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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To my husband

148 replies

Rosebel · 05/04/2023 23:11

I rather suspect I am actually. So this week I've been on holiday, first one this year. I was really looking forward to it.
Monday morning DH is moaning how ill he is and that he probably has Covid. Didn't go to work and asked me to buy a Covid testing kit. I did, even though I don't see the point of testing anymore and it's negative. Twice. So just a cold.
If it was me I'd go in to work on Tuesday but he didn't and has stayed at home, moaning how ill he is.
However that's not why I'm annoyed. DS has been at home but he's going to nursery tomorrow as they're having an Easter treat day. DH said he'd take him in and pick him up. But tonight he started drinking (so obviously not that I'll). I reminded him about driving tomorrow. DH said I can't take him in. I'm ill.
I said It's a cold
DH I still feel shit and I can't take him incase someone from work sees me.
Now given I'm supposed to be on holiday I was really hoping to have a couple of drinks tonight and a lie in tomorrow but obviously l can't do either now.
Okay DH isn't well but it's only a cold. I just carry on with a cold.
Surely he could drop off DS tomorrow? Too late now he's been drinking but should ILTB (lighthearted, sort of).
YABU he's ill leave him to his dressing gown of doom
YANBU it's a cold. He needs to get over it

OP posts:
WeWereInParis · 06/04/2023 06:29

YANBU that is he feels well enough to drink he's not that ill.

Generally though, I hate the "it's just a cold!" attitude. I've had colds that make me feel like absolute death, and definitely need a couple of days off work.
Before he had a drink you weren't very sympathetic and I guess it depends on what your DH is normally like - if my DH were to stay in bed/call in sick, then I'd know he was really ill, because he never does this. If your DH is prone to a bit of moping around with a dressing gown feeling sorry for himself, then that's different.

SkyandSurf · 06/04/2023 06:31

How strong are these two drinks if you are still too drunk to drive the next morning?

I agree the healthy person should drop the child to nursery. How long will it take? Your day will still be free otherwise.

SquidwardBound · 06/04/2023 06:33

You know you’re not being unreasonable. Because, if he’s able to drink at least 4 pints, he is simply not ill. He’s just taking the piss and skivving off both work and parenting responsibilities.

The question is, does he have form for this kind of nasty behaviour any time you are taking annual leave (but he’s at work)? It IS nasty to decide to ruin your wife’s annual leave in this way.

Zanatdy · 06/04/2023 06:35

Burnamer · 06/04/2023 00:24

You child has a treat day in nursery and neither of you can be arsed to take them as you both want to get pissed?
sort your priorities out - you are as bad as each other.

Did you read the post? She said she would have to take her son as her husband said he couldn’t. At no point did it say that none of them will take him.

GoodChat · 06/04/2023 06:36

He's allowed to have a drink even if he feels shit and he'd be fine to drive this morning, he just doesn't want to.

It does feel a bit crap that neither of you want to take your child to their treat day (even if you are now taking him because you have to).

You're both unreasonable, to be honest.

hallodarknessmyoldfriend · 06/04/2023 06:38

I think you are both unreasonable.

He is clearly not sick if he can drink 4 pints. I would find it really unattractive and odd if my partner claimed to be sick, didn't go to work and drunk at home instead.

It's also a bit sad that neither one of you want to go to your son's Easter treat day.

Lockedinforwinter · 06/04/2023 06:41

He does sound painful ho be around. Is he maybe hurt that you have taken leave to spend doing your own thing rather than with him and DC?

Stravawindow · 06/04/2023 06:43

God forbid someone on holiday wanting a couple of drinks in an evening. I wonder if anyone bothers to read posts on here anymore or just pile right in.

I understand your post OP. I’d be annoyed with my husband too. Mine was off last week while I was at work. He irritated the life out of me!

Zanatdy · 06/04/2023 06:44

I wouldn’t think any of you would be over the limit the next morning after 4 pints or 2 Malibu and coke. Don’t you lose 1 unit per hour? Great you’re being so cautious though, it’s scary there’s so many people on the roads first thing who have had a skin full the night before and just get in the car to drive.

Evenin · 06/04/2023 06:46

I don't understand the people having a go at you!

You had leave and wanted to have a chill night and relaxing morning after no doubt a busy time at work. Husband has decided he is super ill, BUT he can drink heavily...who does that?!! Most people can't stomach any alcohol if they are truly sick and alcohol is not recommended anyway.

He is being a dick, but i would have told him to fuck off if he thought he could sit getting pissed if he was supposedly that sick.

nomoremerlot · 06/04/2023 06:49

Stravawindow · 06/04/2023 06:43

God forbid someone on holiday wanting a couple of drinks in an evening. I wonder if anyone bothers to read posts on here anymore or just pile right in.

I understand your post OP. I’d be annoyed with my husband too. Mine was off last week while I was at work. He irritated the life out of me!

The post was extremely confusing IMO.

Absolutely nothing wrong with a couple drinks on holiday or otherwise.

But drinking so much you're unable to drive the next morning, is IMO a bit OTT.

However, OP has now clarified that it's 4 pints or two Malibu, both of which I believe that they can drive the next morning having had.

SquidwardBound · 06/04/2023 06:52

GoodChat · 06/04/2023 06:36

He's allowed to have a drink even if he feels shit and he'd be fine to drive this morning, he just doesn't want to.

It does feel a bit crap that neither of you want to take your child to their treat day (even if you are now taking him because you have to).

You're both unreasonable, to be honest.

If he’s taken the day off work and is planning to take the next day off too because he’s too unwell - and has spent his week malingering round the house, not helping - then, no. He’s not ‘allowed’ to have a drink (or 4+ pints) if he wants.

He’s very clearly taking the piss. If he were genuinely ill with a virus, he wouldn’t be drinking like that. He’s showing utter contempt for his wife.

Add to that he’s said he doesn’t want to take the child to nursery tomorrow anyway because people will see him out and about and know he’s skivving off work. He’d much rather ruin his wife’s leave.

olympicsrock · 06/04/2023 06:57

He’s a skiver but you are being very wierd about the alcohol and not driving. You won’t be affected in any way the next day after drinking 2 - 4 units of alcohol.

FishChipsMushyPeas · 06/04/2023 06:59

He can't be that ill if he's up to having a few drinks.

Bewilderedandhurt · 06/04/2023 07:05

If he's ill he shouldn't be drinking, it's hardly going to help. He must be planning some binge if he's unable to drive the following morning.
If he puts a cap on and wears sun glasses he can go incognito so his work colleagues don't recognise him.😃
He sounds like he needs to pull himself together, it's just a cold.ĺ

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 06/04/2023 07:06

How strong are these two drinks if you are still too drunk to drive the next morning?

JFC. Will nobody read OP's updates!

She is super cautious regarding drinking and driving. Doesn't want to get hammered. Will not drink if she has to drive the next day, so she isn't drinking. That is completely up to her.

Your DH sounds like he is ruining your leave. If he can drink booze, he's not ill enough to skive work.

I would definitely be out of the house all day if I was you OP.

Hope you enjoy your day off.

LlynTegid · 06/04/2023 07:09

There seems one good thing, he won't drink and drive. Unlike I suspect a number of people taking children to school or nursery each morning.

Like the breakfast idea (assuming not a fast food one).

FrenchandSaunders · 06/04/2023 07:10

2 Malibu and cokes and you won’t drive the next day? Are they massive home measures?

Maray1967 · 06/04/2023 07:14

Rosebel · 06/04/2023 06:25

Did you read my OP or reply to this. I am taking DS.
Just to clarify when I said I wanted a couple of drinks then that's what I mean. 2 drinks, malibu with coke. I am really cautious about drinking and driving the next day and I just won't drink at all. I know DH had at least 4 pints last night so obviously won't be able to drive.
It does feel like he wants to spoil my holiday but he'll deny it and say he can't help being ill.
Might text my friend in a bit and suggest going out to breakfast.

Show quote history

If he’s fine to drink four pints he’s not ill - not in my book anyway. My DH loves his beer but he doesn’t drink when he’s ill - yours is taking the proverbial.

Veryverycalmnow · 06/04/2023 07:14

He's sabotaging your time off!

Time4achangeagain · 06/04/2023 07:17

If he’s drinking 4 pints, he’s not ill

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 06/04/2023 07:19

Just to clarify when I said I wanted a couple of drinks then that's what I mean. 2 drinks, malibu with coke. I am really cautious about drinking and driving the next day and I just won't drink at all.

You can't blame your DH for this.

There's nothing stopping you having a couple of drinks tonight if that's what you want to do 🤷‍♀️

Yawnarama22 · 06/04/2023 07:23

This reply has been deleted

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DrMarciaFieldstone · 06/04/2023 07:24

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 06/04/2023 07:19

Just to clarify when I said I wanted a couple of drinks then that's what I mean. 2 drinks, malibu with coke. I am really cautious about drinking and driving the next day and I just won't drink at all.

You can't blame your DH for this.

There's nothing stopping you having a couple of drinks tonight if that's what you want to do 🤷‍♀️

Yeah that’s a massive overreaction

PriOn1 · 06/04/2023 07:24

hallodarknessmyoldfriend · 06/04/2023 06:38

I think you are both unreasonable.

He is clearly not sick if he can drink 4 pints. I would find it really unattractive and odd if my partner claimed to be sick, didn't go to work and drunk at home instead.

It's also a bit sad that neither one of you want to go to your son's Easter treat day.

I don’t think OP is invited to the Easter Treat day. She’s dropping him off, because it’s a special day she thinks he will enjoy. He has been home other days, so I assume she likes having him around or she’d have left him at nursery every day possible.

OP, I think, as others obviously do, that this is a deliberate (even if subconscious) attempt by your husband to sabotage your holiday. He is using his cold as an excuse.

In your shoes I would be quite determined to be out as much as possible to disappoint in in his aim to disrupt your holiday.

Does he spoil other special days as well? If it’s a one off, it might be more innocent, but many controlling men spoil special days. Mine always kicked off and became moody at Christmas. I presume he enjoyed us all creeping around trying to appease him to avoid it. Someone else up thread mentioned their husband always exaggerated illness when she was ill. Mine did that too.

So is this a pattern, or a one off?