To my husband

[Rosebel]

I rather suspect I am actually. So this week I've been on holiday, first one this year. I was really looking forward to it.
Monday morning DH is moaning how ill he is and that he probably has Covid. Didn't go to work and asked me to buy a Covid testing kit. I did, even though I don't see the point of testing anymore and it's negative. Twice. So just a cold.
If it was me I'd go in to work on Tuesday but he didn't and has stayed at home, moaning how ill he is.
However that's not why I'm annoyed. DS has been at home but he's going to nursery tomorrow as they're having an Easter treat day. DH said he'd take him in and pick him up. But tonight he started drinking (so obviously not that I'll). I reminded him about driving tomorrow. DH said I can't take him in. I'm ill.
I said It's a cold
DH I still feel shit and I can't take him incase someone from work sees me.
Now given I'm supposed to be on holiday I was really hoping to have a couple of drinks tonight and a lie in tomorrow but obviously l can't do either now.
Okay DH isn't well but it's only a cold. I just carry on with a cold.
Surely he could drop off DS tomorrow? Too late now he's been drinking but should ILTB (lighthearted, sort of).
YABU he's ill leave him to his dressing gown of doom
YANBU it's a cold. He needs to get over it

This is why I always go away when I'm on holiday! When I was younger, my holiday was always sabotaged by someone! I like to sew so I go to a hotel and take my machine. I can swim, eat and sew to my hearts content plus go out for the odd tourist day!

In my book, if you're well enough to be drinking in the evening, you're well enough to go into work

Drinking alcohol has absolutely nothing to do how poorly someone is.

I don’t often drink but I do when I’m poorly as it makes me feel better.
That doesn’t mean I’m faking it or a loser.

He sounds passive aggressive.
Whats he like most of the time?
Is this the tip of the iceberg?

Does he help round the house, without having to be asked ?
Take mental load of running a household etc?
Do fair share of looking after child?
Is he kind and thoughtful to you and dc?

Or is he hard work?

If the latter then, seriously, you should leave him and your life will be so much better in more ways than one.

Yes I’m an HR Manager, we would never call someone out for dropping their kid off at nursery when off ill. Kids don’t stop existing if you’re ill. Food still needs bought, etc etc. We trust our staff. Being ‘out and about’ isn’t the same though…

ive not seen any of the threads on here you refer to and I’ve never worked for a company who would do this.

not trying to belittle or undermine your own experiences, just explaining my own reaction to the OP’s comment. I’m really sorry your own employer reacted this way to seeing you at the doctor.

DH should still have taken DS to nursery. I was off sick for months and still took my child to nursery because it was much easier for me than having them home when too ill to look after them properly. It's very easily explained in the unlikely event of being questioned at work.

But also even if it is 'just a cold' sometimes you can feel absolutely shocking with them. But if you feel that bad you don't normally drink. He sounds pretty useless (from this one thread).

Sounds like he was jealous of your annual leave.

I went out to breakfast with my friend today after dropping DS at nursery and I stayed out until midday. DH wasn't happy when I got home but couldn't say much when I said I was giving him a chance to rest.
Just for the record it wasn't just about having a drink. I was looking forward to a lie in, a rare treat, and didn't get it. Also I don't say my DH can't drive the next morning after drinking. I am aware it's OTT and only apply the rule to myself. However I think 4 pints is a lot and wouldn't be happy with him driving DS after that amount (he knows that too but chose to drink anyway).

You deserve each other.

The fact he wasn't happy says it all! You should have stayed out all day. Good for you anyway 😊

There’s so many red flags in this, my ex was emotionally and psychologically abusive I never even saw it at the time but it was so subtle. Drinking so he didn’t have to look after our child. If I was ill he was so I’d look after him. He sounds a twat.

staying off during your AL with a cold and now being unhappy about you going out with your friend for breakfast. Im starting to agree with this and another pp who mentioned a red flag.

how often do you get any time to yourself?

What a nasty thing to say.

This

Try reading the op.

Blondewithredlips Why did you write that? Did you just feel like being nasty for absolutely no reason?

Some men, DH included, can't take it when the OH is off and they have to work. My dad and my ex the same I used to stop telling them when I was off, and even leave at work time drive to a cafe and then go back when he'd left.

Ridiculous, and I don't do this with DH, but it is really annoying when you hoped for a restful day, or had specific tasks in mind and have to pick up the pieces instead.
Tbh I though it must be a man thing, or am I just unlucky.
So i think YANBU.

If your husband is that ill he should be in bed. That’s it. Tell him to buggar off upstairs with a jug of water and some toast and stay out of your way!
If he insists on being under your feet and ruining your holiday then I’d be getting up everyday, dropping child off at daycare and then going out and leaving him to his tissues and moaning!
When I was last sick I still had to take DD to school, then came home and slept…. Setting an alarm for pick up time…. I also slept on the couch at night so as not to pass my germs to DH.
Although I will add when DH was I’ll he remained in the bed and didn’t care if I caught his illness, and stayed in bed all day moaning … but I ignored him and went out

They both sound immature and hard work.

How on earth does the op sound immature and hard work?

Thing is, like most people you are focusing on this from point of view of what he’s capable of. But you say he says he feels ill, are you assuming he’s lying? Actually even if we are capable of getting out and about when we are down with something I think we should also consider germ spreading. Your post describes possible work/ child school/ shopping spread? Yes we all do it but spreading bugs around isn’t nothing. For some it’s quite a big deal! COVID or not.

So many people don't seem capable of that simple thing

I don't have to justify to you why I came to that conclusion. Read the entire thread. Also I am not the only one to think similar.