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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To my husband

148 replies

Rosebel · 05/04/2023 23:11

I rather suspect I am actually. So this week I've been on holiday, first one this year. I was really looking forward to it.
Monday morning DH is moaning how ill he is and that he probably has Covid. Didn't go to work and asked me to buy a Covid testing kit. I did, even though I don't see the point of testing anymore and it's negative. Twice. So just a cold.
If it was me I'd go in to work on Tuesday but he didn't and has stayed at home, moaning how ill he is.
However that's not why I'm annoyed. DS has been at home but he's going to nursery tomorrow as they're having an Easter treat day. DH said he'd take him in and pick him up. But tonight he started drinking (so obviously not that I'll). I reminded him about driving tomorrow. DH said I can't take him in. I'm ill.
I said It's a cold
DH I still feel shit and I can't take him incase someone from work sees me.
Now given I'm supposed to be on holiday I was really hoping to have a couple of drinks tonight and a lie in tomorrow but obviously l can't do either now.
Okay DH isn't well but it's only a cold. I just carry on with a cold.
Surely he could drop off DS tomorrow? Too late now he's been drinking but should ILTB (lighthearted, sort of).
YABU he's ill leave him to his dressing gown of doom
YANBU it's a cold. He needs to get over it

OP posts:
TottyKnickers · 06/04/2023 07:24

YANBU drinking malibu with coke! Yuk!!
But seriously, take your son to nursery and go out for breakfast. Go for a jolly and ring your husband to get him to pick him up. Stay out and have fun while he looks after him!

youtwoandme · 06/04/2023 07:25

Bless you OP everyone jumping on you because you booked time off work, want to have a couple of evening drinks and be able to sleep late in the morning. I'm guessing these women don't run the house, take care of children, school run, go to work, do the food shopping, cooking, laundry etc.

Your DH is a whimp! I have no time and no sympathy for man flu! It makes my skin crawl when they act all needy WITH A COLD! He was drinking so there's bugger all wrong with him!

Selfish twat!! Let this be a lesson, DO NOT TELL HIM when your next holidays are until the night before. And for god sakes don't put it here that you'd like a couple of pre holiday drinks as you'll get labelled some kind of child neglecting alcoholic again 🤣🤣

Original poster
Rosebel · 06/04/2023 07:26

I don't blame him for that. I am annoyed because he said he would take DS to nursery and has now backtracked on that
I'm also a bit worried about his job as he did have a warning about time off a couple of months ago. Tbh I'm sure most bosses, mine included, would expect you to go to work if it was just a cold.
Probably a bit of a drip feed but it's not actually relevant to last night. I'm just venting a bit.

OP posts:
JarByTheDoor · 06/04/2023 07:27

However, OP has now clarified that it's 4 pints or two Malibu, both of which I believe that they can drive the next morning having had.

I put 4 pints of Kronenbourg into this (self-admittedly cautious) calculator, and although it might not be totally accurate because it doesn't compensate for sex or age or other physical differences, it reckoned over 12 hours' wait from when you stopped drinking to when you're safe to drive.

https://morning-after.org.uk/drink-drive-calculator/

Then I guess there's also the question of hangovers — even after your blood alcohol level is low enough to legally drive, you might be feeling bad enough from a hangover that it could impair your driving.

Treacletoots · 06/04/2023 07:27

I've been ill the past week with probably nothing more than a cold virus but honestly it's totally wiped me out. Fortunately I'm not working this week so I've been able to rest up, but DH has taken care of all drop offs, bedtimes and meals for DD because he knows I'm feeling rough.

That's what being in a relationship is for, to take care of each other when you're not 100%. I'd do the same for him. Although someone needs to tell your DH that a single drink is probably OK but more actually decreases your immune system so not helpful.

Justalittlebitduckling · 06/04/2023 07:30

I tested covid negative for three days with a cold and then positive on the fourth day. So it might still be covid! But I certainly wouldn’t have been drinking.

SquidwardBound · 06/04/2023 07:39

Rosebel · 06/04/2023 07:26

I don't blame him for that. I am annoyed because he said he would take DS to nursery and has now backtracked on that
I'm also a bit worried about his job as he did have a warning about time off a couple of months ago. Tbh I'm sure most bosses, mine included, would expect you to go to work if it was just a cold.
Probably a bit of a drip feed but it's not actually relevant to last night. I'm just venting a bit.

I think the fact that he’s already had a warning from work about his attendance is entirely relevant here.

He’s obviously just skiving off. A man who gets a warning at work and still chooses to skive off is being very unreasonable.

RawBloomers · 06/04/2023 07:41

I would be annoyed. If he’s well enough to drink, he’s well enough to let you have your holiday. And if this sort of thing has happened before, I would be wondering about how coincidental it is that he gets sick when I’m off work.

But given the warning about time off, that wouldn’t be my main concern. Drinking four pints will make it much harder to recover from a cold that’s severe enough to keep him off work. So he’s risking his livelihood to be able to drink. That’s screwed priorities and a problem with alcohol.

HoppingPavlova · 06/04/2023 07:44

In what world is someone who has had 2 Malibu and cokes, or 4 pints over the limit, or any way affected the next morning? Can’t either one of you have what you want if it’s only this amount and drive the child the following day?

FrenchandSaunders · 06/04/2023 07:46

A hangover from two malibus 🤣🤣

lsanny · 06/04/2023 07:49

Does he have an alcohol problem? Many posters saying if he can drink he isn't Ill, but that's not always the case. Many people with addiction or dependence will always drink, regardless of how they feel.

Shemovesshemoves21 · 06/04/2023 07:54

I would be seething at his behaviour.

  1. Melodramatic man-flu performance whilst you're trying to enjoy some time off
  1. Not going into work when his attendance has been flagged
  1. Backtracking on his promise to take child into nursery
  1. Having 4 pints whilst he's apparently on deaths door...what a twat
  1. Having you pick up his slack because he's too lazy to get on with life

I don't blame you one bit for being annoyed with him.

ConstanceOcean · 06/04/2023 07:55

He’s ill fgs.
Of course he shouldn’t be driving your DS to nursery.

It doesn’t matter that it’s not covid.

Some people I know will test positive but not even realise they’ve got it, whilst others won’t have it/test negative and be absolutely floored by a cold/flu.
My friend has had almost 2 weeks off for ‘just a cold’.

A line on a covid test should not determine whether you are well enough to work or not.

Him having a drink is completely irrelevant.
FWIW I usually drink when I have a cold even though I’m not a big drinker, because it helps me feel better and helps me sleep.

I get that you’re annoyed that you can’t have a lie in but it’s only 1 day and if your son isn’t at nursery for the rest of the week then you’ll get a lie in the next day.

TearsforBeers · 06/04/2023 07:56

I completely understand where you are coming from. People have picked up on you saying you wanted a couple of drinks and have completely missed the point.

You're on holiday and was looking forward switching off and having a lie in, now you can't.

I'd be frustrated too.

SquidwardBound · 06/04/2023 07:58

He’s ill fgs.
Of course he shouldn’t be driving your DS to nursery.

He’s not ill. He’s possibly a bit sniffly.🙄

Drinking 4+ pints is a pretty good sign that he’s not actually dying of man flu.

unsync · 06/04/2023 07:59

Well if you're lucky he'll die from manflu and you can live happily ever after on his life insurance. He sounds like a whiny five year old with a drink problem.

ConstanceOcean · 06/04/2023 08:00

Treacletoots · 06/04/2023 07:27

I've been ill the past week with probably nothing more than a cold virus but honestly it's totally wiped me out. Fortunately I'm not working this week so I've been able to rest up, but DH has taken care of all drop offs, bedtimes and meals for DD because he knows I'm feeling rough.

That's what being in a relationship is for, to take care of each other when you're not 100%. I'd do the same for him. Although someone needs to tell your DH that a single drink is probably OK but more actually decreases your immune system so not helpful.

I completely agree.

I think the world has gone mad in thinking that unless you have tested positive for covid then you can’t possibly be ill and must be skiving/ being lazy etc.

I’ve had covid twice and each time I’ve tested positive a few days after my symptoms anyway.

I think the drinking is completely irrelevant as he shouldn’t be doing the nursery run when he is ill anyway unless there was no one else to do it.

ConstanceOcean · 06/04/2023 08:01

unsync · 06/04/2023 07:59

Well if you're lucky he'll die from manflu and you can live happily ever after on his life insurance. He sounds like a whiny five year old with a drink problem.

WTAF!?!?!

ConstanceOcean · 06/04/2023 08:02

SquidwardBound · 06/04/2023 07:58

He’s ill fgs.
Of course he shouldn’t be driving your DS to nursery.

He’s not ill. He’s possibly a bit sniffly.🙄

Drinking 4+ pints is a pretty good sign that he’s not actually dying of man flu.

@SquidwardBound

Are you his doctor?

You cannot possibly know how ill he is unless you’ve seen him in real life.

So you’ve just made that up to fit your narrative.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 06/04/2023 08:03

If you're that I'll you can't go to work, you don't drink...

For you, you could easily have a drink or two then drive in the morning.

unsync · 06/04/2023 08:03

Too dark?? 🤔 I've often wondered whether others don't get my humour.

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 06/04/2023 08:06

unsync · 06/04/2023 08:03

Too dark?? 🤔 I've often wondered whether others don't get my humour.

I got your humour 😁

Supergirl1958 · 06/04/2023 08:06

OP I’ve had ‘just a cold’ three times in the last 6 weeks and all of them have made me really ill. I’ve dragged myself into work, but I really shouldn’t have. It’s resulted in me now being totally drained of energy now I am actually off for my Easter break.

I do think hubby reneging on his offer to take DC to nursery is a bit rubbish though :( but he is a grown adult and you still have the day to yourself!

JarByTheDoor · 06/04/2023 08:06

FrenchandSaunders · 06/04/2023 07:46

A hangover from two malibus 🤣🤣

It's possible… if you're having it with Coke and you're not habituated to caffeine and prone to weeing a lot if you drink it, and you very rarely drink alcohol either, and you're on medication which affects how you process it, and you're old enough to have started getting proper nasty hangovers, then you can get usually very minor but perceptible hangover symptoms from just a couple of drinks. Ask me how I know 😐😐😐😐😐

DustyLee123 · 06/04/2023 08:11

You have assisted him in not doing the nursery run because you have said he can’t drive after 4 pints the night before.

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