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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To my husband

148 replies

Rosebel · 05/04/2023 23:11

I rather suspect I am actually. So this week I've been on holiday, first one this year. I was really looking forward to it.
Monday morning DH is moaning how ill he is and that he probably has Covid. Didn't go to work and asked me to buy a Covid testing kit. I did, even though I don't see the point of testing anymore and it's negative. Twice. So just a cold.
If it was me I'd go in to work on Tuesday but he didn't and has stayed at home, moaning how ill he is.
However that's not why I'm annoyed. DS has been at home but he's going to nursery tomorrow as they're having an Easter treat day. DH said he'd take him in and pick him up. But tonight he started drinking (so obviously not that I'll). I reminded him about driving tomorrow. DH said I can't take him in. I'm ill.
I said It's a cold
DH I still feel shit and I can't take him incase someone from work sees me.
Now given I'm supposed to be on holiday I was really hoping to have a couple of drinks tonight and a lie in tomorrow but obviously l can't do either now.
Okay DH isn't well but it's only a cold. I just carry on with a cold.
Surely he could drop off DS tomorrow? Too late now he's been drinking but should ILTB (lighthearted, sort of).
YABU he's ill leave him to his dressing gown of doom
YANBU it's a cold. He needs to get over it

OP posts:

JarByTheDoor · 06/04/2023 08:11

Tho yes, I'd imagine the vast majority of adults would be perfectly safe to drive and entirely non hung over the morning after two Malibu and Cokes. It's, what, 20% or something?

Original poster

Rosebel · 06/04/2023 08:13

I didn't say I'd have a hangover. I said I don't drink and drive the next day.
And doubtful I will get a lie in tomorrow as I expect DH will still be ill and someone has to get up with our 2 year old.
I can accept I've been a bit unreasonable and think I was just looking forward to relaxing and feel it's been snatched away. I'm taking DS to nursery now.

OP posts:

ConstanceOcean · 06/04/2023 08:14

unsync · 06/04/2023 08:03

Too dark?? 🤔 I've often wondered whether others don't get my humour.

I assume you’re also going to tell OP that you hope she dies too?

As there is a big chance that OP will also catch this ‘just a cold’ and be feeling too ill to go into work.

I’m sure posters will also call her lazy, skiving and faking it too as it’s not like MN to have double standards.

Original poster

Rosebel · 06/04/2023 08:14

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 06/04/2023 08:06

I got your humour 😁

Show quote history

Me too

OP posts:

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 06/04/2023 08:16

Rosebel · 06/04/2023 08:13

You wouldn't drive at all the next day after two drinks?!

This seems way ott to me.

Anyway, yeh it's shit if the kids are ill on you're time off too. My little one seems to manage it every time I book annual leave. Just have to suck it up. Whether it's DH or the kids

JarByTheDoor · 06/04/2023 08:22

I can entirely understand having that kind of personal rule. Psychologically it's a lot easier and simpler to stick to an absolutist, black and white rule of "That is a thing I choose not to do at all" than it is to stick to a moderation-based personal rule, where the limit might depend on a lot of different factors, and where you're relying on yourself continuing to make sensible decisions even after you've started drinking and are under the influence of mind- and mood-altering substances.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 06/04/2023 08:24

It's ridiculous restrictive though. Unnecessarily so.

JarByTheDoor · 06/04/2023 08:30

Sometimes that kind of personal rule can be a good trade-off for that particular individual — restrictions that are a bit tighter than strictly necessary, in exchange for a psychologically easier life.

Like how I find it easier to tell myself that I simply don't eat certain foods because the sugar content is too high, when in reality I could have a single spoonful if I wanted and still stay within my limits. But I would find it way harder to have one spoonful of ice cream and put the rest away than to just say "I don't eat ice cream".

Untitledsquatboulder · 06/04/2023 08:34

Refusing to drive the morning after a couple of drinks is just an absurd personal rile - that's 100% on you.

My ds has just spent the past 5 days in bed with "just a cold," so yes colds can be vicious but the fact that your dh is now ready for beer makes me suspect he probably would be perfectly well enough to do the nursery run plus some early morning childcare. YANBU about that.

rumpsteak · 06/04/2023 08:36

nomoremerlot · 06/04/2023 05:06

Just how much are you both drinking? To not be able to drive the next morning?

I know you're on holiday, but that's still quite odd to be that drunk?

This.

CoraPirbright · 06/04/2023 08:38

I do think you are being overly cautious about driving the next day if you have literally had two drinks. I think even the police would advise that that was ok.

However I think the key here is - does he always seem to be ill when you are planning something nice for yourself? If so, you need to figure out how to react in the future. Perhaps just carry on with your own plans anyway? My dd, when she was little, did this. If I had a lovely day out planned for myself when she was at school, she would always, always be ill thereby putting a stop to me enjoying myself!! So…..I stopped telling her. Problem solved!! However this will not work logistically for you so I think just organise yourself around him and then carry on regardless.

rumpsteak · 06/04/2023 08:41

Rosebel · 06/04/2023 08:13

What a bizarre rule. You will have zero alcohol in your system in the morning from a couple of Malibu and cokes, even if they were triples.

Ffsmakeitstop · 06/04/2023 08:44

You'll have to forgive the hard of reading op. Some on here just can't resist trying to stick the boot in.
I understand completely. My DH is retired and I work nearly full time and every time I'm on holiday he's wanting to be off out all over the place and doesn't understand that some days I would just like to do nothing and preferably on my own.

AngelinaFibres · 06/04/2023 08:45

He's an arse. Take your child to nursery and go into town for a lovely breakfast and watch everyone rushing off to work when you don't have to. Longer term, you need a discussion about your marriage.

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 06/04/2023 08:46

He sounds jealous of your time off so has to be worse and be off with a cold!

He is selfish, go out and make him take the child in, or not but it's his turn to look after them.

Theunamedcat · 06/04/2023 08:49

I getvwhat you mean about the drinking and driving the next day my parents were real alcohol abusers always did this there was a difference in their driving be it 4 pints or 10 I made it my rule I've stuck to it

Theunamedcat · 06/04/2023 08:50

OP just go out and enjoy your holiday stuff him and maybe do the math on where you stand if you split the last thing you want us him claiming to be a primary parent because he can't hold down a job

Sierra26 · 06/04/2023 08:56

He’s worried someone from work might see him? What a crap excuse - life goes on even when ill. Work would never challenge him on that.

Itsbytheby · 06/04/2023 08:56

Jeez what a fuss about, essentially, getting drunk.

Also having a rule to not drive the day after having a couple of drinks is ridiculous.

So YABU.

moomoomoo27 · 06/04/2023 08:57

Really bizarre that you don't see the point in covid tests and think people should spread their colds/other illnesses everywhere, but won't entertain driving the night after 2 drinks. Maybe you should "just get on with" your super minor/non-existent hangover the way you think your OH should just get on with his cold.

I'm an employer and since covid started we have a policy of staff not coming in even if they think it's just a cold. Half the time they are just testing too early and it is covid. I've had covid 3 times and only ever tested positive one time.

But regardless, people like you are the reason that those of us with chronic illnesses, long covid, shot to shit immune systems, continue to be ill and in bed all the damn time with "minor" things (for other people) that should never have been spread to us.

Original poster

Rosebel · 06/04/2023 09:02

FFS he hasn't got Covid. He's been testing daily since Monday. Do you think he should take time off after a warning for a cold? Do you think he'd be drinking 4 pints if he was seriously ill?
He doesn't work closely with anyone they all go to different locations.
I'm vulnerable too but life can't stop every time I sneeze or cough.

OP posts:

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 06/04/2023 09:09

Why are you having a holiday without your husband anyway? Is this what people do these days ?

Maddy128 · 06/04/2023 09:09

Rosebel · 06/04/2023 09:02

I was going to say, when you have a cold does he swoop in and take care of DS and the household? Or do you (like most mums) suck it up and carry on.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable being disappointed in the way your holiday is going and how he appears to be milking this cold and not doing basic parenting. He can’t go to work but can drink 4 pints, rather than go to bed early with a lemsip, that’s unreasonable.

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 06/04/2023 09:11

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 06/04/2023 09:09

Why are you having a holiday without your husband anyway? Is this what people do these days ?

Annual leave from work 🙄

GoodChat · 06/04/2023 09:11

OP just drop little one off and go back to bed. That's what I'd do.

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