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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Settle my inheritance row!

677 replies

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 15:41

Long story short, my parents signed their house over to me 10+ years ago, under the caveat that they could live there until the end of their days. This house is my inheritance, as stated in their will.
My mum passed away and my dad can’t afford to stay in the house or manage its upkeep any more. He has a disastrous relationship with money and is basically destitute.
I agreed to sell the house and buy a flat for him, to live in rent free, all he has to pay is his cost. He now demands money from me as I am making a profit from the sale of the house. I don’t want to give him any, it’s my inheritance! AIBU?

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 05/04/2023 16:21

Er…what do you think he should do then? Get a paper round? Visit the food bank? Starve? Of course you should support him with the sale of HiS house. It’s your inheritance, he’s still alive.

OldieButBaddie · 05/04/2023 16:21

Glad you're not my daughter I meant

Mossstitch · 05/04/2023 16:23

NoSquirrels · 05/04/2023 15:55

my dad can’t afford to stay in the house or manage its upkeep any more

What do you mean by this? If you own the house, you need to pay the upkeep and manage that. You’re the landlord. If you mean the regular bills are too much on his income that’s a different matter.

That's not necessarily true, depends on the wording in the will. My stepfather left me a house in his will with the stipulation that his widow could live in it as long as she wanted rent free but was her responsibility to pay for maintenance/upkeep. This was by no means a tax dodge or for avoidance of care home fees, it was to ensure I got it as he appreciated what I had done for him....... As opposed to other relatives🤷

Gincan · 05/04/2023 16:23

I have seen people behave shockingly when it comes to "inheritance" so I wouldn't be surprised if this is genuine. I bet signing it over to you doesn't seem like such a bright idea to your dad now. What a mess.

thegrain · 05/04/2023 16:24

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 15:50

Yes, I became the owner of the house.

Show quote history

Then ignore all the inheritance stuff. That makes no sense as you already own it how can you inherit your own property

Foreversearch · 05/04/2023 16:25

It’s not an inheritance it’s a gift with reservation.

@LetMeExplain should have been paying all property maintenance and ensuring they followed legal requirements for Landlords. The op will also have to pay CGT.

What is fair/right in this situation?

  • OP pays CGT
  • OP refunds Dad the total cost of any maintenance Mum & Dad paid for since they became the legal owner
  • OP buys, in their name, a flat for Dad
  • OP is responsible for maintaining the flat and paying service charge/ground rent etc.
  • When Dad dies, if OP dies they are again liable for CGT.
  • OP is responsible for complying with all legal requirements as landlord
  • WRT to the cash left over from the house sale. Legally this is the OPs but morally at least 50% is Dad’s. Mum could have left her 50% of the house to the op. OP should invest the £ and any income generated after tax, is used to maintain the flat any £ left is either given to Dad or split 50:50.
cptartapp · 05/04/2023 16:25

Why did they sign the house over to you?
I'm not quite sure who you were expecting to pay for any care costs that arose. Me?!

Original poster
LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 16:25

Struggling to keep up with answers here!
Basically the house is far too big for one person, he can’t afford the heating bills and is struggling to maintain the huge garden. The house is not in the UK and all of the arrangements were and are perfectly legal, appropriate taxes paid etc.

I am perfectly happy to sell the house and to buy him a more manageable flat, what I am struggling with is the assumption that any profit I would make on the sale of my house should go to him. Of course there is an unpleasant back story to all of this.

OP posts:
darjeelingrose · 05/04/2023 16:26

It can't be in your dad's will though if he doesn't own it.

WishIwasElsa · 05/04/2023 16:27

When you say can't afford the upkeep what exactly does that mean ? If you own the house you are responsible for the maintenance etc. Your Dad should only pay for bills. That technically should be the same if you purchase a new property. However you need to check your morals quite frankly he is your father and you saybhe is destitute whilst you own a property now in my opinion the right thing to do is to help him out. At the end of the day there is no inheritance whilst he I still alive

DaaamnYoullDo · 05/04/2023 16:29

It's not your inheritance, he's not dead!

Sounds like the mistake they made was giving you more than they could afford. Your father can't afford to live because he have you his money. Give it back you selfish scrounger.

Climbles · 05/04/2023 16:29

They signed it over imagining a different future. Things have changed. While your legally entitled to do as you
please morally I think you should give some money to your dad. Maybe his half of the house profit. On the other hand if the horrible back story includes him abusing you then fuck him, you reap what you sow.

Viviennemary · 05/04/2023 16:29

The house will count as a second home if you own it now and you already own the house you are livjng in. So capital gains tax will be due. If you buy him a flat that will also be your second property and extra stamp duty will need to be paid. It's a minefield

RobinRobinMouse · 05/04/2023 16:30

So they tried to protect some of their money for you, ensuring you would pay less/no tax and avoid care fees and now you are refusing to ensure your father has what he needs. Disgusting. However, given he was also keen to avoid tax it sounds like you are all as bad and as greedy as each other.

Changingplace · 05/04/2023 16:30

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 15:50

Yes, I became the owner of the house.

Show quote history

How? Did you buy it from them or is it to avoid inheritance tax?

Ginmonkeyagain · 05/04/2023 16:32

Indeed. If he has genuinely given you the house, it is your house and he is your tenant. It is up to you what you do with the house you own and how you treat your tenant who cannot afford to stay in your property.

Your obligations - moral or otherwise, to your desititute, elderly father who appears to have made a msitake by giving away his only asset are a different issue.

As an aside what exactly were your parents tryng to achive by giving away their biggest asset to the person who was going to inherit it anyway?

memesndmoreme · 05/04/2023 16:32

It's sounds like they signed it over on the understanding they live their till they both die. Their both not dead, he stays where he is

FacebookFun · 05/04/2023 16:32

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

WTAFMF · 05/04/2023 16:32

WTF! Is this person for real. Literally the most selfish post I've read.

allmyliesaretrue · 05/04/2023 16:34

There are some batshit crazy people on this site as ever!!

The house does NOT belong to your dad. He and your mum made that decision years ago that it was yours. Their choice, their decision. The fact that he can no longer afford to live there is not your fault or responsibility. Their interest in the house became tenure for life.

You are reasonably providing for him as was the intention at the time. He has a roof over his head for the rest of his days.

He wants to have his cake and eat it now. It doesn't work like that. I am sure you're not going to stand by and watch him starve or freeze to death but you do not have financial responsibility or obligation here to hand over money to a man who will only squander it anyway!

RedToothBrush · 05/04/2023 16:35

TheChoiceIsYours · 05/04/2023 15:57

It’s not your inheritance - it’s your property. Talking about an inheritance is misleading and irrelevant here. Your parents will doesn’t leave their house to you because they don’t own a house. You do.

This is why tax evasion is generally a bad idea. Your dad has left himself up shit creek with no means of supporting himself and you’re left with the cost of maintaining a house which you can’t live in because your dad does.

If you sell the house and buy him a flat plus give him the money that’s left over, he will spend it supporting himself and you won’t have an inheritance when he does pass. Perhaps that shows that your parents didn’t have an estate to leave you as they needed it to be able to see out their days. They jumped the gun and it’s coming back to bite. The alternative is that you refuse to give your dad back the money he and your mum gave you and probably destroy the relationship and leave him in poverty.

What a mess.

This.

Legally you have deprived him of assets to dodge tax and care fees. And now you are trying to dodge the moral responsibility he gave you when he trusted you with his money to enable to dodge.

I have zero sympathy. Suck up looking after him at whatever it costs you.

memesndmoreme · 05/04/2023 16:37

allmyliesaretrue · 05/04/2023 16:34

There are some batshit crazy people on this site as ever!!

The house does NOT belong to your dad. He and your mum made that decision years ago that it was yours. Their choice, their decision. The fact that he can no longer afford to live there is not your fault or responsibility. Their interest in the house became tenure for life.

You are reasonably providing for him as was the intention at the time. He has a roof over his head for the rest of his days.

He wants to have his cake and eat it now. It doesn't work like that. I am sure you're not going to stand by and watch him starve or freeze to death but you do not have financial responsibility or obligation here to hand over money to a man who will only squander it anyway!

Maybe he wants to live in the house that he lived in with his now deceased wife. It sounds like it was only signed over with the understanding that they both live there till they BOTH die. OP sounds like a nasty greedy piece of work.

Namechangenoidea · 05/04/2023 16:37

omg you say rent free! Like you’re doing him a favor!

Bintymcbintface · 05/04/2023 16:37

You get an inheritance when people die, your dad is still alive and you're not allowing him access to his own money. You're disgustingly greedy

MoralOrLegal · 05/04/2023 16:38

When I was in my 20s, my parents gifted me the house they lived in. It isn't in the UK (I am!) and my DDad kindly though it would save a lot of eventual trouble with paperwork about probate. I, being young and ignorant, took him at his word.

After my DM died, DDad lived there a couple more years, and then wanted to move to the UK to a care home. So he did (obviously I did all the legwork there), and I sold the house.

I had to pay a shedload of CGT, which he hadn't foreseen. I put the rest of the proceeds from it in a separate account (some of which is invested), and I've been paying care home fees from that (combination of a big annuity and top-ups from the remaining capital). When DDad dies there might be a little bit of it left to form an inheritance...? Legally, that money is mine; morally, not at all.

I think that I did the right thing. Although an even better thing would have been to say "noooo!" when the house was offered to me in the first place.