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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is an excessive amount of drinking?

152 replies

WinoOrWinning · 06/04/2023 10:38

Long story short, but my family (husband and 2 young children) are on holiday with some of my other family members.

My immediate family don't drink much. Only a glass while socialising when out. So maybe once a month. We don't drink at home. The other members of my family we are holidaying with seem to be drinking quite a lot. I am somewhat used to this as I grew up with them. But my husband and children did not. I know my husband is biting his tongue at the amount they're drinking and feels it's not a good influence for the children to see and also feels I should be saying something because they're all quite overweight and it's obviously not healthy to consumer so many empty calories. I don't feel it's really my place to tell grown adults they shouldn't be drinking because of their health. They can see how big they are, and no adult likes to be told what to do.

I feel a bit stuck between the two sides. The other family members aren't drinking enough to get drunk (there are 3), but they are going through about 3-4 bottles of wine a day. Having it as their only liquid with lunch and dinner as well as after.

Out of curiosity (because we don't really drink) is this considered an excessive amount of alcohol to consume daily? Or is it fairly normal? I'm quite shocked to see the amount of empty bottles accumulating after only a few days so far. AIBU to think that 3-4 bottles of wine a day split between 3 people is too much? Or is this the norm?

OP posts:

Desperatelywantinganother · 06/04/2023 11:42

I understand OP. My family are also more like 1 glass a month drinkers and it was jarring to me to realize that many people drink a fair amount all the time. As a young adult going out to bars it seemed to fit, but then the whole bottle of wine each every day on holiday in front of the kids sort of drinking did shock me. Because I didn’t grow up around adults who like a drink more than occasionally, I always assumed everyone cuts way back when they have kids and at family occasions. I’ve had to adjust my expectations because I can’t control what other adults choose to drink and if they aren’t actually getting drunk, it’s difficult to object.
Easy things I do in similar situations and that you can do to improve the image your kids are getting atm :
Put water on the table for every meal and pour everyone a glass. Don’t worry about whether your relatives actually drink it.
Model good drinking behavior for your kids. If one of you is driving, go straight for the soft drinks and state out loud why you’re doing it - none of this, one beer and you’re probably still under the limit nonsense. Don’t let relatives drive your kids anywhere if they’ve had a glass.
If you want a drink, have it. Then a soft drink, then maybe one more drink if you want it! Let your kids see you actively thinking about your alcohol intake and limiting it to just a couple of drinks, interspersed with soft drinks or water.

Minfilia · 06/04/2023 11:42

Judgmental much?

They’re on holiday. It’s fine.

FrenchandSaunders · 06/04/2023 11:43

In fact you would make me drink more …. maybe that’s why they’re doing it!

ApolloandDaphne · 06/04/2023 11:45

I'm fat and enjoy a drink or three on holiday. I don't want to be your friend.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 06/04/2023 11:46

Your husband needs to stop being judgmental and unpleasant.

But your attitude is hardly any better - you're going to give your children some serious issues if you don't relax and stop being so critical of other people's choices.

Newname221 · 06/04/2023 11:46

aNewYorkerInLondon · 06/04/2023 11:39

When I got to university, most of the students that came from very strict, judgmental families were the ones who were binge drinking to passing out at least three nights per week.

Those of us who'd been exposed in a moderate way did not go nuts like that.

On holiday, it's completely normal to have wine with lunch and dinner. Spread over the day like that they're probably not even getting beyond the legal driving limit.

I'd be more concerned with your end your husband's obvious contempt for others and failure to cope with people who are different from you. This is poor behavior to model to your children.

I’d agree, completely.

My parents - and my best friends parents - had agreed that they would give us a bottle of wine to share on the odd weekend, from age 16ish. My parents barely drank themselves but recognised that my peer group did drink; and would rather I was safe at home drinking rather than getting a random old man to “jump in” for me and drinking a bottle of strongbow and then sleeping in a field. In our peer group; we were among a very small group who were “allowed” to drink.

When I started uni and moved into halls; I used to have a glass of wine or a pint of cider at a pub quiz, and then go home. My friends would fall about drunk, vomiting everywhere.

Now don’t get me wrong I did have the odd night where I did take it too far; but it wasn’t several nights a week like it was for my friends. More like twice a year.

randomuser2020 · 06/04/2023 11:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Jagoda · 06/04/2023 11:52

I don’t drink alcohol at all, but I don’t think the outlined consumption is at all unusual on holiday.

My holiday mates would probably triple that!!

You say they aren’t drunk, so what’s your actual problem?

randomuser2020 · 06/04/2023 11:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Snugglemonkey · 06/04/2023 11:54

weddingdaydancet · 06/04/2023 10:57

What’s going to impact the kids is their parents judgey uptight behaviour to people they are supposed to love.

Show quote history

I totally agree!

Shinyandnew1 · 06/04/2023 11:55

Perhaps go on holiday on your own in future…

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 06/04/2023 11:59

They're on holiday and having fun - leave it alone. Honestly, you come across as very judgmental.

Inaea · 06/04/2023 12:02

They’re alcoholics OP but there is nothing you can do about it.

HelpsHeal · 06/04/2023 12:03

Inaea · 06/04/2023 12:02

They’re alcoholics OP but there is nothing you can do about it.

They're alcoholics who start drinking at lunch and make a bottle of wine last all day? 😆

weddingdaydancet · 06/04/2023 12:04

Inaea · 06/04/2023 12:02

They’re alcoholics OP but there is nothing you can do about it.

Nap1983 · 06/04/2023 12:09

What a typical mumsnet thread with typical mums eg responses… out of curiosity, why did you book a holiday with your fat, unhealthy alcoholic family? Surprised you and your healthy bunch aren’t off at some health farm. I get the vibe from you that the boozing wouldn’t be as bad if they were thin…

Original poster

WinoOrWinning · 06/04/2023 12:09

Not read every single reply as I'm enjoying my holiday with our family. And yes of course they are enjoying our company! Not seen them in years. Yes my husband is very judgemental and it annoys me because he puts me between a rock and a hard place.

Obviously I have not said anything to them about their drinking or anything else, so of course they're enjoying the holiday. I am too! They obviously don't know that I'm sad to see them drinking so much, but no one has vocalised it to them. The one making the issue to me is my husband who admittedly is quite judgmental.

As for their weight, they are all between 18-25 stone. The lightest one is the most vocal about them all losing weight. Not me or anyone else. The one I am closest too can barely walk and has to shuffle slowly and is restricted as to where they can come with us if we go out. It makes me so sad to know that cutting down on simple things like alcohol could have a massive difference in their quality of life and the way they're able to interact with my children they were so excited to see.

My children are at an age where they're impressionable, and the conversation at the table or throughout the day is often focused on alcohol, so it worries me that they may think this is normal. I wouldn't have an issue with it so much if it was just a whiny they enjoyed to do on holiday, but the fact that I know they drink a bottle to two a night at home as well is worrying and sad for their health. It is not just a holiday thing. But just more visible while we are all on holiday together.

We'll all continue to enjoy our holiday and each others company just as we have been.

OP posts:

Original poster

WinoOrWinning · 06/04/2023 12:15

Inaea · 06/04/2023 12:02

They’re alcoholics OP but there is nothing you can do about it.

Two are for sure. One has been to AA previously and had quite drinking for years, but is now drinking again. Luckily not to excess and into a stupor as they did previously. The other drinks 1-2 bottles daily wherever they are and I do find it incredibly sad to see that they feel they need to drink like that to have an enjoyable evening.

But to each their own I guess. It's my husband that is judgemental and putting me in an awkward situation, but obviously I don't say anything to them as I know it's not my place. But I do find it very sad.

OP posts:

Middletoleft · 06/04/2023 12:16

It sounds like a lot but they're on holiday and over the duration of the day it's not as bad as it sounds.

AddictedToPaintTesters · 06/04/2023 12:16

I really don't think you need to spend much time stressing to your children how much you despise your family members for being overweight and drinking on holidays. Your attitude no doubt seeps from you constantly. I think the only thing you need to worry about is your children growing up to be as judgemental as yourself and your husband.

kingofchaos · 06/04/2023 12:17

Why are you on holiday with them if you find them so distasteful?

JamonEverybody · 06/04/2023 12:17

turtlemurtle1982 · 06/04/2023 10:54

I don't think a bottle a day whilst on holiday spread between a glass at lunch and 2-3 at dinner/ night time. It sounds like you're embarrassed by how they look though.

I agree with this.

And of course you don't say anything to your relatives about their weight!

I'm not a fan of excessive drinking, but I don't think a couple glasses with lunch and dinner on holiday is excessive.

Your DH needs to wind his neck in. If they were slurring/staggering/passing out I'd be concerned, but their behaviour doesn't sound extreme at all.

Growlybear83 · 06/04/2023 12:17

Inaea · 06/04/2023 12:02

They’re alcoholics OP but there is nothing you can do about it.

I think this is one of the funniest comments I've ever read on Mumsnet. Or was it meant to be tongue in cheek?

JamonEverybody · 06/04/2023 12:19

EggyBreads · 06/04/2023 11:10

They're on holiday 🤷🏼‍♀️

Maybe don't go on holiday again with these obese alcoholics that you look down on so much.

Yep.

LuckySantangelo35 · 06/04/2023 12:21

@WinoOrWinning

you and your husband sound a right barrel of laughs!!

not.

very judgmental

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