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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Settle my inheritance row!

677 replies

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 15:41

Long story short, my parents signed their house over to me 10+ years ago, under the caveat that they could live there until the end of their days. This house is my inheritance, as stated in their will.
My mum passed away and my dad can’t afford to stay in the house or manage its upkeep any more. He has a disastrous relationship with money and is basically destitute.
I agreed to sell the house and buy a flat for him, to live in rent free, all he has to pay is his cost. He now demands money from me as I am making a profit from the sale of the house. I don’t want to give him any, it’s my inheritance! AIBU?

OP posts:
Appleabananasandpears · 05/04/2023 16:47

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 16:44

Glad that you and a handful of others see my point.

Also glad to know that for the rest I am evil incarnate 🤣

Show quote history

Unbelievable

Lellochip · 05/04/2023 16:48

Appleabananasandpears · 05/04/2023 16:46

The money belongs to your dad until he dies.

No, he literally gave it away. The question of what the OP morally owes her father aside, what kind of idiot signs away all rights to their home and then is surprised they don't still get any money from it.

cupofteaandabiccyplease · 05/04/2023 16:49

If one of my dc carried on like op I'd have no qualms disinheriting them. Thankfully they are decent people.

MirenaMisery · 05/04/2023 16:50

I'm probably in the minority here but you don't gift somebody something then ask for it back .... this sounds more like a 'we would rather you have it now than after we are dead' situation as your mum was the sensible one and thought your dad would squander it away and there would be nothing left.

Lellochip · 05/04/2023 16:50

cupofteaandabiccyplease · 05/04/2023 16:49

If one of my dc carried on like op I'd have no qualms disinheriting them. Thankfully they are decent people.

He has nothing to disinherit her from, she already has it...

Ginmonkeyagain · 05/04/2023 16:51

OP I think it would it help if we knew what your parents were trying to acheive with this.

Was it to release money - did you pay your parents for the house?

Was it to avoid tax?

Was it to avoid the house being sold to repay debt?

FrenchandSaunders · 05/04/2023 16:52

Your poor old widowed dad, this is awful OP! What sort of relationship do you/did you have?

suburbophobe · 05/04/2023 16:54

Really no point wasting time answering her OP if the house is not even in the UK.

Local laws will apply as to where OP lives.

Crazykatie · 05/04/2023 16:55

The OP has said the house is not in the UK so would be subject to the laws of some foreign land which could mean anything.

Why (s)he is asking mumsnet I have no idea maybe a troll windup, taking the pi##

MzHz · 05/04/2023 16:57

Lellochip · 05/04/2023 16:48

No, he literally gave it away. The question of what the OP morally owes her father aside, what kind of idiot signs away all rights to their home and then is surprised they don't still get any money from it.

Show quote history

Yup, and any money he did have he lost and there is more debt than the property is worth.

he has no money, even if he owned the house he’d have lost it in being repossessed most likely.

@LetMeExplain if he owned the house now and sold it to pay his debts you’d have no inheritance

him living destitute and debt ridden isn’t right

StopFeckingFaffing · 05/04/2023 16:57

If the transfer of ownership was all legal and above board then it will have been done by a solicitor who will surely have included very clear details of your father's right to remain in the property and what would happen in the event of the property being sold while your father is still alive. You need to consult your solicitor not a bunch of randoms on Mumsnet.

Was your father acting under duress from your mother when he agreed to the transfer of ownership? If yes then the whole thing sounds very legally dubious!

Oakyloaky · 05/04/2023 16:57

OP you have only acknowledged the couple of pp that agree with you ! Why haven’t you replied to the posts accusing you of being selfish and without morals ?
If you are 100% certain that you are beyond reproach, then give your reasons …am interested in how you justify your thoughts on leaving an elderly,recently widowed gentleman destitute!

Daleksatemyshed · 05/04/2023 16:58

I presume your DP's gifted you the house knowing that your DF was massively in debt which would come out of the estate. Trouble is if you sell you'll have to pay Capital Gains Tax and the flat you buy will probably have to be sold on his death to pay his debts off. Not much a gift really.
Unless there's a massive drip feed coming about your DP's being ghastly to you your whole life I'd like to think you'd look after you DF now he's alone and in debt

Mirabai · 05/04/2023 17:00

Crazykatie · 05/04/2023 16:55

The OP has said the house is not in the UK so would be subject to the laws of some foreign land which could mean anything.

Why (s)he is asking mumsnet I have no idea maybe a troll windup, taking the pi##

The laws in the U.K. don’t prevent greedy offspring purloining the value of their parents’ home that has been put into their names.

Original poster
LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 17:00

suburbophobe · 05/04/2023 16:54

Really no point wasting time answering her OP if the house is not even in the UK.

Local laws will apply as to where OP lives.

I am not really after legal advice, as my dad and the house are not in the UK, it was more of a moral question. And now I know what a bad daughter I am!

Like I said, there is a back story to this that I don’t want to go into. I am the one who will have to live with the decision in the end.

OP posts:
TooBored1 · 05/04/2023 17:00

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 16:44

Glad that you and a handful of others see my point.

Also glad to know that for the rest I am evil incarnate 🤣

Show quote history

This. Presumably this arrangement was made by your mother knowing what would happen to the shared estate should she die first (sorry for your loss).

I'm sure your mother would want her wishes (obviously agreed to by your father at the time) to be followed, to protect the estate.

For those who don't know, this form of wealth management is perfectly normal, perfectly acceptable, can be done totally legally and is NOT an abuse of one generation by another.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this as well as the loss of your mother.

BashfulClam · 05/04/2023 17:01

Did you pay them for the house? If not then it is reasonable for him to have the money as you basically got the house for free. If you paid for it then he isn’t entitled to money as he has had that already.

Mirabai · 05/04/2023 17:01

Daleksatemyshed · 05/04/2023 16:58

I presume your DP's gifted you the house knowing that your DF was massively in debt which would come out of the estate. Trouble is if you sell you'll have to pay Capital Gains Tax and the flat you buy will probably have to be sold on his death to pay his debts off. Not much a gift really.
Unless there's a massive drip feed coming about your DP's being ghastly to you your whole life I'd like to think you'd look after you DF now he's alone and in debt

If she’s talking about “profit” as she does in the OP, there must be some left over after debts have been paid and father has been bought a property.@

MakingitOver · 05/04/2023 17:02

This is complicated as it's not in the UK.

Posters need to understand there is a difference between a gift and a will.

Legally, the owner is you. It's a gift, not an inheritance.

Your father had an agreement to live there for life, and if this is in the contract (not his Will), then you should abide by that.

It would be a personal agreement between you to sell the house and provide him with another cheaper one.

Legally, he has no right to any surplus profit as he signed over his house and its value to you.

It's NOT an inheritance. It's yours now.

He needs to understand that you were given his house and it was not with the caveat that it could be sold and the excess profit returned to him.

If you decide to help him out with money from the sale, that's up to you, but legally, it's a grey area. It could be argued that although you are the owner, he had residence till his death. If he wants to move somewhere smaller, he may have grounds for using the outstanding equity to ensure he can live- but you need legal advice

Rhondaa · 05/04/2023 17:02

Regardless of it being signed over to you to avoid care home costs or whatever (which I actually agree with and would do the same) the thing is things have now changed he doesn't have money so you need to do the morally right thing and sell it then give him all profits made.

ArcticSkewer · 05/04/2023 17:02

What would your mum have wanted?

I wouldn't have a massive dilemma with this but if you wanted to, you could give him back 'his half' of the profit and keep your mum's half

MakingitOver · 05/04/2023 17:02

BashfulClam · 05/04/2023 17:01

Did you pay them for the house? If not then it is reasonable for him to have the money as you basically got the house for free. If you paid for it then he isn’t entitled to money as he has had that already.

Is your understanding so limited?

The house was given as a gift.

Some parents do this, partly to avoid IH or care home fees.

Statusunknown · 05/04/2023 17:03

Surely thry had the will written properly so this issue would be addressed if it happened?

Its not. Your inheritance if your dad's still. Alive. Was it not put in a trust?

Dutch1e · 05/04/2023 17:03

I'veno idea of the legalities surrounding this so I can only offer an opinion from a moral standpoint... even though I'd probably be resentful if he's pissed away his and your mum's assets I'd still act within the spirit of the gift.

I.e. Buy the flat and create some kind of trust that uses the profit for upkeep & utility bills plus a monthly stipend for your father to spend on groceries or pissing up the wall or whatever he chooses to spend it on. I'd try to also ensure that the trust distances me from any debts he accumulates or leaves behind.

I'd consider the flat "my inheritance"

Ginmonkeyagain · 05/04/2023 17:03

@TooBored1 The problem with this is it appears the OPs parents didn't really have any "wealth" - just the family home. Which if it had stayed in thier names would not be causing the issues it is now.