on.

FixTheBone · 06/04/2023 11:03

GasPanic · 06/04/2023 10:46

So per person a bottle of wine per day.

It's a bit on the heavy side if you are at home quaffing it in front of the telly every evening.

But on holiday or at Christmas when people let their hair down and relax a bit it's not that much and you are right, not really anyone else's business.

If you are that concerned about their influence on your kids, maybe a better idea not to go away with them in the first place.

My guess is opinions may differ:)

Not sure how somebodies liver enzymes and hepatocytes know whether they are on holiday or not....

A bottle of wine per day is about 5x over the recommended maximum safe alcohol intake, a bottle in one day even if it's a one off would count as a binge for anyone sticking to recommended weekly limits.

weddingdaydancet · 06/04/2023 11:04

Op are you and your husband behaving like this within earshot of your children? Can they hear the both of you being this judgemental?

because that’s very damaging. It’s obvious you and your husband have some quite signficant issues and your behaviour is deeply unhealthy but you need to try to not expose it to your children.

Newname221 · 06/04/2023 11:04

Op, your username is gross too.

Abstinence is not necessarily a healthy attitude to alcohol either. Actually, it sounds like your family members have got a healthy attitude to alcohol for a holiday environment - drinking with food, not getting drunk, spreading their drinks out over the course of a day rather than bingeing a bottle at bedtime.

A bottle of wine wouldn’t make me particularly drunk; and I’m not a big drinker myself - although I definitely do drink more on holiday!

Their weight is irrelevant.

shivawn · 06/04/2023 11:05

also feels I should be saying something because they're all quite overweight and it's obviously not healthy to consumer so many empty calories.

Your husband sounds unpleasant, like he has more of a problem with their weight than their drinking. Empty calories? Just let them enjoy their holiday.

Bumbers · 06/04/2023 11:05

Totally reasonable for holiday.

Growlybear83 · 06/04/2023 11:07

I don't think that's excessive at all if it includes lunch and dinner, especially on holiday.

Oakyloaky · 06/04/2023 11:07

So if they were slim would it be ok for them to be enjoying their holiday with a few glasses of wine a day?!!
Am afraid you come across as if their weight is your main issue!
How old are your children? Do you normally discuss people’s weight with them ?

qpmz · 06/04/2023 11:08

L3ThirtySeven · 06/04/2023 10:49

It’s excessive drinking but nothing you can do about it except speak to your DC in an age appropriate way about alcohol and its effects on health and that sometimes adults choose to do unhealthy things which make them feel like crap and so unable to run around/exercise because they’re hung over.

Young children don't know what booze is or the implications- no need to sit them down and explain! Keep them innocent - all they care about is fun, love and attention which I'm sure they're getting

ClarissaExplainsSome · 06/04/2023 11:08

They are on holiday.. unless they are acting inappropriately I don't understand what your issue is?

It's none of your business and teaching your kids to judge other people (especially family!!) like that isn't great either tbh..

AlltheFs · 06/04/2023 11:08

I’m fully expecting to drink a bottle of wine to myself or equivalent most days on holiday. I don’t do that every day at home, only weekends (and not every one at that, I don’t drink every week) but on holiday I will.
We have DD with us so daytime will be less but once she is in bed I’ll knock back a couple of large glasses on the terrace for sure.
I am not healthy on holiday. I can’t imagine being that upright. What a load of fun sponges.

GoodChat · 06/04/2023 11:08

A bottle a day on holiday really isn't that much.

Dotjones · 06/04/2023 11:09

An adult drinking a bottle of wine over the course of a day on holiday wouldn't seem excessive or unusual to me. I think you're looking at it through a very biased set of eyes, a glass a month is incredibly little for someone to drink so when you see people drinking a normal amount it seems like a lot.

I don't think you should "say something" to them. Would you consider it fair if they "said something" to you about your low intake?

EggyBreads · 06/04/2023 11:10

They're on holiday 🤷🏼‍♀️

Maybe don't go on holiday again with these obese alcoholics that you look down on so much.

FixTheBone · 06/04/2023 11:10

Mumsnet is awesome.

Everyone freaking out yesterday because someone gave their kid a peanut.

Nobody today thinks drinking 5x over the daily limit is anything to worry about....

I'm constantly astounded.

Notonthestairs · 06/04/2023 11:12

There isn't two sides here - but you are trying to make it that way.
Let them enjoy their holiday their way and you concentrate on your own.

weddingdaydancet · 06/04/2023 11:12

How did you get to this place op. Were you always like this, or have you just married someone deeply unpleasant and decided to go with it.

this is your family, they love you enough to go on holiday with them. They aren’t even getting drunk, and your husband is judging them for their weight and having three or four glasses of wine with meals on holiday.

what do you think you’re teaching your children? On how to treat those you love or care about. How to behave with common decency. Why did you even go on holiday with them when all you both wanted to do is watch them with cruel eyes and talk about them behind their backs

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