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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Settle my inheritance row!

677 replies

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 15:41

Long story short, my parents signed their house over to me 10+ years ago, under the caveat that they could live there until the end of their days. This house is my inheritance, as stated in their will.
My mum passed away and my dad can’t afford to stay in the house or manage its upkeep any more. He has a disastrous relationship with money and is basically destitute.
I agreed to sell the house and buy a flat for him, to live in rent free, all he has to pay is his cost. He now demands money from me as I am making a profit from the sale of the house. I don’t want to give him any, it’s my inheritance! AIBU?

OP posts:
memesndmoreme · 05/04/2023 16:38

Namechangenoidea · 05/04/2023 16:37

omg you say rent free! Like you’re doing him a favor!

I know. I can't believe this is actually real. What a money grabbing pos

LemonSwan · 05/04/2023 16:38

You all tried to do something borderline illegal (don’t know how illegal am sure others will pipe in).

So in my eyes regardless of the morals you have only two options. Sign the house back to him or sell the house and give him the proceeds. Piss him off and hope he doesn’t spill the beans/ take this to legal. Well the later about spilling the beans is an issue either way.

Not a great situation for you so I would either extricate yourself from it or do whatever you can to keep him happy.

MXVIT · 05/04/2023 16:38

omg are you joking?

you selfish cow! Robbing your own father blind.

Aswad · 05/04/2023 16:38

YABVU and honestly one of the sickest things I’ve read on here
a
he’s still alive
b
he’s wife (your mother) has died
c
how tf is it your house when you’ve not paid for anything

grabby is the nicest way to put it

GlassBunion · 05/04/2023 16:38

What does your solicitor say? And please tell us that you've sought legal advice.

StopFeckingFaffing · 05/04/2023 16:38

As others have pointed out, the house has not passed to you via inheritance, it is a gift

As you are the house owner then you are responsible for maintenance of the house and not your Dad so when you say your Dad 'can't afford to live there' what exactly do you mean by that?

If there is an agreement in place about your Dad having a right to remain in the house for the remainder of his life then you need to refer to what it states. You can't just sell the house and buy a flat instead if that is in conflict with the agreement.

Original poster
LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 16:39

This reply has been deleted

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

He is beyond ridiculous with money and has accumulated a lot of debt, more than the house is worth.

OP posts:
Shutte · 05/04/2023 16:39

If they’ve not paid rent, you’ll still pay inheritance tax:

HMRC describes this as a Gift with Reservation of Benefit (GROB). They will argue that you have not made a valid gift to your children.
This is because you have gifted your home to your children but you have retained the whole benefit of the property. You still live there and they do not. The consequence of this is that HMRC will still include the full value of that home in your estate when you die, regardless of when you gifted it.

Sugargliderwombat · 05/04/2023 16:40

You must know this is not what your mum and dad were agreeing to. They were trying to save you tax / care home costs. Now when he's alive your withholding money. Disgusting.

Kisskiss · 05/04/2023 16:40

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 16:25

Struggling to keep up with answers here!
Basically the house is far too big for one person, he can’t afford the heating bills and is struggling to maintain the huge garden. The house is not in the UK and all of the arrangements were and are perfectly legal, appropriate taxes paid etc.

I am perfectly happy to sell the house and to buy him a more manageable flat, what I am struggling with is the assumption that any profit I would make on the sale of my house should go to him. Of course there is an unpleasant back story to all of this.

It’s not your house yet because he’s not dead. you know what inheritance means right? You sound hideous and grabby., do you want your children to treat you this wY

Sugargliderwombat · 05/04/2023 16:40

Shutte · 05/04/2023 16:39

If they’ve not paid rent, you’ll still pay inheritance tax:

HMRC describes this as a Gift with Reservation of Benefit (GROB). They will argue that you have not made a valid gift to your children.
This is because you have gifted your home to your children but you have retained the whole benefit of the property. You still live there and they do not. The consequence of this is that HMRC will still include the full value of that home in your estate when you die, regardless of when you gifted it.

She said the house isn't in the UK.

Ginmonkeyagain · 05/04/2023 16:40

Ahh, a lot of debt you say? Are we beginning to see the reason for giving away his largest asset?

You may be in a bit of a mess OP.

allmyliesaretrue · 05/04/2023 16:41

memesndmoreme · 05/04/2023 16:37

Maybe he wants to live in the house that he lived in with his now deceased wife. It sounds like it was only signed over with the understanding that they both live there till they BOTH die. OP sounds like a nasty greedy piece of work.

Show quote history

He can't afford to live there though, that's the point, and he can't sell it either because it's not his to sell!

EmilyGilmoresSass · 05/04/2023 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MeinKraft · 05/04/2023 16:42

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 16:25

Struggling to keep up with answers here!
Basically the house is far too big for one person, he can’t afford the heating bills and is struggling to maintain the huge garden. The house is not in the UK and all of the arrangements were and are perfectly legal, appropriate taxes paid etc.

I am perfectly happy to sell the house and to buy him a more manageable flat, what I am struggling with is the assumption that any profit I would make on the sale of my house should go to him. Of course there is an unpleasant back story to all of this.

But it's his house! He bought it! You know it is OP it's yours in name only.

Highfivemum · 05/04/2023 16:42

Omg I am shocked. Yes in theory it is your house but they trusted you .. help your Dad out as much as you can. You only get the one.

Mirabai · 05/04/2023 16:43

Wtaf have I just read? A very good example of why parents should never put their houses in their kids’ names.

All the value of the house is your dad’s money, it doesn’t matter what kind of dad he was or how bad he was with money: it’s his. You use that money for his home, living expenses and care until its gone.

If there’s any left for you great, if not, tant pis.

memesndmoreme · 05/04/2023 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 16:44

allmyliesaretrue · 05/04/2023 16:34

There are some batshit crazy people on this site as ever!!

The house does NOT belong to your dad. He and your mum made that decision years ago that it was yours. Their choice, their decision. The fact that he can no longer afford to live there is not your fault or responsibility. Their interest in the house became tenure for life.

You are reasonably providing for him as was the intention at the time. He has a roof over his head for the rest of his days.

He wants to have his cake and eat it now. It doesn't work like that. I am sure you're not going to stand by and watch him starve or freeze to death but you do not have financial responsibility or obligation here to hand over money to a man who will only squander it anyway!

Glad that you and a handful of others see my point.

Also glad to know that for the rest I am evil incarnate 🤣

OP posts:
Gablonz · 05/04/2023 16:44

What is the legal position regarding transfer of property in the country the house is in?
What is the legal position regarding capital gains tax?
What is the position regarding care home fees in the country the house is in?

It's all well and good coming on here asking for advice but the house isn't in the UK so nobody can get a clear picture of what the legalities of the entire situation is and people are talking about deprivation of assets and so on which might not apply where your Dad is.

However, legal issues aside, you must ensure he is adequately housed until he dies. And morally you should ensure he is not destitute. You should be paying for maintenance of the property. He should be paying bills and food costs outof his pension - if he still can't afford it, then yes, you should be using some of the money from the sale of the house to help him.
The house became yours, but it was his and your Mum's and they worked to pay for it so he shouldn't be destitute in his last years because you want to hang on to your "inheritance"
Inheritance is what is left when your parents die - what is left after they have had a comfortable life in their later years. The waters have been muddied by them giving you the house early, so it's not really an inheritance any more, but the principle is the same.

MrsCarson · 05/04/2023 16:44

What do you mean by pay his costs? What costs will he have?
Do you mean the solicitor to sell the house or a moving company to move him to the new flat you buy?

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 05/04/2023 16:45

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 16:25

Struggling to keep up with answers here!
Basically the house is far too big for one person, he can’t afford the heating bills and is struggling to maintain the huge garden. The house is not in the UK and all of the arrangements were and are perfectly legal, appropriate taxes paid etc.

I am perfectly happy to sell the house and to buy him a more manageable flat, what I am struggling with is the assumption that any profit I would make on the sale of my house should go to him. Of course there is an unpleasant back story to all of this.

If they hadn’t put it in your name to dodge taxes and care home fees the profit would be his.

You’ll have the profit made from the flat when you come to sell it. Morally any money from the sale (or at least half of you want to split your mothers half from it) should be your fathers.

Appleabananasandpears · 05/04/2023 16:46

The money belongs to your dad until he dies.

allmyliesaretrue · 05/04/2023 16:46

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 16:44

Glad that you and a handful of others see my point.

Also glad to know that for the rest I am evil incarnate 🤣

Show quote history

I do, and I can't understand why so many others have waded in to abuse you!

Was your mother maybe instrumental in making this arrangement, knowing that your dad would most likely piss both his and her shares up the wall?

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